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This is the Queen; Cleopatra

Fifth Question



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Question 5


If you can solve your own, that is already too much. Please never try to solve anybody else's problem; you will create a mess. You have not solved your own. Never do that. The mind has a tendency and a temptation to do it.

You ask: What is the relationship between love and responsibility? No relationship, because love IS responsibility. But the word has to be understood well -- what it means.

I insist on the root meaning of the word. Responsibility means: ability to respond. It does not mean a duty.

Responsibility -- go to the root meaning of the word: it means to be responsive. Love is a response! When the other calls, you are ready. When the other invites, you enter the other. When the other is not inviting, you don't interfere, you don't trespass. When the other sings, you sing in response. When the other gives you her or his hand, you take it with deep response.

Responsibility means openness, readiness, to respond. Somebody is calling and you don't respond, you remain closed. Somebody wants to love you but you don't help, you don't co-operate; rather, you create barriers. If this is the thing you are doing -- and the majority of lovers go on doing this -- when the other calls you don't respond, then when you call the other does not respond. Because when the other calls you see that this would be a good ego enhancing thing -- not to respond. Then you feel your own master: nobody can push you, and nobody can pull you into something which you were not going into already; you don't follow anybody.

Comes your beloved -- and she is happy, and she would like to be in a deep silence with you, but you remain closed. Then when YOU call, there is no answer. Have you seen birds calling each other? -- that is responsibility. A cuckoo calls; there is silence; and then another cuckoo responds. By their sounds, by their song, they answer. They may be far away in farther away trees, then they start flying closer; they have responded. By and by they come to the same tree, then they are sitting together, loving.

When the other's being calls READY! -- be ready; respond with your totality. Don't be a miser -- that is the meaning of responsibility.

But in your sense love has no responsibility. The word has been corrupted, destroyed, poisoned. A mother says to the child, I am your mother, you have to be responsible for me. A husband says, I am your husband, and I work hard for you. You have to be responsible for me. A father says to the son, Don't be irresponsible! Whenever you do something always think of me. This is not responsibility, you have corrupted a beautiful word. It has become ugly. Responsibility has become almost synonymous with duty. And duty is an ugly word.

Love is beautiful; if you love your mother -- you love, but it cannot be a duty. If it is duty it is better not to love, because duty is not going to satisfy her. And if you are doing your duty because she is your mother and she has given birth to you, what can you do? -- you have to take care. When she is ill you have to sit by her side -- then all the time, if it is a duty, your mind is against her, you are feeling suffocated, you are feeling burdened, in a bondage, you would like to rebel and revolt. And if this mother dies, you may not say so to anybody, but you will feel relief.

What type of responsibility is this -- when the mother dies and the son feels a deep relief? Of course he cries and weeps -- of course; and it is not that he is showing others that he is crying and weeping -- in fact, if you had loved your mother there may have been no tears, but you have not loved your mother, now the opportunity is lost. You never loved your mother and now she is gone! Hence the tears, the so much weeping and crying -- it is pathological, it is not healthy. If you had really loved your mother then what is there to weep and cry about? She is GONE!

A deep silence surrounds you. In that deep silence you start understanding death, you become aware of your own death. When your mother dies -- or your father dies -- it is an indication that you will have to die. Then you become involved with death. You try to understand it.

While she was alive she helped you to understand life. Now she is gone, she has opened another door -- the door of death, to look into: because she has gone and you will have to follow.

If you have loved a person, when the person is gone you don't feel relief -- and you don't cry, and you don't weep. In deep silence you accept the fact, the helplessness of it -- and the love continues, because love does not end with the body, love does not end with the mind, love goes on flowing.

No, don't ask what the relationship between love and responsibility is -- there is none. When there is no love, the question of responsibility comes in. When there is no love, you start talking about duty. When there is love, love itself is responsibility.

And, does loving another person mean trying to solve their problems as well as your own? No. Never try. That is trespassing. Accept the person as he is with all his problems -- that is love.

If he asks you, share your understanding, but don't try to change him.

Very difficult; because the mind is a manipulator. In the name of good, in the name of doing good, it tries to manipulate; it is a politician. A wife says, Because you are smoking I will have to fight with you; you have to change your smoking, this is not good, you are destroying your health -- and I have seen that a nagging wife destroys health more than any smoking. And the wife goes on nagging, and she says, It is because of your health -- I love you. And for thirty years she has been nagging.

Now they have been experimenting on nagging; and a very rare phenomenon has been revealed. They have tried it on the food that you eat: bread, butter, vegetables, fruit juice; they have put the fruit juice and the other food on a tray and the wife is nagging and screaming: it destroys the juice -- on the tray! The juice becomes toxic, poisonous. So just think what will be happening in the stomach, because on the tray everything is still non organic, dead in a way. The juice in a glass is destroyed, so what will be happening to the juice in the stomach? Because then it has become part of your life stream, it is more alive.

Nagging destroys life, health -- and your wife is nagging for your health because you are smoking. If she really loves you how can she nag? Impossible. How can she scream? She will simply love you, and she will love you so much and so deeply that the need for smoking will disappear.

In fact, people smoke because they have not really been deeply kissed. If they are deeply kissed, with tremendous love flowing, smoking will disappear.

People are smoking because their mothers have not given them their breast as totally as it should be given. Reluctantly the breast was given to them, very reluctantly. An unfulfilled desire has remained in the mind; now they are fulfilling that desire by smoking.

Smoking is very symbolic. The cigarette functions as a nipple. And the hot smoke flowing within functions as hot milk flowing from the mother's nipple. If all over the world mothers love their children there will be no need for smoking -- it will simply disappear. It is a symptom, it is not a disease. Mothers should learn -- and nothing else can stop it!

Now in America they have decided, the Congress has decided, on every package of cigarettes should be written: The surgeon general has decided that smoking is harmful to health. Nothing has happened. Now it is written on the packet it makes no difference. On the contrary, the sale of cigarettes has gone higher. Because people are suicidal, they want to destroy themselves. So cigarettes can destroy? Okay, let them destroy. Their life has nothing worth preserving. So what are you saying, that it is harmful? People are suicidal. They are seeking something harmful to do to themselves. Because nobody accepts them, and they themselves don't accept themselves.

If you love a person you accept the total person. With all the defects. Because those defects are a part of the person. But your love changes -- remember this: Love never tries to change, but it changes tremendously. If you can love that will bring a revolution, and it brings the revolution so silently that even the footsteps are not heard. Nobody ever becomes alert to what is happening -- everything happens so silently, as the buds open and flower and no noise is heard. Just like that.

And never try to change a person you love, because the very effort to change says that you love half, and the other half of the person is not accepted -- that is the meaning of trying to change, that you say: I love you but I don't love your nose. I love you, but I don't love your face. One very fat girl said to me that only one boy loves her, and he says, I love your soul but not your body.

But all lovers go on saying such things: that I love you but I don't -- I CAN'T love your smoking. I hate it! But that seems a rejection. And for the lover smoking is part of his being. He cannot help it. It is the way he is. Suddenly he shrinks, he is not accepted. You have poisoned a very beautiful thing like love for a very non essential thing like smoking. If you love, you simply love. If love brings change, it is okay. If it doesn't bring change -- that is also okay.


Next: Chapter 8, This is the Queen; Cleopatra, Sixth Question


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Chapter 8






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