Chapter 15: Kiss or Kill

Question 4



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The fourth question

Question 4



Prem Ketan,

RECOGNITION IS POSSIBLE even before enlightenment, but it will remain vague; it will remain hidden behind a mist. Just as in the early morning, a winter morning, you can see that somebody is coming, but who he is you cannot exactly say. Something you can figure out, that a man is coming or a woman, but the mist is thick and it is difficult to figure out who the person is exactly.

This type of recognition is possible; without it there will be no possibility of a Master and a disciple. How does one become a disciple? A vague recognition, a fragrance that has touched you, a love that has moved your heart, something of the beyond. It is a feeling, it is not knowing. You cannot be absolutely certain about it; it is mysterious.

As you become more and more meditative you will become more and more clear about it. It is a faraway call of the cuckoo -- yes, exactly the call of a cuckoo -- a distant call. You hear it and it is no more there, but it lingers around you, it hangs around you for a while, as if in a dream. But this much as possible, and only this much is possible. If you ask more than that, in a state of unenlightenment, then you are asking for the impossible.

You cannot be absolutely certain who I am unless you know who you are. But the moment you are absolutely certain, you don't need me. You need me only because you are not absolutely certain. But something in you is triggered, something in you starts growing.

When the first leaves come out of a seed above the earth you cannot be certain what kind of flowers will follow, but you can be certain that something has started growing, something is on the way. That's the state of the disciple: he can feel in himself something has started. It is like when the child in the mother's womb is six weeks, eight weeks old, and she starts one day feeling the new life. She cannot be certain whether it is a boy or a girl, who is going to be born -- an Albert Einstein, a Gautam Buddha -- what is going to be his potential or her potential, whether the child will be beautiful or ugly, whether the child will be born alive or dead; even of that she cannot be certain. But she starts feeling the presence of a new life in her, and not only that, she starts feeling certain things that the new life starts triggering in her.

Sometimes a mother becomes sad for no reason at all and she wonders why she is sad. The reason is, the new life inside is sad and that affects, that creates a shadow, and the mother is bound to be affected by that shadow. Sometimes she becomes cheerful without any reason; the new life within her womb is in a cheerful mood. But she is not capable of making a distinction what is what, what belongs to her and what belongs to the new life.

That's the state of the disciple. The disciple is exactly in the womb of the Master. Many times you suddenly feel a tremendous wave of energy arising in you. You don't know from where it comes -- from you, from the Master, from the field, from the other fellow-travelers -- from where it comes you are not absolutely certain, but it is coming. Sometimes a wave of joy and sometimes a wave of sadness. Sometimes you feel very calm and quiet and sometimes very excited and ecstatic. And you become aware about one thing certainly: that you are not alone, that things which don't belong to you have started penetrating you. The beyond has started communicating with you. But it is all vague -- it is bound to be so.

Hence the need of trust. Otherwise, there will be no need to trust. Trust is needed because in this vague state, if you cannot trust you cannot move ahead. If you doubt, you will shrink back. Doubt disconnects, trust connects. If you can trust, the mist will disappear, the sun will start shining. You will come closer to the Master; if you doubt you will create a distance. Doubt creates distance, trust destroys distance.

Ketan, but if you mean by recognition absolute knowing, then it can happen only when you are enlightened.

That's why even a man like Sariputra, Mahakashyapa or Moghalan, the great disciples of Buddha, when they became enlightened still remained disciples. Again and again they had been asked, "Now you are enlightened -- why are you yet a disciple? You are a Master on your own!"

This is a strange thing that happens: the ego wants to be a Master as quickly as possible; the ego wants to be on its own. It hurts to be a disciple.

Just a few days ago one sannyasin wrote to me, "I am going to the West. How to behave there? -- because I cannot say to anybody that you are my Master, that I am somebody's disciple. That I cannot say."

Why can't he say that he is a disciple if he is a disciple? And if you cannot even say to others that you have a Master and you are a disciple, then forget all about it. You are not a disciple, you don't have a Master! Either you have or you don't have. Forget all about sannyas!

Now he is asking me to be allowed to remain hidden from the public, he should be allowed to hide his mala, he should be allowed to wear other clothes so he is not in an embarrassing situation where people ask, "What has happened to you?" Then forget all about sannyas!

Here being a sannyasin is easy, in fact it can be very ego-fulfilling because thousands of sannyasins are here. In fact, not to be a sannyasin here is VERY difficult. You feel awkward; you feel out of tune, out of step. You feel a stranger, an outsider. So even those who are non-sannyasins here, they wear orange just at least to feel a part, so they don't feel like strangers, so they can participate more easily.

The real difficulty is when you are in Berlin or London or Tokyo or New York, where people will ask, "What has happened to you?" And if you cannot accept your disciplehood there, you have not accepted it here either. YOU were just deceiving yourself.

A disciple rejoices in being a disciple, rejoices that he has found a Master. But the ego wants to be quickly a Master, as quickly as possible so that you are finished with being a disciple. Just the paradox of it.

Manjushri, Sariputra, Moghalan, Mahakashyapa became enlightened and remained disciples, still touching the feet of Buddha -- not touching his hand!

And people asked them... even Buddha has asked Manjushri, "Why do you touch my feet? There is no need. Now you are as much a Buddha as I am! You are absolutely free."

And tears came to Manjushri's eyes. He said, "Never say again to me, 'You are free.' Now is the point when I can really bow down to you, because now I can recognize you absolutely. In those dreamy days I had only a vague sense; the doubt was also lingering somewhere in the unconscious: 'Maybe he is enlightened, maybe he is not. Maybe I am just projecting. Maybe it is only my desire to find an enlightened Master that has created the whole illusion. Maybe I am living out my dream. Because my need to depend is so much I may have projected the whole thing on this person. He may not really be enlightened.' It remains because the vagueness is there, so it remains somewhere lingering around on the periphery."

Manjushri said, "Those days I have touched your feet, but it was not total. I had touched your feet, I had tried in every possible way to trust you, but there was effort involved. Now has come the moment I can really bow down to you and touch your feet with absolute knowing that you are the one that I have been seeking for many many lives.

"And my enlightenment is nothing to brag about. I am grateful to you -- it has happened through you. Although you go on saying that you have nothing to do with it, I know it has happened through you. You may not be the cause of it, but you triggered the process; your presence triggered the process."

This is what Karl Gustav Jung calls synchronicity. The Master is not the CAUSE of your enlightenment because the cause cannot be outside. Enlightenment cannot be caused from the outside, otherwise it will be something caused by the outside. If it is caused by the outside, then it can be taken away also from the outside, it can be destroyed by the outside. If the Master wants one day to make you unenlightened again he can make you unenlightened! If the cause is in his hands, then the process can be reversed.

But no Master can do that. Even if the Master wants to do it, it is impossible. It cannot be done because the Master is not the CAUSE of your enlightenment. He is only what Jung calls a catalytic agent. Yes, it has happened in his presence, but his presence was only a catalytic agent -- not a cause but a synchronicity. You saw the Master and something started growing in you, something clicked. But it happened inside you; the outer Master was just a mirror. You saw your original face in the mirror. The mirror has not caused the original face; the original face was ALWAYS there inside you. The mirror has only made you aware of it. But without the mirror you may not have become aware for millions of years or millions of lives still.

Hence Manjushri says, "Now I can bow down, I can touch your feet in totality. You may go on saying, 'Don't touch my feet, there is no need,' but as far as I am concerned I am going to touch your feet. I am going to worship you, because in those days my worship was not total. Now the moment has come when I know you are the one I have been seeking and searching for, and through you I have also become the one that I have been trying to become and was not able to become because there was nobody to reflect my original face."

Prem Ketan, right now you cannot recognize in that sense. You will have to become enlightened. To know a Buddha one has to become a Buddha, to know a Christ one has to become a Christ. Knowing will happen only in the end, but feeling can happen. Feeling is the beginning. Remember, I am not saying knowledge, I am saying knowing. Knowledge is of the mind, feeling is of the heart, knowing is of the being. Feeling is closer to knowing; it is half-way between knowledge and knowing. You drop out of knowledge, you enter into the world of feeling.

This is the beginning of disciplehood. Then one day you drop out of feeling and you enter the world of being. You become enlightened. That is the end of the disciplehood, in a sense, and the beginning of a real disciplehood, in another sense. The old disciplehood disappears; now you are no more dependent. And remember, only the dependent person wants to be independent. One who is independent, why should he hanker to be independent? Only the person who is not free wants to be free. One who is free, why should he want to be free?

I can understand Manjushri's standpoint, that "There is no need to touch your feet, there is no need to be a disciple." Buddha is right, and Manjushri is also right. He said, "There is no need to cling, but there is no need either to drop out of this love affair now that it has blossomed, now that I have come to the highest peak. There is no need because I am free, so there is no NEED to be free. I know I am freedom, hence all hankering for freedom has disappeared."

In your state of mind it is bound to be either knowledge -- then you are not a disciple, you can at the most be a student -- or a feeling: then you are a disciple. When you become enlightened you become a devotee; the Master is no more needed.

The Master says, "If you meet me on the way, kill me," but you cannot kill -- there s no need! You can kiss, you cannot kill. From Buddha's side it is perfectly okay. He says, "If you meet me on the way, kill me."

But one of my sannyasins wrote to me, "Osho, I cannot kill you. When I will meet you on the way I am going to kiss you! " I can understand her standpoint also -- that's perfectly right. But in killing the same happens as in kissing. Why does Buddha say, "Kill me"? -- so that there is not any more duality. The same can happen through kissing: there is no more duality, you become one. That's what is needed: either kill or kiss!

In your state, Prem Ketan, it seems you are still living in the world of knowledge, otherwise this question would not have arisen. YOU are still a student, not a disciple.

A homosexual was walking down the street with his dog. A little kid started teasing him, "Homo, homo!"

The gay stopped and politely asked the little boy not to say such things. But the boy persisted, "Homo! Homo!"

"Look, kid, I am warning you, don't say that!"

"Homo, homo!" came the reply.

"Hey, kid, one more time and I will put my dog onto you! "

"Homo, homo!"

"Okay, Rex, go get him!"

The dog stood up, and in a soft, furry voice said, "Woo-oof!"

Now the homo's dog is bound to be a homo! Is this a way to call "woof" -- so politely, so lovingly?

One sannyasin, to our dentist, Devageet: "I don't know what is worse, having a baby or getting a tooth pulled. "

Devageet: "Make up your mind, ma, I've got to know which way to tilt the chair!"

Complaining of the distance between campus buildings, Velma, the veterinarian's daughter, wrote home for money to buy a bicycle. But by the time the money arrived she had changed her mind and bought a monkey instead.

After a few weeks the animal began losing its hair. Hoping her father might know a cure, Velma wrote, "All the hair is falling off my monkey. What shall I do?"

Her father sent this telegram: "Sell the bicycle!"

After a really wild night in a hostel party the young Jordanhill lad was hauled off to Mass. He was ignorant of the various rituals involved and his girl seemed constantly to be whispering, "Bless yourself -- kneel -- sit down -- stand up -- sit."

Perspiring from all this activity, he took out a hanky from his pocket to mop his brow. He then laid it on his lap to dry. Seeing this his girl leaned over and whispered, "Is your fly open?"

"No," he replied testily, "should it be?"

Sheik Abdullah was looking for a few girls for his teenage son's harem. He asked a neighboring sheik, "Do you have any extra brides you would like to sell?"

"Yes," said the neighbor, "I have got a few lying around loose."

The son nudged his old man. "Try to get some tight ones," he whispered. "Yours are all loose -- loose as camels! "

Your understanding, your knowledge, your mind, cannot recognize, but your feeling, your love -- not your logic -- can have a vague sense. It can smell, it can taste something of the divine. It can have an encounter with a faraway distant call. But it is going to be a faraway, distant call. If you move in the direction from where the call has come you may arrive to the third plane of your being where knowing happens, when you are also in the same space as I am. Then it explodes totally. Then you know it. It is no more knowledge; it is your experience. You see it, and seeing is transforming, knowing is transforming.

Move from being a student towards being a disciple, and then go on moving. CHARAIVETI CHARAIVETI. Go on moving towards being a devotee.

And what I am you can be. I am simply your future. What has happened to me can happen to you. That day will come the total and absolute, unconditional, irrevocable recognition. Before that it is not possible.


Next: Chapter 15: Kiss or Kill, Question 5


Energy Enhancement                Enlightened Texts                Desiderata                 Guida Spirituale



Chapter 15






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