The third question:

Question 3

EVERY LECTURE IS TO BE AN INJECTION OF LIFE. AT TIMES I GO OUT PERMEATED BY YOUR PRESENCE, AT TIMES CONFUSED; ANYHOW, RICH, NEW. I FEEL LOVING AND LOVED BY LIFE. INSTEAD, AFTER EVEN THE SWEETEST DARSHAN, I FEEL DEEPLY FRUSTRATED. COULD YOU SAY SOMETHING ABOUT THIS?

The question is from Prapatti.

Yes, I know this happens. This has to happen. It is with a deep consideration; I want it to happen that way. When you are listening to me in the morning talk, I'm not talking to you personally. I'm not talking to anybody personally. I'm not talking to anybody in particular, I'm simply talking. Of course, you are not involved in it, you are just a listener. Even if I hit you on your heads you can always think it is for others, you can always find excuses: "Osho is doing it to others, doing well." You can always exclude yourself.

But when you come to darshan in the evening, I am talking to you in particular, Prapatti. Then I hit you and you cannot avoid it. And I know you need many shocks, because there is no other way to wake you. The alarm has to be jarring and hard, and when you would like to sleep, the alarm disturbs you. In fact, exactly in those moments when you would have really liked to sleep, suddenly the alarm goes.

Whenever I see any fragment of sleep travelling in your mind, I have to hit you hard. And of course, in darshan you are facing me; it is an encounter, and you feel frustrated. If you understand you will feel fulfilled, not frustrated. If you understand you will see why I hit you so hard. I am not your enemy. It must be out of compassion that I hit you so hard. If you understand me, you will feel grateful that I bother to hit you. Let me tell you a few anecdotes.

A man went into a large store and bought some groceries. As he was waiting for his change, he kicked the assistant in the leg. Then he apologized: "I'm awfully sorry, sir. It is a nervous thing I have."

"Why don't you see a doctor about it then?" the assistant asked him.

Soon he returned to the store. This time, nothing happened at all.

"I see you are cured," said the assistant. "Did you see the psychiatrist? "

"I did," said the man.

"How did he cure you?" the assistant asked.

"Well," said the man, "when I kicked him in the leg, he kicked me back -- and very hard."

So when you come to me, remember: if you kick me, I am going to kick you very hard. And sometimes even when you don't kick, I kick. Your ego has to be shattered; that's why the frustration. The frustration is of the ego, it is not yours. I don't allow your ego. I don't give any visible or invisible support to it. But in the morning talks, it is very easy. Whatsoever hammering I do is for others, and whatsoever you feel good with is for you; you can choose. But not so in the evening.

Let me tell you another anecdote.

She: "Do you love me with all your heart and soul?"

He: "Uh huh."

She: "Do you think I am the most beautiful girl in the world, bar none?"

He: "Yeah."

She: "Do you think my lips are like rose petals, my eyes limpid pools, my hair like silk?"

He: "Yup."

She: "Oh, you say the nicest things."

In the morning talk, it is very easy; you can believe whatsoever you want to believe I am saying to you. But in the evening darshan, it is impossible.

But remember that I hit you hard to help you. It is out of compassion and love. When a stranger comes to me, I don't hit him, even in darshan. In fact, I don't make any contact, because all contact from me is going to be like an electric shock. Only with sannyasins am I hard, and I am harder when I see that your potentiality is greater. Prapatti has a great potential. She can grow and flower beautifully, and in no time, but she needs great pruning. It hurts. Remember, whenever it hurts, always watch... and you will see it is the ego that feels hurt, not you. Dropping the ego, chopping the ego, one day you will arise out of it, beyond the clouds. And then you will understand my compassion and my love, not before it.

People ask me, "Won't you help us if we are not sannyasins?" I'm ready to help, but it will be difficult for you. Once you are a sannyasin, you become part of me. Then I can do whatsoever I like to do, and I don't bother even to ask your permission; there is no need. Once you have become a sannyasin, you have given me all permission, you have given me all authority. When you take sannyas you are giving a gesture to me, showing your heart. You are saying, "Now, I am here. Do whatsoever you like." And of course, I have to cut many parts which have become wrongly joined in you. It is going to be almost a surgery. Many things have to be removed, undone. Many new things have to be added to you. Your energy has to be re-channelized; it is moving in wrong directions. So it is going to be almost a dismantling, and then a re-creation. It is going to be almost a chaos. But remember always, only out of chaos are dancing stars born; there is no other way.