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I will never Leave You

Second Question



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Question 2


That is impossible! Because total ecstasy is not possible unless you have reached. When you reach, only then total ecstasy flowers. Otherwise, what will be the need to reach, if you are already totally ecstatic? Then there is no point in going anywhere, you have already reached the goal!

In total ecstasy the goal is already left behind. Who wants to reach then? Where will you reach then? There is no more. The path has come to the very end.

In total frustration the ecstasy happens. And why do I say in TOTAL frustration? Because if you are still hoping that happiness is possible in this world -- and when I say THIS world always remember I don't mean the world of the trees and the birds and the sky, when I say this world I mean YOUR MIND, THIS mind, this ego centred mind -- if you are still hoping that maybe there have been many frustrations, but still there is a lurking hope that some day or other, somewhere in the future, with this mind that you have got, with this ego, happiness is possible, then ecstasy will not happen.

Ecstasy happens only when you have come to realize that with this mind no happiness is possible, an absolute realization of the fact that this mind is moving in circles. It is never going to be what you are seeking, it is never going to be a bliss, a benediction. When you realize this totally, suddenly the mind drops! Because without hopes how can you cling to it? And remember, the mind is not clinging to you, you are clinging to it. How Gan a dead thing like mind cling to you? You are clinging to it because there is hope Total frustration destroys all hope, one becomes hopeLESS.

A distinction has to be made. You also become hopeless many times but it is not total. Even in your hopelessness somewhere the seed of hope is hidden. Again it starts sprouting. You are finished with one woman or with one man; you are frustrated; but you are not finished with woman as such or man as such. With one particular woman you are finished, or with a particular man, but not with womankind, not with the phenomenon of the feminine. A desire lurks somewhere deep in your frustration also, that there must be a woman who is just made for you. And you can be happy with her. You are frustrated with particulars but not with the universal.

Frustration is total when you are frustrated with the universal. Then the energy moves inwards. It starts turning in. Then it is not moving out.

You may be frustrated with THIS house where you are living but not with THAT palace someone else is living in. Then you will try to bridge the gap, to convert the hut into a palace. You may be frustrated with the money that you have got, but not with money as such; with the power that you have got but not with the lust for power as such. Total frustration means you are really frustrated. You are suddenly in such a situation that there is nowhere to go, absolutely nowhere to go -- only then the energy turns in, and that turning in is ecstasy.

That's why I called it 'instasy' not ecstasy, because it is a turning in, moving in, going to one's own being. Now you are not 'other directed'. You are not future oriented. You are simply trying to know who you are. The whole world has disappeared. The whole nightmare of it is no more there. An awakening is happening. This awakening will become the goal, and then you will be totally ecstatic.

When I say totally ecstatic you can misunderstand me, because you have lived in misery, and whatsoever I say you will understand from the standpoint of a miserable man. When I say ecstatic you think of something opposite to misery, something like happiness. Then you misunderstand. It is neither like misery nor like happiness. It is different, absolutely different, categorically different, diametrically different, it is a totally different phenomenon. Bliss is neither happiness nor unhappiness. Both have disappeared, the duality gone, you are at home.

And you don't feel that you are ecstatic, remember. If you feel you are ecstatic there is still a possibility of misery coming back, because you are not one with ecstasy, you are still separate. You are still EXPERIENCING it. It is something other than you, it is not YOU.

If you ask Buddha, Are you ecstatic? he will shrug his shoulders. The very question is meaningless, irrelevant. That's why Buddha remained silent about many questions, because he found out that whatsoever he said would be misunderstood. If you ask me, Are you happy? what should I say to you? If you ask me, Are you unhappy? what should I say to you? Somebody HAS asked, You say that you are in paradise; is there pain in paradise or not? There is no pain, but immediately I would like to add -- there is no pleasure either. Because pleasure and pain are two aspects of the same coin. Pleasure converts into pain, pain converts into pleasure. They are not two things.

In Japan there is a story that I would like to tell you. In Japan they think that the white mouse is a good omen. If somebody suddenly sees a white mouse he feels very happy -- something good is going to happen to him.

One day it happened, a father and son were sitting, taking their dinner, when suddenly the son saw that behind the father there was a white mouse. He told his father: Don't turn suddenly, there is a guest behind you, a very good omen. Slowly move and see. The father slowly moved and saw a white mouse, and they were both happy because it was really a good omen, something beautiful was going to happen. The white mouse started moving around them, and because they were not disturbing him he started dancing and shaking; but when he shook, suddenly he became an ordinary grey mouse; because in fact he had fallen in a tin of flour, white flour, that's why he looked white; when he started dancing he became an ordinary grey mouse. Both father and son closed their eyes because the good omen had disappeared -- but even if you close your eyes the grey mouse is there.

This is a beautiful story. This is how it happens. Don't look at happiness too long, otherwise the white flour will drop and suddenly you will say: There is a grey mouse! Avoid! Let the white mouse dance behind you! Don't look too hard and don't look too long. Because in life good and bad are not two things. The day turns into night, the night turns into day again. It is a circle, moving like a wheel of a cart: the same spokes come again and again to the top, and go down.

If you ask me whether I am happy or unhappy, I cannot answer you in those terms. Those terms are irrelevant. At the most I can only say I AM. And that I AMNESS IS totally ecstatic. But there is no ecstasy as such. It is not an experience. It is my way of being at this moment. It is not something happening to me, it is the very nature. When you come to yourself, when you return back home, when you enter into your own innermost core of being, it is not that something new happens to you, it has been happening always; for the first time you realize it.

The realization may be new but the fact is very very ancient, as ancient as the world, as ancient as the gods. It has been there from the very beginning. But you are too much concerned with pain and pleasure in the outer world, your whole consciousness is moving outward.

Close the doors, close the windows, settle within, and suddenly one day you start laughing, one day you start smiling at the fact that you were seeking something that was already there.

I was reading a Christian missionary's life story. He had come newly to an Eastern town. The bungalow and the church were outside the town. There were only two bungalows; he occupied one -- and from the very first day, in the morning when he looked around, just to be acquainted with the territory and the place, he became interested in the other neighbouring bungalow. It looked beautiful. The trees were very green, and there were many flowers. He went around it, he wanted to know to whom the bungalow belonged, and he wanted to become acquainted, to be introduced, but he found no one there. He controlled his curiosity, but every day the curiosity grew more and more. One day he could not contain himself -- it must have been after he had been there one month -- he entered the garden, went to the main door, but it was locked. He went around the house, he couldn't see any sign of anybody there, it was absolutely empty and silent. He became a little apprehensive -- what was the matter? Then he came out again. On the gate he had just missed one thing, just on the gate there was a small notice: 'Key next door.' But he was surprised because next door was his own home! There was no other house, only two houses.

He came back, he enquired, his wife said: Yes, the key is here, why didn't you ask me? The day we came somebody came and said, Keep this key. I am going away for a few months. I will be coming back soon but my son has gone to the war and he may return meanwhile, and he may like to stay for a few days and rest, so keep this key. The key was in the house.

The missionary started laughing, he said, It was really a joke! For one month the house haunted me like anything, and I wanted to go in but I contained myself -- that's not good, to enter, interfere, trespass; but today I couldn't contain my curiosity, I said, It's okay, I must go and see what is the matter. And the key had always been in the house!

The key is with you. The treasure is with you. You have forgotten both. When the energy returns inwards -- that is the key. The energy returning inwards is the key, it opens the door -- and suddenly, the treasure of all treasures is there.


Next: Chapter 6, I will never Leave You, Third Question


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Chapter 6






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