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Sufism

VOL. 1, SUFIS: THE PERFECT MASTER

Chapter-2

There is Communion

Fourth Question

 

 

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The last question:

Question 4

MY WIFE IS VERY MUCH AGAINST REASON. SHE CALLS ALL REASONING 'RATIONALIZATION'. WHAT IS REASONING? AND WHAT IS RATIONALIZATION?

I CAN UNDERSTAND YOUR TROUBLE. Reason is male, emotion is female -- hence the difficulty of communication between a man and a woman, between husband and wife. They are always shouting at coach other, but the message never reaches to the other -- because their way of understanding things are totally different.

In fact, became the ways are different, that's why they are interested in each other, they are attracted to each other. They are polar opposites like positive and negative in electricity. They are pulled together. But because they are opposite, communication is very difficult, almost impossible.

The man always talks from the head, and the woman always talks from the heart. Now these are two different languages: as if you talk Chinese and I talk German. And there is no communication. You can ask Hari Das: Hari Das talks German and Geeta, his girlfriend, talks Japanese. But this is so with everybody! With all Hari Dasas and all Geetas. Languages are different.

They were having a quarrel and the husband said, "Let's NOT quarrel, my dear, let's discuss the thing sensibly."

"No," said the angry wife, "Every time we discuss something sensibly, I lose!"

If the woman is ready to lose, only then can she talk rationally, sensibly. And every woman knows that-that is not the way to win. She will be defeated! because the male mind is an expert in reasoning. So rather than being logical, she starts crying -- now you are defeated. You love the woman and she is crying. Now what is the point of arguing with her? You say, "Okay, you are right." And she has learnt the way, that tears work far better. So it is not a question of what is right: it is a question of who wins.

If you really want to communicate with your woman or a woman wants to communicate with her man, the only way is that both should disappear from reason and emotion, both should become more meditative. Meditation is neither reason nor emotion -- it is going beyond, it is going beyond the polarity. It is transcendental. Meditation takes you beyond reasoning and beyond emotions; it is neither of the head nor of the heart. And the only possibility of any communion, of any communication, between man and woman is meditation. Otherwise, there is no possibility.

The woman will call your reason rationalization. And what do you call it when your woman starts being emotional? You call it sentimentality. These are condemnatory words. Rationalization is a condemnatory word. When you call the woman's emotion 'sentimentality', that is a condemnatory word. And you feel right in yourself, and the woman feels right in herself. Different ways of thinking. No one is right and no one is wrong -- because ALL ways of thinking are wrong. A state of no-thought is right. A state of no-emotion is right.

So when you love a woman and the woman loves you deeply, there is communion, because in that love there is meditation.

But that love comes and goes. You are not yet capable enough of containing it forever, so the honeymoon disappears soon. When you fall in love with a woman, everything goes well. You both agree with each other. Never is there any argument. So understanding of each other, so compassionate towards each other, so sympathetic. But after the honeymoon is over, then small things... so small that when you want to talk about them you feel embarrassed. It happens every day to me:

A couple comes. They have been fighting, on the verge of separation. And I ask, "What is the matter?" And the man says to the woman, "You say it," and she says, "You say it." The fact is that both are embarrassed because the matter is nothing, trivial. Just a small thing. Maybe the quarrel has started... the woman wanted to wear one sari and the man didn't like the color, and he said, "I am not going with you to the party in THIS sari!"

How stupid -- stupid of both, but it can lead to, it can trigger, a great argument. And then they start bringing great things into it, and all their differences immediately surface. They are at daggers drawn. They have made a mountain out of a molehill. And they go on condemning each other: "You are wrong -- all your reasoning is just a rationalization." And I am not saying that all your reasoning is reasoning -- ninety-nine percent it is rationalization. end I am not saying that all the emotions of the women ARE emotions -- ninety-nine percent they are sentimentalities.

Mind is very tricky -- both, male or female. Mind is very cunning .

A man of fifty married a woman of thirty. The marriage caused quite a bit of talk in their circles. Once, when someone asked the newly married man about the great difference in age, he replied, "It's not bad at all. When she looks at me she feels ten years older and when I look at her I feel ten years younger. So what's wrong? We're both forty!"

This is a rationalization. A rationalization is a way of hiding things. It is a clever way, very clever. You can rationalize about everything possible, and you can pretend that it is reasoning. It is not. Reasoning has to be objective, without any prejudice on your part.

Once a man came to me. He has written many books, and he is the head of a department in a university for paranormal or parapsychological research work. He came to me and he said, "I am trying to prove that reincarnation is a scientific truth."

I asked him, "Unless you have proved it, don't say it -- because that shows a prejudice. You have already accepted the idea that it IS a scientific truth, now all that is needed is to prove it. This is not being objective or scientific. This is not being rational. Deep down you are a Hindu and you accept the theory. If you were a Mohammedan, you would be trying to prove that 'There is no reincarnation and I am going to prove it scientifically."'

Neither is a scientist. The Mohammedan does not believe, so he tries to prove HIS belief with the help of science. You are trying to prove YOUR belief with the help of science. This is rationalization.

A man of pure reason has no belief, no prejudice, no A PRIORI idea. He simply goes into inquiry with no judgment, no conclusions . The inquiry will decide what the conclusion is. It will be decided by the inquiry itself. If you have even a lurking desire to prove something, you will prove it, but you have destroyed its scientificness. It is no longer reason. It is rational.

And so is emotion. Emotion is a purity; sentimentality is a trick. You have learnt a trick. The woman knows that if she cries, she is the winner. Now, sometimes the crying is not coming at all, because crying is not so easily manipulated. But she tries to bring it, she acts, she pretends. Those tears are false. Even if they are flowing through the eyes, they are false -- because they are not coming, they are being brought.

Sentimentality is emotion created, manipulated, cunningly. Rationality is one thing; rationalization is a manipulation of reason just as sentimentality is a manipulation of emotion. If you are rational, REALLY rational, you will become a scientist. If you are really emotional, you will become a poet. These are beautiful things. But still, dialogue will not be possible -- it will be easier. With rationalization and sentimentality it is very difficult, but with reason and emotion it is not so difficult -- still there will be difficulties, but there will be compassion, an effort to understand each other. The rational man will try to understand the woman's viewpoint rationally; and the woman will try to understand the man's viewpoint -- emotionally, of course, but compassion will be there.

First step is: drop all rationalizations and all sentimentalities. And the second step is: drop reason and emotion too. And then in that state of ecstasy, of meditation, there is communion. And that communion is prayer. In that communion when you say 'thou', there is no woman, there is God; there is no man, there is God.

 

Next: Chapter 3, A Rolling Stone

 

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Chapter 2

 

 

 

 
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