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Chapter 2: A Chance To Pour My Grace Into You
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The second question:
DEAR OSHO, DID THE REAL MASTER JESUS, THE ONE BEYOND ALL THE CHRISTIAN DISTORTIONS, TO WHOM I ONCE OPENED MY HEART, DID HE SEND ME TO YOU?
ALL THE WAY BACK THIS TIME, TENTATIVE AND UNSURE, I COME TO YOU. I WOULD HOLD THIS MALA AND LOOK AT YOUR PICTURE AND YOU WOULD SAY TO ME, USING JESUS' WORDS, " COME UNTO ME YE WHO LABOR AND ARE HEAVY LADEN AND I WILL GIVE YOU REST, FOR MY YOKE IS EASY AND MY BURDEN LIGHT."
I WAS SURPRISED BY SUCH HAPPINESS TO BE BEFORE YOU IN DARSHAN AND WAS TRANSPORTED BY THE ETERNAL NOW OF YOUR PRESENCE. YET UNDERNEATH SOMEWHERE I HAVE HELD BACK. I HAVE A BITTER HATRED TOWARDS FALSE TEACHERS AND HAVE BEEN AFRAID TO BE DUPED AGAIN.
I COME CLUTTERED WITH MY FEAR, DOUBT, PRIDE, REBELLION, GUILT, AND WRATH WHICH ERUPTS EVEN AT YOU. I COME WITH THE HARD GROWTH YOU HAVE FOSTERED IN ME.
BHAGWAN OF GOD, I LONG TO TRUST AND SURRENDER, SOMEHOW KNOWING IT IS THE BEST WAY FOR COMING HOME TOTALLY, TO YOU, TO MYSELF, TO JESUS, TO THE UNIVERSE.
Alok, neither have I spoken to you nor has Jesus. It is only your Christian conditioning. You don't know a thing about Jesus -- you can't know.
And to come to me through Jesus is not to come to me. If Jesus remains between me and you, there will be no connection, no contact, no communion. If you understand me, then there is no distinction between me and Jesus, so why go on carrying this Jesus of your mind? This is just your past speaking to you, and you are trying to hide your past behind a beautiful name, Jesus. You don't know a thing about Jesus.
I am here, you are with me, and you cannot understand me. How can you understand a Jesus? The gap between you and Jesus is that of two thousand years. All that you know about Jesus is what you have been taught. Although you say that you don't believe in the Jesus that has been given to you by the Christians -- but what other Jesus do you know? If there had not been a Christian church you would not even have heard of Jesus. All that you know about Jesus you know through the Christian propaganda.
I am here confronting you, and still you are keeping a curtain between me and you. Now, you call that curtain Jesus.
Your question is relevant to many people. It is not only that wrong things can become barriers between a Master and a disciple; the so-called good things, beautiful things, can become even far stronger barriers between the Master and the disciple. In fact, only the good things can be the barriers -- because you cannot think of them as barriers.
You say, "Did the REAL Master Jesus...?" What do you know about the real and the unreal Jesus? And how are you going to make a distinction between the real and the unreal? You will make the distinction -- and you are living in darkness, you are groping in darkness. Out of your confusion, whatsoever you decide is going to be more confusion and nothing else. Who is going to decide what is real and what is unreal? You, Alok? That is sacrilegious.
That's what the Jews were doing when they crucified Jesus. They Were deciding, and they decided, "He is not the real Christ. He is not the messiah we have been waiting for. "
How are you going to decide?
Now, Alok has two conditionings in his mind: one is Christian, another is communist. Now, Christians are dangerous, communists are dangerous -- Alok is doubly dangerous. Now he will have a concept of Jesus which is in tune with his communist idea; his Jesus will be a communist. His Jesus will be "comrade Jesus". And that will be fiction -- your fiction. You impose something on Jesus, and everything can be imposed, because people like Jesus or Buddha are so pure, so empty -- they are white, empty curtains -- you can impose anything on them, and they are so non-resistant.
Jesus has said, "Resist not evil." These people are non-resistant; you can impose anything. And now they are not there either to do anything about it. Jesus cannot say, "I am not a comrade." You can find statements which are of your liking, and then you can prove that Jesus was the first communist.
In fact, the real apostles of Jesus are not Thomas, Luke, but Karl Marx, Engels, Lenin, and particularly Mao -- because Alok is Chinese too.
What Jesus do you think is real? On what criterion will you decide it? You will be choosing according to your mind; you will drop many things which don't fit with you. And this is the wrong approach.
You are already in great confusion, Alok. Just look at your confusion, and don't try to find out what is the "real" Jesus. The best way is to find out who are you -- what is real in you. And that is the reality of Jesus, because the real is not separate. Whatsoever is real in you is real in me. Whatsoever is unreal in you is unreal in me. The only way to know is to come into a conscious state of your own reality: what is real in you. You are living in dreams and thoughts -- you have not contacted your own ground of being -- and then you start deciding who is the real Jesus.
Not only that, then that real Jesus sends you here to me. Now you will not even be able to understand me, because continuously the Jesus that you have created in your mind will be interfering.
You say, "Did the real Master Jesus, the one beyond all Christian distortions...?" And what do you think, you are not distorting? Maybe it is your distortion, but do you think your distortion is better than the distortion of the Christians? It can't be better; a distortion is a distortion, and all minds distort. Only in a state of meditation is there no distortion.
So please, become more meditative. When you are silent, utterly silent and quiet, contented, fulfilled, just herenow and no thought moves in your mind, the mind functions no more and you are transported into an unbounded space, contentless, thoughtless, but fully alert, you will know what is real in you. And whatsoever is real in you is real in Jesus, is real in me -- because it is real. Real is real. It makes no differences between me and you, Jesus and Buddha. Reality is one.
You say, "Did the real Master Jesus, the one beyond all the Christian distortions, to whom I once opened my heart, did he send me to you?"
Why bother him? Can't you come to me on your own? Can't you have even that much responsibility? You are throwing the responsibility on Jesus? So if something goes wrong he will be wrong. If I am not proved right according to you, then Jesus will be at fault and you can complain. This is childish. Why can't you come yourself? When are you going to become a little more mature? The moment a person is mature he takes responsibility on his own shoulders.
This is tricky, cunning, clever. Writing this question, you must have thought that you are writing a beautiful thing. And this is egoistic too: Jesus sends you, Jesus takes care of you, you are so important. On this earth there are millions and millions of people, and Jesus has chosen Alok -- just think of it! How great Alok is, and he sends him to me.
Can't you come yourself? How long are you going to lean upon others? Why are you so afraid of committing mistakes? This is just a fear of committing mistakes. Jesus will not commit a mistake -- if Jesus sends, then it must be right. If you choose, who knows? It may be wrong. But remember, people only grow through committing many mistakes. Each mistake is an opportunity to grow. Don't be irresponsible and don't hide your irresponsibility behind beautiful names. Jesus is only a trick of your mind.
"All the way back this time, tentative and unsure, I come to you. I would hold this mala and look at your picture and you would say to me, using Jesus' words.... " Why are you making things complicated? Why can't I say things directly to you? Why should I use Jesus' words? It is your own mind that is imposing these words of Jesus on me. It is your own memory that is playing a tape; that is simply an old record.
"'Come unto me ye who labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest, for my yoke is easy and my burden light.' " Why should I say it through Jesus' words? But neither have I said anything to you.... I am here, so I can say, "Alok, I have not said a single thing to you." Now Jesus is not here, he cannot refute you, but at least I can refute you. These were your words. These are your desires. You are afraid of me; you would like to rest, not to change. You would like the yoke to be easy, and it is not easy. You would like it to be light, and it is not light.
Just remember Jesus again. He has also said -- but that didn't occur to you -- that "Those who are going to follow me will have to carry their crosses on their own shoulders. " Now, to carry a cross on your own shoulders can't be easy, can't be light. It was not light even for Jesus; carrying the cross, the heavy cross, he stumbled on the way. Two, three times he fell on the ground.
The road was uphill. They were going to Golgotha to crucify him, and they had forced him to carry his own cross. It was heavy -- crosses can't be light. It was not a gold cross that you can hang around your neck. It was not a cross that Christians, Christian priests, bishops, popes, hang around their necks. It was not a gold cross! His neck was going to be hung on it. And the weight was heavy, and he was thirsty and hungry, and they were forcing him to carry the cross, and he fell two, three times.
And the crucifixion was not easy either. Death cannot be easy. When Mohammed says, "Die before you die," it is not going to be easy. Don't deceive yourself. The work of inner transformation is hard.
But that's what Alok is desiring, that it should not be hard -- hoping against hope. When Jesus was crucified on the cross he was really angry at God. For a moment all trust was shattered. He looked at the sky and said, "Have you forsaken me? What are you doing to me?" For a moment it was really hard, unbearable. He recaptured his balance, that is another matter, but the weight was not light. It can't be. No real transformation can be light.
Then why does he say, "Come unto me ye who labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest, for my yoke is easy and my burden light"? This is just a seduction. I also seduce you, giving you an idea of a very easy sannyas. It is not.
I have heard, an old man with his young son were lost in a forest. By the evening they reached a small hut. They inquired, "How far is the town?" They were utterly tired. Hungry, thirsty, they wanted to reach the town as soon as possible; they wanted to eat something and rest. And the old man was really old, very old The man in that hut said, "The town is ten miles away. "
Just listening to this, ten miles, the old man simply fell on the ground. He was not even able to take one step -- ten miles? The woman who was also in the hut, the wife of the villager, said to her husband, "Please, make it two miles. Look how tired they are. Make it two miles. "
When somebody is too tired it is good not to say the whole thing. Bit by bit let them pass, two miles, then again two miles, then again two miles....
So when you ask me, "When is it going to happen, Osho?" I say, "Soon," just to keep you alive and moving. That's what Jesus is doing, each Master has to do. The whole truth cannot be told to you, you will not be able to bear it; you can absorb it only in small chunks, small bits. Once they are digested you will be able to bear a little more.
But don't try to deceive yourself that Jesus has spoken to you.
You say, "I was surprised by such happiness to be before you in darshan and was transported by the eternal now of your presence. Yet underneath somewhere I have held back. " That has happened because of your idea of Jesus, and he is sending you here and I have been speaking to you through Jesus' words and using his statements. That's why you could not be open totally to me.
Yes, you were happy, but that is nothing compared to the bliss that could have happened if you were really available. Jesus was standing between you and me -- and not Jesus really, but your idea of Jesus. And Karl Marx is there and Lenin and Mao. It is a big queue! And to search for you behind this queue is very difficult, Alok.
Let these people be dispersed. I am enough, just as Jesus was enough when he was here. There was no need for anybody else. When you are with a Master the Master is enough. Either you are with him or you are not. If you are with him, he is enough. Then you don't bring Jesus, Buddha, et cetera; there is no need. And I am not saying that they are wrong, but that there is no need. Why unnecessarily complicate the phenomenon? It is already complicated.
Just face me. Just look directly into my eyes and let me approach you. Let me hold your hands. Either you are with me or you are not with me, but don't play these cunning games, that "I am with you because Jesus has sent me." I have never sent anybody to Jesus, so why should he send anybody to me? He was enough unto himself, I am enough unto myself.
"Yet underneath somewhere I have held back." That is where your Jesus and Mao and all the others are standing and keeping you back, holding you.
"I have a bitter hatred towards false teachers.... " Why should you have a bitter hatred towards false teachers? That Very hatred will not allow you to be in communion with a Master. The false teachers are also needed, because there are false disciples. Where will they go? You never think of the false disciples? You may have never thought about it, never heard the word "false disciple", but false disciples need false teachers. You get only that which you deserve. If you are false, you will get a false teacher.
Why this hatred? The false is also necessary, because knowing the false as false you will be able to know the true as true. Otherwise how will you know? Recognizing the false as false is a great step. And the real disciple will be thankful even to false teachers, because he will say, "It is through them that I have been able to come to the real Master. "
A man of understanding can use everything. Even poison can be used as nectar. All that is needed is awareness, intelligence. Hatred is not needed at all, because if you are full of hatred for false teachers, even if you come across a true Master your hatred will become a barrier, because how are you going to decide suddenly that "Now I have come to the true"? The suspicion, the doubt, the mistrust, the hatred will be there -- and that won't allow you to know the real. And if you can't know the real, you will decide that he is also false. Now you are caught in a vicious circle.
There is no need to carry any hatred, no need to carry any wounds. If you lived with a false teacher that simply shows you were foolish. And living with a false teacher you have become at least that wise, that you know who is a false teacher.
Mulla Nasrudin was selling a certain medicine -- it was nothing, just sugar pills, "homeopathic" pills -- and he was saying, "Whosoever takes these becomes intelligent." And somebody purchased some, and the next day the man went to Mulla and said, "You deceived me. They were only sugar pills."
And Mulla said, "Look -- you have already become wise. Yesterday you could not see that they are just sugar pills. Now, you see? It has worked. "
You were foolish if you got caught by a false teacher. Don't be angry at the false teacher, just see your foolishness. He has not done anything wrong to you. You were foolish enough; that's why you were caught. And if you have become aware that he is false, at least for this much you must be grateful to him. See? It has worked -- you are wiser.
And remember always, before coming to the right door you will have to knock on many wrong doors, because a true Master is a rare phenomenon -- once in a while. You will have to search the whole earth, and only once in a while will you come across a real Master. But you will come across thousands of unreal pretenders. But they also help; there is no need to carry any hatred for them, they also help. Knocking on a wrong door, seeing that it is wrong, slowly, slowly you become aware of what is wrong. And that's how one learns about what is right.
"I have a bitter hatred," you say, "towards false teachers and have been afraid to be duped again. " They cannot dupe you unless you are ready to be duped, unless you are willing to be duped. It all depends on you. Never throw the responsibility on anybody else -- that's what, Alok, you are doing in your whole question. You throw the responsibility on Jesus, that he has sent you here. You throw the responsibility on false teachers, that they have been duping you. And you keep yourself aloof, as if you are not involved in it at all, that you are not a participant. How can a false teacher dupe you if you are not ready to be duped?
My whole effort is to make you aware of your responsibility because only by becoming aware of your responsibility do you become mature, you become grown-up. And remember, just growing old is not synonymous with being grown-up. Everybody grows old, very few people grow up. Aging is one thing, growing up another. What is the meaning of growing up?taking all the responsibilities, good and bad. Whatsoever happens to you, you are responsible for it.
This vision will help you to grow, because if you are responsible you become more conscious of each step that you take.
You say, "I come cluttered with my fear, doubt, pride, rebellion, guilt and wrath which erupts even at you." The whole problem is one: that you don't take any responsibility on yourself. That's why you erupt in wrath and anger even against me, and for no reason at all.
That's what happened in America. Alok was running a center there in San Francisco. A few sannyasins had gathered, and they said to Alok, "We don't feel Osho's presence in your center as we have felt it in other centers. " And they were right; they were not wrong. They were really sensitive. They must have felt your presence, Alok, not my presence -- because you have not yet allowed me to happen to you. You have been a fence sitter. You have been just sitting on the fence, ready to jump if something goes wrong, jump away and escape. You are not yet involved with me; you are not ready to die with me and live with me. You are still carrying your ego. And they were right.
And what happened? When they said this, that they don't feel Osho's presence in Alok's place, he didn't listen to what they were saying, he didn't meditate over it; on the contrary, he threw my mala, jumped on it, broke the mala, went to the ocean and threw it in. And that time also he felt that God was saying to him, "Throw this mala!" and he threw it. Then God said, "Now you a]so jump." But he didn't jump. And he himself wrote to me, "I only followed half. I could not gather that much courage. " So if it is a question of throwing me, you can throw easily, but if it is a question of throwing yourself, you cannot throw.
If it is a question of choosing between me and you, Alok, you will choose yourself. And that is not the way of a disciple. A disciple would have done just the reverse; he would not have thrown the mala. Yes, he may have jumped himself. He would have said to God, "Okay. If you say for me to jump, I will jump, but I cannot throw the mala."
Remember, just the other day I was telling you about Majnu, who said, "I will only open my eyes to see my beloved Laila"? And then God came, out of great compassion, and he said, "Look who is standing before you! I am God myself, asking you to look at me." But Majnu said, "Get lost. If it is a choice between Laila and God, I choose Laila. "
If someday there is a choice between the Master and God, the disciple will choose the Master -- because it is only through the Master that he can reach God. The Master is the bridge. Choosing God against the Master, you will never reach, because you will not have any bridge.
You are full of "fear, doubt, pride, rebellion, guilt, wrath, " but if you look deep down, these are only on the circumference. At the center is nothing but an egoistic narcissistic neurotic attitude. You are an egoist, Alok, and you will have to die as an ego. Only then can I live in you and transform you.
Again, you say, "Osho... I long to trust and surrender, somehow knowing it is the best way for coming home totally, to you, to myself, to Jesus, to the universe." Again Jesus comes in. I am not separate from Jesus, Jesus is not separate from me. There is no need to say "coming to you and coming to Jesus"; it is an unnecessary repetition.
And the whole thing is very calculative; you say, "I long to trust and surrender, somehow knowing it is the best way for coming home totally.... " You are not yet risking. Calculating: this seems to be the best way, the most rational way -- to surrender. But how can you surrender with this attitude? Surrender means there is no way left. Surrender means, "I have failed, and failed totally.'' Surrender means there is no hope, "There is no possibility of my ever reaching the goal. " In that helplessness, in that hopelessness surrender happens. It is not something that you do; you cannot "do" surrender. If it is done it is not surrender: you are there as a doer standing behind, you can take it back.
Surrender means you have disappeared. Now you cannot take it back, there is no way. You cannot go back, there is nowhere to go back to. Surrender is a happening, and it only happens not out of calculation but out of the failure of all calculation, when you have utterly failed. You have tried this way and that, and you have tried all the possible ways and you see that you cannot reach anywhere, you go on moving in the same groove.
That's what happened to Buddha. After six years of tremendous effort he came to recognize the fact that whatsoever he is going to do is not going to help. Because it comes out of the ego, how can it take you out of the ego? It comes as part of the ego, is an extension of the ego -- how can it take you beyond the ego? It is the ego who becomes the doer; the ego cannot decide to surrender. If it decides, it has deceived you again. Then it is there, controlling even your surrender -- and the ego cannot control your surrender. If it is true, surrender means egolessness.
Buddha worked hard for six years in all possible ways, and there was no way to come home. The more he tried, the farther away he was.
One evening, sitting under a tree near the river Niranjana, he just became aware of the whole absurdity of effort as such. He laughed and went to sleep. There was nothing else to do; that laughter was the end of all effort. It was ridiculous. He laughed at himself, went to sleep. "For the first time" -- later on, he told his disciples -- "For the first time, I slept, because there was no dream, no thought."
When you have dropped all effort, what dream can come to you? What thought can come to you? There is nothing to do; all doing has failed. He was in a state of utter hopelessness, helplessness. Don't think that he was sad; when you are really hopeless you cannot be sad either. Sadness means you are still hoping; sadness means this effort has failed, that's why you are sad -- but some other effort will succeed. Again you will dream, again you will think, again you will plan, again you will project. Hopelessness means now there is no hope, not that "I am a failure."
In reality there is no possibility for human egos to succeed, because they are illusory and an illusion cannot succeed.
Seeing this, he laughed. In that laughter the transformation happened. He slept the whole night without any dreams, without any thought. It must have been a deep, deep sleep. And by the morning, when the last star was disappearing in the sky, he opened his eyes; and as he saw the last star disappearing, he also disappeared. That's the meaning of becoming enlightened. Then he used to say, "Doing, I failed. Non-doing, I arrived."
The whole secret, the great secret, the secret of the secrets, is in non-doing. Non-doing is surrender.
Alok, you cannot figure it out. You cannot reckon, "Let us now surrender, because surrender seems to be the best way to attain something -- bliss, God, Jesus, samadhi, enlightenment, nirvana. " But then surrender is a means to some end, and true surrender is not a means to any end. A surrender is simple surrender. There is no question of going anywhere; one has simply relaxed. That very relaxation, and you have come home.
You will not find me there, you will not find Jesus there, you will not find yourself there. You will not find the thing that you call "the universe"; you will not find anything that you have known or dreamed up to now. You will find a totally new phenomenon, utterly discontinuous with all that you have thought, dreamed about.
But you say, "Osho... I long to trust" -- it is a desire in you -- "and surrender, somehow knowing it is the best way for coming home totally, to you, to myself, to Jesus, to the universe."
You will not find anything -- the universe, me, Jesus, you. Nothing is found when you are surrendered, when you are in trust, when you have come home. And what you find is inexpressible.
The Sufis call, the first state when you surrender, they call it fana fi'llah: disappearing into God. And then out of that disappearing, something starts appearing; that they call baka bi'llah: appearance of the total, the inexpressible, the indefinable. That indefinable is called God, that incredible experience of disappearing into the whole and becoming the whole. You will not find anything that you can think about right now; all words are inadequate to express it. It is a wordless experience.
There is not even an experiencer: there is no division between the knower and the known. The knower is the known, the experiencer is the experienced, the observer is the observed. All duality has disappeared. There is no subject, no object. It is a different state. You can call it "transjective": neither subjective nor objective. It is transjective, it is transcendental to both.
Next: Chapter 2: A Chance To Pour My Grace Into You, Question 3
Energy Enhancement Enlightened Texts Sufism The secret
| GAIN ENERGY APPRENTICE
| THE ENERGY BLOCKAGE REMOVAL
| THE KARMA CLEARING
PROCESS APPRENTICE LEVEL3
OF RELATIONSHIPS TANTRA APPRENTICE LEVEL4
EE LEVEL1 EE LEVEL2
EE LEVEL3 EE LEVEL4 EE FAQS