THE ENERGY ENHANCEMENT MEDITATION COURSE BY VIDEO
VIGYAN BHAIRAV TANTRA VOL2
Only the unreal dissolves
VIGYAN BHAIRAV TANTRA VOL2
Only the unreal dissolves
FEEL: MY THOUGHT, I-NESS, INTERNAL ORGANS -- ME.
BEFORE DESIRE AND BEFORE KNOWING,
HOW CAN I SAY I AM?
CONSIDER. DISSOLVE IN THE BEAUTY.
Once a visitor asked many people in a small town about the mayor: `What type
of man is your mayor?'
Said the priest, `He is no good.'
Said the filling-station attendant, `He is a bum.'
And said the barber, `I never in my life voted for that rascal.'
Then the visitor met the mayor, a much maligned man, and the visitor asked,
`What pay are you getting for your job?'
Said the mayor, `My goodness, I am not getting any pay for it. I have
accepted this job just for the honor of it!'
This is the situation of the ego -- only YOU think about your ego, no one
else. Only you think that your ego is enthroned; for everyone else it is not
so. No one agrees with your ego except you; everyone else is against it. But
you go on living in a dream, in a delusion. You create your own image. You
feel that image, you protect that image, and you think the whole world
exists for it. This is a delirium, a madness. This is not reality.
The world is not existing for you. No one is concerned with your ego; no
one at all. Whether you are or you are not, it makes no difference. You are
just a wave. The wave comes and goes; the ocean is not worried about it. But
you think yourself very important.
Those who want to dissolve the ego have first to recognize this fact. And
unless you can put aside your egoistic structure, you will not be able to
see the reality, because whatsoever you see, whatsoever you perceive, your
ego distorts it. It tries to manipulate everything for itself. And nothing
is for it, because reality cannot help anything which is false. Remember
that.
Reality cannot support anything which is not, and your ego is the most
impossible thing, the greatest falsity. It is not there; it is your
creation, your imaginative creation. The reality cannot help it. The reality
is always shattering it, always destroying it. Whenever your ego comes in
contact with reality, the reality proves shocking. Just to defend yourself
against these shocks which are always coming, continuously coming to destroy
your ego, by and by you avoid seeing reality.
Rather than lose your ego, you try to avoid seeing the reality. And then
around your ego you create a false world which you think is the reality.
Then you live in your own world. You are not in contact with the real world,
you cannot be, because you are afraid. You are living in a glasshouse of the
ego. The fear is there: whenever the reality comes in contact, your ego may
be destroyed, so it is better not to come in contact with the reality. We go
on escaping from reality just to protect, to defend, this impossible ego.
Why do I call it impossible? Why do I say it is false? Try to understand
this. The reality is one: the reality exists as a whole, as a totality. You
cannot exist alone, or can you? If the trees are not existing you will not
be able to exist, because they are producing oxygen for you. If the air
disappears you will simply die, because that air is giving you vitality,
life. If the sun goes out you will be no more here, because thew warmth, the
rays, they are your life.
Life exists as a cosmic totality. You are not alone, and you cannot exist
alone. You exist in a world. You exist not as an atomic, separate, isolated
existence; you exist in the cosmic whole as a wave. You are interrelated.
And the ego gives you the feeling that you are individual, alone, separate,
isolated. The ego gives you the feeling that you are in island -- you are
not. That's why the ego is false. It is unreal, and the reality cannot
support it.
So there are only two ways. If you come in contact with reality, if you
become open to it, your ego will dissolve. Or, you have to create your own
dream-world, and then live in it. And you have created that world. Everyone
is living in his own dream.
People come to me and I look at them, and I see that they are fast asleep,
dreaming. Their problems are out of their dreams, and they want to solve
them. They cannot be solved because they are not real. How can you solve an
unreal problem? If it exists, it can be solved -- but it is nowhere; it
cannot be solved. An unreal problem -- how can it be solved? It can be
solved only by an unreal answer. But that unreal answer will create other
problems which again will be unreal. And then you fall ad nauseum; there is
no end to it.
If you want to come to meet reality.... And to meet reality is to meet God.
God is not something hidden somewhere in the sky; it is the reality around
you. God is not hidden; you are hidden in an unreality. God is the nearest
immediate presence, but you are hidden in a capsule of your own unreal world
and you go on protecting it -- and the center of it is the ego.
The ego is unreal, because you are not isolated; you are one with reality.
You exist as an organic part of it. You cannot be separated from it. If
separated, not even for a single moment can you be alive. Every breath, and
you are bridged with the cosmos; every moment you are moving in and out,
meeting the real and coming back.
You are a pulsation, not a dead entity, and that pulsation exists in a deep
harmony with the real. But you have forgotten that pulsation. You have
created a dead ego, a concept -- I AM -- and this I AM is always against the
whole: defending itself, struggling, in conflict, in war. Hence the emphasis
of all religions to dissolve the ego.
The first thing: it is unreal; that's why it can be dissolved. Nothing real
can be dissolved. How can you dissolve it? If something is real, it cannot
be destroyed; it will remain. And it will remain whatsoever you do. Only
unreal things can be dissolved. They can disappear, they can simply
evaporate into nowhere, into nothingness. Your ego can dissolve because it
is unreal. It is just a thought, a notion; it has no substance to it.
Secondly: you cannot even carry this ego continuously for twenty-four
hours. It is so unreal that you have to constantly fuel it, feed it. While
you are asleep, the ego is not there. That's why in the morning you feel so
fresh, because you have been in a deep contact with reality. The reality has
rejuvenated you, revitalized you.
In deep sleep, your ego is not. Your name, your form, all have dissolved.
You don't know who you are -- educated or uneducated, poor or rich, a sinner
or a saint -- you don't know. In deep sleep you have fallen back to the
cosmic whole; the ego is not there. In the morning you feel vitalized,
fresh, young. Energy has come to you from some deep source. You are again
alive. But if in the night there are dreams and dreams and dreams, in the
morning you feel tired because in the dreams the ego persists. In the dreams
the ego persists, it is there, so it is not allowing you to fall into the
original source. You will feel tired in the morning.
In deep sleep, the ego is not. When you are in deep love, the ego is not.
When you are relaxed, silent, the ego is not. When you are absorbed in
something so totally that you have forgotten, the ego is not. Listening to
music, you have forgotten that you are -- the ego is not. And really, the
peace that comes to you is not coming through music; it is coming because
you have forgotten the ego. The music is instrumental.
Looking at a beautiful sunrise or sunset, you forget yourself. Then
suddenly you feel that something has happened to you. You are not there;
something greater than you is there. This presence of the great... Jesus
calls it God -- that word is just symbolic. Mohammed calls it God -- that
word is just symbolic. `God' means greater than you -- a moment when you
feel that something greater than you is happening to you. And you can feel
this only when you are not. While you are there, the greater cannot happen
to you, because you are the barrier.
In any moment, if you are absent, the God is present there. Your absence is
the presence of the divine. Remember it always: your absence is the presence
of the divine; your presence is the absence of the divine. So really the
question is not how to reach God, the question is not how to attain God; the
question is how to be absent.
You need not worry about the divine, you can forget it completely. There is
no need to remember even the word god. It is irrelevant, because the basic
thing is not God, the basic thing is your ego. If it is not there, God
happens to you. And if you try, if you make effort to reach God, to attain
God, or to be liberated, you may miss, because this whole effort may be
ego-centered.
That's the problem for the spiritual seeker. It may be just the ego which
is thinking to attain God. You cannot be satisfied by your worldly
successes. You have achieved; in the outer world you have reached a certain
status, position, prestige. You are powerful, you are rich, knowledgeable,
respected, but your ego is not satisfied. The ego is never satisfied. And
the reason? -- the same. A real hunger can be satisfied. The hunger of the
ego is false; it cannot be satisfied. Whatsoever you do will be futile.
Because the hunger is false, no food can satisfy it. If the hunger is real,
it can be satisfied.
All natural hungers can be satisfied -- it is nothing, not a problem at all
-- but unnatural hungers cannot be satisfied. In the first place they are
not hungers -- how can you satisfy them? And they are unreal; just emptiness
exists there. You go on throwing food, and you are throwing food into an
abyss, a bottomless abyss. You will not reach anywhere. The ego cannot be
satisfied.
I have heard that when Alexander was coming to India someone said to him,
`Have you ever meditated upon the fact that there is only one world, and if
you win it then what will you do?'
And it is reported that upon hearing this Alexander became very sad and he
said, `I have not thought about it, but it makes me very very sad. Really,
there is only one world and I am going to win it. And when I have won it,
what am I going to do then?'
Even this whole world will not quench your thirst, because the thirst is
false, unreal. The hunger is not natural.
The ego can go in search of God. In almost ninety-nine cases out of a
hundred this has been my feeling -- that the ego is in search. And then the
search is bound to be doomed from the very beginning, because the ego cannot
meet the divine, and the ego is making every effort to reach it. Remember
well, your meditation, your prayer, your worship, should not be an ego-trip.
If it is, you are unnecessarily wasting your energy. So be perfectly aware.
And this is only a question of awareness. If you are aware, you can find
out how your ego moves and works. It is not difficult; no particular
training is needed. You can close your eyes and you can see what the search
is. You can ask the question whether you are really seeking the divine, or
whether it is again just an ego-trip -- because it is respectable, because
people think you are religious, because deep down you think, `How can I be
satisfied -- I -- unless I possess God?'
Is God going to be your possession? The Upanishads say that one who says
that he has achieved God, has not achieved, because the very assertion that
`I have achieved God', is an ego-assertion. The Upanishads say that one who
claims that he has known, has not known. The very claim shows that he has
not known, because the claim that `I have known', comes from the ego. And
the ego cannot know. The ego is the only barrier.
Now we will enter the techniques. First:
FEEL:
MY THOUGHT,
I-NESS,
INTERNAL ORGANS
-- ME.
A very simple and a very beautiful technique. Feel: MY THOUGHT, I-NESS,
INTERNAL ORGANS -- ME. The first thing is not to think but to feel. These
are two different dimensions. And we have become so intellect-oriented that
even when we say that we are feeling, really we are not feeling, we are
thinking. Feeling has completely stopped; it has become a dead organ in you.
Even when you say, `I love,' it is not a feeling, it is again a thought.
And what is the difference between feeling and thought? If you feel, you
will feel yourself centered near the heart. If I say, `I love you,' this
very feeling of love will flow from my heart, the center will be near the
heart. If it is just a thought, it will come from my head. When you love
someone, try to feel whether it is coming from the head, or whether it is
coming from the heart.
Whenever you deeply feel, you are headless. In that moment there is no
head; there cannot be. The heart becomes your whole being -- as if the head
has disappeared. In feeling, the center of being is the heart. While you are
thinking, the center of being is the head. But thinking proved very useful
for survival, so we have stopped everything else. All other dimensions of
our being have been stopped and closed. We are just heads, and the body is
just a situation for the head to exist. We go on thinking; even about
feelings we go on thinking. So try to feel. You will have to work on it,
because that capacity, that quality, has remained retarded. You must do
something to re-open that possibility.
You look at a flower and immediately you say it is beautiful. Ponder over
the fact, linger over the fact. Don't give a hurried judgement. Wait -- and
then see whether it is just from the head that you have said it is
beautiful, or whether you have felt it. Is it just a routine thing, because
you know a rose is beautiful, supposed to be beautiful? People say it is
beautiful, and you have also said many times that it is beautiful.
The moment you see the rose, the mind supplies you; the mind says it is
beautiful. Finished. Now there is no contact with the rose. There is no
need; you have said. Now you can move to something else. Without any
communion with the rose... the mind didn't allow you even a glimpse of the
rose. The mind came in between, and the heart couldn't come in touch with
the rose. Only the heart can say whether it is beautiful or not, because
beauty is a feeling, it is not a concept.
You cannot say from the head that it is beautiful. How can you say? Beauty
is not mathematics, it is not measurable. And beauty is not really just in
the rose, because to someone else it may not be beautiful at all; and
someone else may just pass without looking at it; and to someone else it may
even be ugly. The beauty doesn't exist simply in the rose; the beauty exists
in a meeting of the heart with the rose. When the heart meets with the rose,
beauty flowers. When the heart comes in deep contact with anything it is a
great phenomenon.
If you come in deep contact with any person, the person becomes beautiful.
The deeper the contact, the more beauty is revealed. But beauty is a
phenomenon that happens to the heart, not to the mind. It is not a
calculation, and there is no criterion by which to judge it. It is a
feeling.
So if I say, `This rose is not beautiful,' you cannot argue about it. There
is no need to argue. You will say, `That is your feeling. And the rose is
beautiful -- this is my feeling.' There is no question of argument. Heads
can argue. Hearts cannot argue. It is finished, it is a full stop. If I say,
`This is my feeling,' then there is no question of argument.
With the head, argument can continue and we can come to a conclusion. With
the heart, the conclusion has already happened. With the heart, there is no
procedure towards the conclusion; the conclusion is immediate,
instantaneous. With the head, it is a process -- you argue, you discuss, you
analyze, and then you come to a conclusion about whether this is so or not.
With the heart, it is an immediate phenomenon -- the conclusion comes first.
Look at it: with the head, conclusion comes in the end. With the heart,
conclusion comes first, and then you can proceed to find the process -- but
that is the work of the head.
So when such techniques have to be practised, the first difficulty will be
that you don't know what feeling is. Try to develop it. When you touch
something, close your eyes; don't think, feel. For example, if I take your
hand in my hand and I say to you, `Close your eyes and feel what is
happening,' immediately you will say, `Your hand is in my hand.' But this is
not a feeling, this is a thinking.
Then I again say to you, `Feel. Don't think.' Then you say, `You are
expressing your love.' That too is again thinking. If I insist again, `Just
feel, don't use your head. What are you feeling right now?' only then will
you be able to feel and say, `The warmth.' Because love is a conclusion.
`Your hand is in my hand' -- this is a head-oriented thought.
The actual feeling is that a certain warmth is flowing from my hand to your
hand, or from your hand to my hand. Our life energies are meeting and the
point of meeting has become hot, it has become warm. This is the feeling,
the sensation, the real. But we go on with the head continuously. That has
become a habit; we are trained for it. So you will have to re-open your
heart.
Try to live with feelings. Sometimes in the day when you are not doing any
particular business -- because in business, in the beginning it will be
difficult to live with feeling. There, head has proved very efficient, and
you cannot depend on feeling. While you are at home playing with your
children, the head is not needed, it is not a business -- but there too you
are with the head. Playing with your children or just sitting with your
wife, or not doing anything, relaxing in a chair, feel. Feel the texture of
the chair.
Your hand is touching the chair: how are you feeling it? The air is
blowing, the breeze is coming in. It touches you. How do you feel? Smells
are coming from the kitchen. How do you feel? Just feel. Don't think about
them. Don't start brooding that this smell shows that something is being
prepared in the kitchen -- then you will start dreaming about it. No, just
feel whatsoever is the fact. Remain with the fact; don't move in thinking.
You are surrounded from everywhere. Everywhere so much is converging on you.
The whole existence is coming to meet you from everywhere, from all your
senses it is entering you, but you are in the head, and your senses have
become dead; they don't feel.
A certain growth will be needed before you can do this, because this is an
inner experiment. If you cannot feel the outer, it will be very difficult
for you to feel the inner, because the inner is the subtle. If you cannot
feel the gross, you cannot feel the subtle. If you cannot hear the sounds,
then it will be difficult for you to hear the inner soundlessness -- it will
be very difficult. It is so subtle.
You are just sitting in the garden, the traffic is passing by and there are
many noises and many sounds. You just close your eyes and try to find the
most subtle sound there around you. A crow is cawing: just concentrate
yourself on that crow's noise. The whole traffic noise is going on. The
sound is such, it is so subtle, that you cannot be aware of it unless you
focus your awareness towards it. But if you focus your awareness, the whole
traffic noise will go far away and the noise of the crow will become the
center. And you will hear it, all the nuances of it -- very subtle, but you
will be able to hear it.
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Grow in sensitivity. When you touch, when you hear, when you eat, when you
take a bath, allow your senses to be open. And don't think -- feel.
You are standing under the shower: feel the coolness of the water falling
on you. Don't think about it. Don't immediately say, `It is very cool. It is
cold. It is good.' Don't say anything. Don't verbalize, because the moment
you verbalize, you miss feeling. The moment words come in, the mind has
started to function. Don't verbalize. Feel the coolness and don't say that
it is cool. There is no need to say anything. But our minds are just mad; we
go on saying something or other.
I remember, I was working in a university, and there was a lady professor
who would always be saying something or other. It was impossible for her to
be silent in any situation. One day I was standing on the verandah of the
college and the sun was setting. It was tremendously beautiful. And she was
just standing by my side, so I told her, `Look!' She was saying something or
other, so I said, `Look! Such a beautiful sunset.' So, very reluctantly she
conceded. She said, `Yes, but don't you think there should be a little more
purple just on the left?' It was not a painting; it was a real sunset!
We go on saying things, not even aware of what we are saying. Stop
verbalizing; only then can you deepen your feelings. If feelings are
deepened, then this technique can work miracles for you.
FEEL:
MY THOUGHT,
Close your eyes and feel the thought. A continuous flow of thoughts is
there, a continuum, a flux; a river of thoughts is flowing. Feel these
thoughts, feel their presence. And the more you feel, the more will be
revealed to you -- layers upon layers. Not only thoughts that are just on
the surface; behind them there are more thoughts, and behind them there are
still more thoughts -- layers upon layers.
And the technique says:FEEL: MY THOUGHT. And we go on saying, `These are my
thoughts.' But feel -- are they really yours? Can you say `my'? The more you
feel, the less will it be possible for you to say that they are yours. They
are all borrowed, they are all from the outside. They have come to you but
they are not yours. No thought is yours -- just dust gathered. Even if you
cannot recognize the source from where this thought has come to you, no
thought is yours. If you try hard, you can find from where this thought has
come to you.
Only the inner silence is yours. No one has given it to you. You were born
with it, and you will die with it. Thoughts have been given to you; you have
been conditioned to them. If you are a Hindu, you have a different type, a
different set of thoughts; if you are a Mohammedan, of course, a different
set of thoughts; if you are a communist, again a different set of thoughts.
They have been given to you, or you may have taken them voluntarily, but no
thought is yours.
If you feel the presence of thoughts, the crowd, you can feel this also --
that they are not yours. The crowd has come to you, it has gathered around
you, but it doesn't belong to you. And if this can be felt -- that no
thought is mine -- only then you can throw the mind. If they are yours, you
will defend them. And the very feeling that `this thought is mine' is the
attachment. Then I give it roots in myself. Then I become the soil and the
thought can remain rooted in me. If anything that I can see is not mine is
uprooted, then I am not attached to it. The feeling of `mine' creates
attachment.
You can fight for your thoughts, you can even become a martyr for your
thoughts. Or, you can become a killer, a murderer for your thoughts. And
thoughts are not yours. Consciousness is yours, but thoughts are not yours.
And why will this help? -- because if you can see that thoughts are not
yours, then nothing is yours because thought is the root of all. The house
is mine and the property is mine and the family is mine -- these are the
outer things. Deep down the thoughts are mine. Only if thoughts are mine can
all these things, the superstructure, be mine.
If thoughts are not mine then nothing matters, because this too is a
thought -- that you are my wife, or you are my husband. This too is a
thought. And if basically thought itself is not mine, then how can the
husband be mine? Or how can the wife be mine? Thoughts uprooted, the whole
world is uprooted. Then you can live in the world and not live in it.
You can move to the Himalayas, you can leave the world, but if you think
that your thoughts are yours, you have not moved a single inch. Sitting
there in the Himalayas, you will be as much in the world as here because
thoughts are the world. You carry your thoughts to the Himalayas. You leave
the house -- but the real house is inner, and the real house is built by the
bricks of thought. It is not the outer house.
So this is strange, but this happens every day: I see a person who has left
the world but still he remains a Hindu. He becomes a sannyasin and still he
remains a Hindu or remains a Jain. What does it mean? He renounces the world
but he doesn't renounce the thoughts. He is still a Jain, he is still a
Hindu -- the thought-world is carried still. And that thought-world is the
real world.
If you can see that no thought is yours.... And you will see, because you
will be the seer and thoughts will become the objects. When you silently
look at the thoughts, thoughts will be the objects and you will be the
looker. You will be the seer, the witness, and thoughts will be flowing
before you.
And if you look deeply and feel deeply, you will see that there are no
roots. Thoughts are floating like clouds in the sky; they have no roots in
you. They come and go. You are just a victim, and you unnecessarily become
identified with them. About every cloud that passes by your house you say,
`This is my cloud.' Thoughts are like clouds: in the sky of your
consciousness they go on passing and you go on clinging to each one. You
say, `This is mine' -- and this is only a vagrant cloud that is passing. And
it will pass.
Go back in your childhood. You had certain thoughts, and you used to cling
to them and you used to say that they were your thoughts. Then the childhood
disappeared, and with that childhood those clouds disappeared. Now you don't
even remember. Then you were young: then other clouds which are attracted
when you are young came to you and then your started clinging to them.
Now you are old: those thoughts are no more there, you don't even remember
them. And they were so significant that you could have died for them, and
now you don't even remember. Now you can laugh at the whole nonsense that
you once thought that you could die for them, you could become a martyr for
them. Now you are not ready to even give a single penny for them. They don't
belong to you now. Now those clouds have gone but other clouds have come,
and you are clinging to them.
Clouds go on changing but your clinging never changes. That's the problem.
And it is not that only when you are no longer a child they will change;
every moment they are changing. A minute ago you were filled with certain
clouds; now you are filled with other clouds. When you came here, certain
clouds were hovering on you; when you leave this room, other clouds will be
hovering on you -- and you go on clinging to every cloud. If in the end you
find nothing in your hand, it is natural because nothing can come of clouds
-- and thoughts are just clouds.
This sutra says: FEEL. Be established in feeling first. Then MY THOUGHT.
Look at that thought which you have always been calling MY -- MY THOUGHT.
Established in feeling, looking at thought, the MY disappears. And MY is the
trick because out of many MY'S, out of many ME'S, the I evolves -- this is
MINE, this is MY. So many MINE'S; out of them the I evolves.
This technique starts from the very root. Thought is the root of all. If
you can cut the feeling of MY at the very root, it will not appear again, it
will not be seen anywhere again. But if you don't cut it down there, you can
go on cutting everywhere and it is useless; it will go on appearing again
and again.
I can cut it. I can say, `My wife? No, we are strangers, and marriage is
just a social formality.' I cut myself away. I say, `No one is my wife' --
but this is very superficial. Then I say, `MY religion,' Then I say, `MY
sect.' Then I say, `This is MY religious book. This is the Bible. This is
the Koran. This is MY book.' Then the MY continues in some other field and
you remain the same.
MY THOUGHT, and then I-NESS. First look at the traffic of thought, the
process of thought, the river-like flow of thought, and find out whether any
thought belongs to you or whether they are just passing clouds. And when you
have come to feel that no thought is yours, to attach MY to any thought is
an illusion, then the second thing; then you can move deeper. Then be aware
of I-ness. Where is this I?
Raman used to give a technique to his disciples: they were just to enquire,
`Who am I?' In Tibet they use a similar technique, but still better than
Raman's. They don't ask, `Who am I?' They ask, `Where am I?' -- because the
WHO can create a problem. When you enquire, `Who am I?' you take it for
granted that you are; the only question is to know who you are. You have
presupposed that you are. That is not contested. It is taken for granted
that you are. Now the only question is WHO you are. Only the identity is to
be known, the face is to be recognized, but it is there -- unrecognized it
is there.
The Tibetan method is still deeper. They say to be silent and then search
within for where you are. Go on in the inner space, move to every point and
ask, `Where am I?' You will not find it anywhere. And the more you seek, the
more it will not be there. And asking `Who am I?' or `Where am I?' a moment
comes when you come to a point where you are, but no I -- a simple existence
has happened to you. But it will happen only when thoughts are not yours.
That is a deeper realm -- I-NESS.
We never feel it. We go on saying I. The word I is used continuously -- the
most used word is I -- but you have no feeling. What do you mean by I? When
you say I, what do you mean? What is connoted through this word? What is
expressed? I can make a gesture. Then I can say, `I mean this.' I can show
my body -- `I mean this.' But then it can be asked, `Do you mean your hand?
Do you mean your leg? Do you mean your stomach?' Then I will have to deny, I
will have to say no. Then the whole body will be denied. Then what do you
mean when you say I? Do you mean your head? Deep down, whenever you say I,
it is a very vague feeling, and the vague feeling is of your thoughts.
Established in feeling, cut from thoughts, face I-ness, and as you face it,
you find that it exists not. It was only a useful word, a linguistic symbol
-- necessary, but not real. Even a Buddha has to use it, even after his
enlightenment. It is just a linguistic device. But when a Buddha says I, he
never means I, because there is no one.
When you face this I-NESS it will disappear. Fear can grip you at this
moment, you can be scared. And it happens to many who move in such
techniques deeply that they become so afraid that they run out of it. So
remember this: when you feel and face your I-NESS you will be in the same
situation as you will be when you die -- the same. Because I is
disappearing, and you feel death is occurring to you. You will have a
sinking sensation, you will feel you are sinking down and down. And if you
get afraid, you will come out again and you will cling to thoughts because
those thoughts will be helpful. Those clouds will be there: you can cling to
them, and then the fear will leave you.
Remember, this fear is very good, a very hopeful sign. It shows that now
you are going deep -- and death is the deepest point. If you can go into
death you will become deathless, because one who goes into death cannot die.
Then death is also just around; never in the center, just on the periphery.
When I-NESS disappears you are just like death. The old is no more and the
new has come into being.
This consciousness which will come out is absolutely new, uncontaminated,
young, virgin. The old is no more -- and the old has not even touched it.
That I-NESS disappears, and you are in your pristine virginity, in your
absolute freshness. The deepest layer of being has been touched.
So think of it in this way: thoughts, then below them I-NESS, and thirdly:
FEEL:
MY THOUGHT,
I-NESS,
INTERNAL ORGANS
-- ME.
When thoughts have disappeared or you are not clinging to them -- if they
are passing it is none of your business, you are aloof and detached and
unidentified, and the I-NESS has disappeared -- then you can look at the
internal organs. These internal organs.... This is one of the deepest
things. We know the outer organs. With hands I touch you, with eyes I see
you -- these are the outer organs.
The internal organs are those through which I feel my own being. The outer
are for others. I know about you through the outer. How do I know about me?
Even that I am -- how do I know about it? Who gives me the sensation of my
own being? There are internal organs. When thoughts have stopped and when
I-NESS is no more, only then, in that purity, in that clarity, can you see
the internal organs.
Consciousness, intelligence -- they are internal organs. Through them I am
aware of my own being, of my own existence. That's why if you close your
eyes, you can forget your body completely, but your own feeling that you
are, remains. And it is conceivable that when a person dies.... It is a
fact. When a person dies, for us he is dead, but it takes a little time for
him to recognize the fact that he is dead because the internal feeling of
being, remains the same.
In Tibet they have special exercises for dying and they say one must be
ready to die. One of the exercises is this: whenever someone is dying, the
master or the priest or someone who knows the bardo exercises will go on
saying to him, `Remember, be alert, you are leaving the body.' Because even
when you have left the body it will take time to recognize that you are dead
because the internal feeling remains the same; there is no change.
The body is only to touch and feel others. Through it you have never
touched yourself, through it you have never known yourself. You know
yourself through some other organs which are internal. But this is the
misery -- that we are not aware of those internal organs and our image in
our own eyes is created by others. Whatsoever others say about me is my
knowledge about myself. If they say I am beautiful or if they say I am ugly,
I believe in it. Whatsoever my senses say to me through others, reflected
through others, is my belief of myself.
If you can recognize the internal organs you are freed from society
completely. That is what is meant when it is said in old scriptures that a
sannyasin is not part of the society, because now he knows himself through
his own internal organs. Now his knowledge about himself is not based upon
others, it is not a reflected thing. Now he doesn't need any mirror to know
himself. He has found the inner mirror, and he knows through the inner
mirror. And the inner reality can be known only when you have come to the
inner organs.
INTERNAL ORGANS. You can then look through those internal organs. And then
-- the ME. It is difficult to express it in words, that's why ME is used.
Any word will be wrong -- ME is also wrong -- but the I has disappeared. So
remember, this ME doesn't have anything to do with I. When thoughts are
uprooted, when I-NESS has disappeared, when internal organs are known, the
ME appears. Then for the first time my real being is revealed -- that real
being is called ME.
The outer world is no more, thoughts are no more, the feeling of ego is no
more, and I have come to recognize my own internal organs of knowing,
consciousness, intelligence -- or whatsoever you call it -- awareness,
alertness. Then, in the light of this internal organ, ME is revealed.
This ME doesn't belong to you. This ME is your innermost center, unknown to
you. This ME is not an ego. This ME is not against any YOU. This ME is
cosmic. This Me has no boundaries. In this ME everything is implied. This ME
is not the wave. This ME is the ocean.
FEEL: MY THOUGHT, I-NESS, INTERNAL ORGANS. Then there is a gap, and
suddenly the ME is revealed. When this ME is revealed, then one comes to
know, `Aham Brahmasmi. I am the God.' This knowing is not any claim of the
ego; the ego is no more there. You can mutate yourself through this
technique, but first get established in feeling.
The second technique:
BEFORE DESIRE AND BEFORE KNOWING,
HOW CAN I SAY I AM?
CONSIDER.
DISSOLVE IN THE BEAUTY.
BEFORE DESIRE AND BEFORE KNOWING, HOW CAN I SAY I AM?
A desire arises: with the desire, the feeling that I AM arises. A thought
arises: with the thought, the feeling that I AM arises. Look for it in your
own experience. Before desire and before knowing, there is no ego.
Sit silently. Look within. A thought arises: you get identified with the
thought. A desire arises: you get identified with the desire. In the
identification you become the ego. Then think: there is no desire and there
is no knowledge and no thought -- you cannot get identified with anything.
The ego cannot arise.
Buddha used this technique and he said to his disciples not do anything
else but just one thing: when a thought arises, not it down. Buddha used to
say that when a thought arises, note down that a thought is arising. Just
inside, note it: now a thought is arising, now a thought has arises, now a
thought is disappearing. Just remember that now the thought is arising, now
the thought has arisen, now the thought is disappearing, so that you don't
get identified with it.
It is very beautiful and very simple. A desire arises. You are walking on
the road; a beautiful car passes by. You look at it -- and you have not even
looked and the desire to possess it arises. Do it. In the beginning just
verbalize; just say slowly, `I have seen a car. It is beautiful. Now a
desire has arisen to possess it.' Just verbalize.
In the beginning it is good; if you can say it loudly, it is very good. Say
loudly, `I am just noting that a car has passed, the mind has said it is
beautiful, and now desire has arisen and I must possess this car.' Verbalize
everything, speak loudly to yourself and immediately you will feel that you
are different from it. Note it.
When you have become efficient in noting, there is no need to say it
loudly. Just inside, note that a desire has arisen. A beautiful woman
passes; the desire has come in. Just note it -- as if you are not concerned,
you are just noting the fact that is happening -- and then suddenly you will
be out of it.
Buddha says, `Note down whatsoever happens. Just go on noting, and when it
disappears, again note that now that desire has disappeared, and you will
feel a distance from the desire, from the thought.'
This technique says:
BEFORE DESIRE AND BEFORE KNOWING,
HOW CAN I SAY I AM?
And if there is no desire and if there is no thought, how can you say I AM?
How can I say I AM? Then everything is silent, not a ripple is there. And
without any ripple how can I create this illusion of I? If some ripple is
there I can get attached to it and through it I can feel I AM. When there is
no ripple in the consciousness, there is no I.
So before desire, remember; when the desire comes in, remember; when the
desire goes out, go on remembering. When a thought arises, remember. Look at
it. Just note that a thought has arisen. Sooner or later it will go because
everything is momentary, and there will be a gap. Between two thoughts there
is a gap, between two desires there is a gap, and in the gap there is no I.
Note a thought in the mind and then you will feel that there is an
interval. Howsoever small, there is an interval. Then another thought comes;
then again there is an interval. In those intervals there is no I -- and
those intervals are your real being. Thoughts are moving in the sky. In
those intervals you can look between two clouds, and the sky is revealed.
CONSIDER.
DISSOLVE IN THE BEAUTY.
And if you can consider that a desire has arisen and a desire has gone and
you have remained in the gap and the desire has not disturbed you.... It
came, it went. It was there, and it is now not there, and you have remained
unperturbed, you have remained as you were before it. There has been no
change in you. It came and it passed like a shadow. It has not touched you;
you remain unscarred.
Consider this movement of desire and movement of thought but no movement in
you. CONSIDER AND DISSOLVE IN THE BEAUTY. And that interval is beautiful.
Dissolve in that interval. Fall in the gap and be the gap. It is the deepest
experience of beauty. And not only of beauty, but of good and of truth also.
In the gap you are.
The whole emphasis has to go from the filled spaces to the unfilled spaces.
You are reading a book. There are words, there are sentences, but between
the words there are gaps, between the sentences there are gaps. In those
gaps you are. The whiteness of the paper you are, and the black dots are
just clouds of thought and desire moving on you. Change the emphasis, change
the gestalt. Don't look at the black dots. Look at the white.
In your inner being, look at the gaps. Be indifferent to the filled spaces,
the occupied spaces. Be interested in the gaps, the intervals. Through those
intervals you can dissolve into the ultimate beauty.
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