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VIGYAN BHAIRAV TANTRA VOL2
Forget the periphery
VIGYAN BHAIRAV TANTRA VOL2
Forget the periphery
IN ANY
POSITION GRADUALLY PERVADE AN AREA BETWEEN THE ARMPITS INTO GREAT PEACE.
FEEL YOURSELF AS PERVADING ALL DIRECTIONS, FAR, NEAR.
Life without is a cyclone -- a constant conflict, turmoil, struggle. But it
is only so on the surface -- just as on the surface of the ocean are waves,
maddening noise, constant struggle. But this is not all of life. Deep down
there is also a center -- soundless, silent, no conflict, no struggle. In
the center, life is a noiseless flow, relaxed, a river moving with no
struggle, with no fight, no violence Towards that inner center is the search.
You can get identified with the surface, with the outer. Then anxiety and
anguish follows. This is what has happened to everyone: we are identified
with the surface and with the struggle that goes on there.
The surface is bound to be disturbed, nothing is wrong in it. And if you
can be rooted in the center, the disturbance on the surface will become
beautiful it will have a beauty of its own. If you can be silent within,
then all the sounds without become musical. Then nothing is wrong; it
becomes a play. But if you don't know the inner core, the silent center, if
you are totally identified with the surface, you will go mad. And everyone
is almost mad.
All religious techniques, techniques of yoga, meditation, Zen, are
basically to help you to be again in contact with the center; to move within;
to forget the periphery; to leave the periphery for a time being and to
relax into your own being so deeply that the outer disappears completely and
only the inner remains. Once you know how to move backwards, how to step
down into yourself, it is not difficult. It becomes as easy as anything. But
if you don't know, if you know only the mind clinging to the surface, it is
very difficult. Relaxing into one's self is not difficult: non-clinging to
the surface is.
I have heard a Sufi story. Once it happened that a Sufi fakir was traveling.
It was a dark night and he lost his way. It was so dark he couldn't even see
where he was moving -- then suddenly he fell into an abyss. He was terrified.
He didn't know what was down there in the darkness or how deep the abyss was.
So he caught hold of a branch and started praying. The night was cold. He
cried but there was no one to listen, only his own voice echoed back. And
the night was so cold that his hands were becoming frozen and he knew that
sooner or later he would have to leave the branch -- it was going to be
difficult to keep on holding it. His hands were getting so frozen that they
were already slipping from the branch. Death was absolutely near. Any moment
he would fall and die. And then the last moment came. You can understand how
terrified he was. Dying moment by moment, then the last moment came and he
saw the branch slipping out of his hand. And his hands were so frozen that
there was no way to hold on, so he had to fall.
But the moment he fell he started dancing -- there was no abyss, he was on
clear ground. And he had suffered all night....
This is the situation. You go on clinging to the surface, afraid that if
you leave the surface you will be lost. Really, clinging to the surface you
are lost. But deep down there is darkness and you cannot see any ground; you
cannot see anything else than the surface. All these techniques are to make
you courageous, strong, adventurous, so that you can stop the holding on and
fall within yourself. That which looks like an abyss, dark, bottomless, is
the very ground of your being. Once you leave the surface, the periphery,
you will be centered.
This centering is the aim. Once you are centered you can move to the
periphery but you will be totally different. The quality of your
consciousness will have changed altogether. Then you can move to the
periphery but you will never be the periphery again -- you will remain at
the center. And remaining centered at the periphery is beautiful. Then you
can enjoy it; it will become a beautiful play. Then there is no conflict; it
is a game. Then it will not create tensions within you and there will be no
anguish and no anxiety around you. And any moment that it becomes too much,
too heavy on you, you can go back to the original source -- you can have a
dip. Then you will be refreshed, rejuvenated, and you can move to the
periphery again. Once you know the way.... And the way is not long. You are
not going anywhere else than into your own self, so it is not long. It is
just near. The only barrier is your holding on, holding to the periphery,
afraid that if you leave it you will be lost. The fear feels just as if you
are going to die. Moving to the inner center is a death -- death in the
sense that your identity with the periphery will die, and a new image, a new
feeling of your being will arise.
So if we want to say in a few words what Tantra techniques are, we can say
that they are a deep relaxation into oneself, a total relaxation into
oneself.
You are always tense, that is the holding, the clinging. You are never
relaxed, never in a state of let-go. You are always doing something: that
doing is the problem. You are never in a state of non-doing, when things are
happening and you are just there not doing anything. Breath comes in and
goes out, the blood circulates, the body is alive and throbbing, the breeze
blows, the world goes on spinning around -- and you are not doing anything.
You are not a doer. You are simply relaxed and things are happening. When
things are happening and you are not a doer, you are totally relaxed. When
you are a doer and things are not happening but are being manipulated by you,
you are tense.
You relax partially while you are asleep, but it is not total. Even in your
sleep you go on manipulating, even in your sleep you don't allow everything
to happen. Watch a man sleeping: you will see that he is very tense, his
whole body will be tense. Watch a small child sleeping, he is very relaxed.
Or watch an animal, a cat -- a cat is always relaxed. You are not relaxed
even while asleep; you are tense, struggling, moving, fighting with
something. On your face there are tensions. In dreams you may be fighting,
protecting -- doing the same things as when you were awake, repeating them
in an inner drama. You are not relaxed; you are not in a deep let-go. That's
why sleep is becoming more and more difficult. And psychologists say that if
the same trend goes on, soon the day will come when no one will be able to
sleep naturally. Sleep will have to be chemically produced because no one
will be able to fall naturally into sleep. The day is not very far. You are
already on the way towards it because even while asleep you are only
partially asleep, partially relaxed.
Meditation is the deepest sleep. It is total relaxation plus something
more; you are totally relaxed and yet alert. Awareness is there. Total sleep
with awareness is meditation. Fully alert, things are happening but you are
not resisting, not fighting, not doing. The doer is not there. The doer has
gone into sleep. Only a witness is there a `non-doer alertness' is there.
Then nothing can disturb you.
If you know how to relax then nothing can disturb you. If you don't know
how to relax then everything will disturb you. I say everything. It is not
really something else that disturbs you, everything else is just an excuse.
You are almost always ready to be disturbed. If one thing doesn't disturb
you, then something else will; you will get disturbed. You are ready, you
have a tendency to get disturbed. If all the causes are withdrawn from you
even then you will get disturbed. You will find some cause, you will create
some cause. If nothing comes from without, you will create something from
within -- some thought, some idea -- and you will get disturbed. You need
excuses. Once you know how to relax nothing can disturb you. Not that the
world will change, not that things will be different. The world will be the
same. But you don't have the tendency, you don't have the madness; you are
not constantly ready to be disturbed. Then all that happens around you is
soothing -- even the traffic noise becomes soothing if you are relaxed. Even
the market-place becomes soothing. It depends on you. It is an inner quality.
The more you go towards the center the more the quality arises and the more
you move towards the periphery the more you will be disturbed. If you are
too disturbed or if you are prone to be disturbed that shows only one thing:
that you are existing near the periphery -- nothing else. It is an
indication that you have made your abode near the surface. And this is a
false abode because your real home is at the center, the very center of your
being.
Now we will enter the techniques.
IN ANY EASY POSITION GRADUALLY PERVADE AN AREA BETWEEN THE ARMPITS INTO
GREAT PEACE.
This is a very simple method but it works miraculously -- try it. And
anyone can try it, there is no danger. The first thing is to be in an easy
relaxed position -- relaxed in a position that is easy for you. Don't try a
particular position or ASANA. Buddha sits in a particular posture. It is
easy for him. It also can become easy for you if you practise it for a time
being, but in the very beginning it will not be easy for you. And there is
no need to practise it: start from any posture that comes easy to you right
now. Don't struggle with the posture. You can sit in an easy chair and
relax. The only thing is your body must be in a relaxed state.
So just close your eyes and feel all over the body. Start from the legs --
feel whether there is some tension or not. If you feel there is some tension,
do one thing: make it more tense. If you feel there is some tension in the
right leg, then make that tension as intense as possible. Bring it to a peak
-- then suddenly relax so that you can feel how the relaxation settles there.
Then go all over the body just looking everywhere for some tension. Wherever
you feel the tension make it more so, because it is easy to relax when it is
intense. In just a mid-state it is very difficult because you cannot feel it.
It is easy to move from one extreme to another, very easy, because the very
extreme creates the situation to move to the other. So if you feel some
tensions in the face then strain all the face muscles as much as possible,
create tension and bring it to a peak. Bring it to a point where you feel
that no more is possible -- then suddenly relax. In this way see that all
parts of the body, all the limbs are relaxed.
And be particular about the face muscles, because they carry ninety per
cent of the tensions -- the rest of the body carries only ten per cent. All
your tensions are in the mind so the face becomes the storage. So strain
your face as much as possible, don't be shy about it. Make it intensely
anguished, anxious -- and then suddenly relax. Do it for five minutes so
that you can feel that every limb in the whole body is relaxed. This is an
easy posture for you.
You can do it sitting, or lying in bed or howsoever you feel is easy for
you. IN ANY EASY POSITION GRADUALLY PERVADE AN AREA BETWEEN THE ARMPITS INTO
GREAT PEACE.
The second thing: when you feel that the body has got to an easy posture,
don't make much fuss about it. Just feel that the body is relaxed, then
forget the body. Because really, remembering the body is a sort of tension.
That's why I say don't make much fuss about it. Relax it and forget it.
Forgetting is relaxation. Whenever you remember too much, that very
remembering brings a tension to the body.
You may not have observed this, but there is a very easy experiment to try.
Put your hand on your pulse and count it. Then close your eyes, bring your
attention to your pulse for five minutes, and then count. The pulse will now
be beating faster because the attention for five minutes gives tension to it.
So really, whenever a doctor counts your pulse it is never the real count --
it is always more than it was before the doctor started counting it.
Whenever the doctor has taken your hand in his hand you have become alert.
And if the doctor is a lady doctor you will be more alert, and it will go
faster. So whenever a lady doctor counts your pulse reduce it by ten. Then
that will be exactly your pulse count -- otherwise there will be ten more
counts per minute.
Whenever you bring your consciousness to any part of the body, that part
becomes tense. You become tense when someone observes you; the whole body
becomes tense. When you are alone you are different. When someone enters the
room you are not the same. The whole body is going at a faster rate. You
have become tense. So don't make much fuss about relaxation or you will be
obsessed with it. For five minutes simply relax easily and forget. Your
forgetting will be helpful and it will bring a deeper relaxation to the body.
.... GRADUALLY PERVADE AN AREA BETWEEN THE ARMPITS INTO GREAT PEACE. Close
your eyes and just feel the area between the two armpits: the heart area,
your chest. First feel it just between the two armpits with your total
attention, total awareness. Forget the whole body, remember just the heart
area between the two armpits, the chest, and feel it filled with great peace.
The moment the body is relaxed, peace automatically happens in your heart.
The heart becomes silent, relaxed, harmonious. And when you forget the whole
body and bring your attention just to the chest and consciously feel it
filled with peace, much peace will happen immediately.
There are areas in the body, particular centers, where particular feelings
can be created consciously. Between the two armpits is the heart center, and
the heart center is the source of all the peace that happens to you,
whenever it happens. Whenever you are peaceful, the peace is coming from the
heart. The heart radiates peace. That is why people all over the world,
every race, without any distinction of cat, religion, country, cultured or
uncultured, have felt this: that love arises from somewhere near the heart.
No scientific explanation exists. Whenever you think of love you think of
the heart. Really, whenever you are in love you are relaxed, and because you
are relaxed you are filled with a certain peace. That peace arises from the
heart. So peace and love have become joined, associated. Whenever you are in
love you are peaceful; whenever you are not in love you are disturbed.
Because of peace the heart has become associated with love.
So you can do two things. You can search for love, then sometimes you will
feel peace. But this path is dangerous, because the other person whom you
love has become more important than you. And the other is the other, and you
are becoming in a way dependent. So love will give you peace sometimes but
not always. There will be many disturbances, many moments of anguish and
anxiety, because the other has entered. Whenever another enters there is
bound to be some disturbance, because you can meet with the other only on
your surface. The surface will be disturbed. Only sometimes when the two of
you will be so deeply in love with no conflict, only then will you sometimes
be relaxed and the heart will glow with peace.
So love can only give you glimpses of peace but nothing really established,
rooted. No eternal peace is possible through it, only glimpses. And between
two glimpses there will be deep valleys of conflict, violence, hatred and
anger.
The other way is to find peace not through love, but directly. If you can
find peace directly -- and this is the method for it -- your life will
become filled with love. But now the quality of love will be different. It
will not be possessive; it will not be centered around one. It will not be
dependent and it will not make any one dependent on you. Your love will
become just a lovingness, a compassion, a deep empathy. And now no one, not
even a lover, can disturb you, because your peace is already rooted and your
love comes as a shadow of your inner peace. The whole thing has become
reversed. So Buddha is also loving but his love is not an anguish. If you
love you will suffer, if you don't love you will suffer. If you don't love
you will suffer the absence of love; if you love you will suffer the
presence of love. Because you are on the surface and whatsoever you do can
only give you momentary satisfaction -- then again the dark valley.
First be established in peace on your own, then you are independent, then
love is not your need. Then you will never feel imprisoned when you are in
love; you will never feel that love has become a sort of dependence, a
slavery, a bondage. Then love will be just a giving: you have too much peace
so you want to share it. Then it will be just a giving with no idea of
return; it will be unconditional. And it is one of the secrets that the more
you give, the more it happens to you. The more you give and share, the more
it becomes your own. The deeper you enter into the treasury, which is
infinite, the more you can go on giving to everybody. It is inexhaustible.
But love must happen to you as a shadow of inner peace. Ordinarily the
reverse is the phenomenon: peace happens to you just as a shadow of love.
Love must happen to you as a shadow of peace, then love is beautiful.
Otherwise love also creates ugliness, it becomes a disease, a fever.
.... PERVADE AN AREA BETWEEN THE ARMPITS INTO GREAT PEACE.
Become aware of the area between the armpits and feel that it is filled
with great peace. Just feel peace there and you will feel it is filled. It
is always filled but you have never been alert about it. This is only to
increase your alertness, to bring you nearer home. And when you feel this
peace you are farther away from the surface. Not that things will not be
happening there -- but when you try this experiment and when you are filled
with peace you will feel a distance; the noise is coming from the street but
there is a great distance now, a great space. It happens, but it brings no
disturbance; rather, it brings you a deeper silence. This is the miracle.
The children will be playing, someone will be listening to the radio,
someone will be quarrelling and the whole world will be going around, but
you feel that a great distance has come between you and everything. That
distance comes because you have retreated from the periphery. Things are
happening on the periphery and they will appear to you as if they are
happening to someone else. You are not involved. Nothing disturbs you so you
are not involved -- you have transcended. This is the transcendence.
And the heart is naturally the source of peace. You are not creating
anything. You are simply coming to a source which is always there. This
imagining will help you become aware that the heart is filled with peace --
it is not that the imagining will create the peace. This is the difference
between the Tantra attitude and Western hypnosis. Hypnotists think that you
are creating it by imagination but Tantra thinks that you are not creating
it by imagination, you are simply becoming attuned to something that is
already there. Because whatsoever you can create by imagination cannot be
permanent: if it is not a reality then it is false, unreal, and you are
creating a hallucination. So it is better to be disturbed and real than to
be in a hallucination of peace, because that is not a growth, you are simply
intoxicated by it. Sooner or later you will have to come out because sooner
or later the reality will shatter the illusion. Reality has to shatter all
illusions; only a greater reality cannot be shattered.
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A greater reality will shatter the reality which is on the periphery, hence
Shankara and others say that the world is illusion. Not that the world is
illusion, but they have come to know a higher reality and from that altitude
this world looks dreamy. It is so far away, the distance is so infinite that
it cannot be felt as real. The noise on the street will be as if you are
dreaming about it -- it is not real. It cannot do anything. It just happens
and passes and you remain untouched. And when you are untouched by reality
how can you feel that it is real? The reality is felt only when it
penetrates you deeply. The deeper the penetration, the more you feel it as
real.
Shankara says the whole world is unreal. He must have come to a point from
where the distance is so vast, so tremendously vast, that all that happens
there becomes just like a dream. It comes but no reality comes with it
because it cannot penetrate. Penetration is the proportion of reality. If I
throw a stone at you it hits you. The hit penetrates you and that
penetration makes the stone real. If I throw a stone and it touches you but
doesn't penetrate you, deep down you will hear the thud of the falling stone
on you, but there will be no disturbance. You will feel it as false, unreal,
MAYA, illusory. But you are so near the periphery that if I throw a stone at
you, you will be hurt. Not the body -- the body will be hurt in either case.
If I throw a stone at a Buddha the body will be hurt as your body will be
hurt, but Buddha is not on the periphery, he is rooted in the center. And
the distance is so great that he will hear the thud of the stone without
being hurt. The being will remain untouched, unscarred. This unscarred being
will feel the stone as if it is something thrown in a dream. It is illusory.
So Buddha says that nothing has substance to it, everything is
`substanceless', without any substance. The world is empty of substance --
which is the same thing as Shankara saying that the world is illusory.
Try this. Whenever you are able to feel the peace between your two armpits
filling you, pervading your heart center, the world will look illusory. This
is a sign that you have entered meditation -- when the world feels and
appears to be illusory. Don't think that the world is illusory, there is no
need to think it -- you will feel it. It will suddenly occur to your mind,
"What has happened to the world?" The world has suddenly gone dreamy. It is
there, a dreamlike existence, without any substance. It looks so real, just
like a film on the screen. It can even be three dimensional. It looks like
something, but it is a projected thing. Not that the world is a projected
thing, not that it is really unreal -- no. The world is real but you create
the distance, and the distance gets more and more. And you can understand
whether the distance is getting more and more or not by knowing how you are
feeling about the world. That's the criterion. That is a meditative
criterion. It is not a truth that the world is unreal -- if the world has
become unreal, you have become centered in the being. Now the surface and
you are so far away that you can look at the surface as being something
objective, something other than you. You are not identified.
This technique is very easy and will not take much time if you try it. With
this technique it sometimes even happens that with the very first effort you
will feel the beauty and the miracle of it. So try it. But if you don't feel
anything with the first effort, don't be disappointed. Wait. And go on doing
it. And it is so easy that you can go on doing it any time. Just lying on
your bed at night you can do it; just in the morning when you feel that you
are now awake you can do it. Do first and then get up. Even ten minutes will
be enough. Ten minutes at night just before falling asleep, do it. Make the
world unreal, and your sleep will be so deep that you may not have slept
like that before. If the world becomes unreal just before falling asleep,
dreaming will be less. Because if the world has become a dream then dreams
cannot continue. And if the world is unreal, you are totally relaxed because
the reality of the world will not impinge itself upon you, hammer on you.
I have suggested this technique to people who suffer from insomnia. It
helps deeply. If the world is unreal, tensions dissolve. And if you can move
from the periphery, you have already moved to a deep state of sleep --
before the sleep comes you are already deep into it. And then in the morning
it is beautiful because you are so fresh, so young; your whole energy is
vibrating. It is because you are coming back to the periphery from the
center.
And the moment you become alert that now sleep is no more, don't open your
eyes. First do this experiment for ten minutes, then open the eyes. The body
is relaxed after the whole night and is feeling fresh and alive. You are
already relaxed; so it will not take much time. Just relax. Bring your
consciousness to the heart just between the two armpits: feel it filled with
deep peace. For ten minutes remain in that peace, then open the eyes. The
world will look totally different because that peace will also be radiated
from your eyes. And the whole day you will feel different -- not only will
you feel different but you will feel that people are behaving differently
with you. To every relationship you contribute something. If your
contribution is not there, people behave differently because they feel you
are a different person. They may not be aware of it. But when you are filled
with peace everyone will behave differently towards you. They will be more
loving and more kind, less resistant, more open, closer. A magnet is there.
Peace is the magnet. When you are peaceful people come nearer to you; when
you are disturbed everyone is repelled. And this is so physical a phenomenon
that you can observe it easily. Whenever you are peaceful you will feel
everyone wants to be closer to you because that peace radiates, it becomes a
vibration around you. Circles of peace move around you and whosoever comes
near wants to be nearer to you -- like you want to move under the shadow of
a tree and to relax there.
A person who is peaceful within has a shadow around him. Wherever he goes
everyone would like to be closer to him, open, trusting. A person who has
inner turmoil, conflict, anguish, anxiety, tensions, repels persons.
Whosoever come near becomes afraid. You are dangerous. To be near you is
dangerous. Because you will give whatsoever you have, you are constantly
giving it. So you may want to love someone but if you are very disturbed
within, even your lover will be repelled and he will want to escape from you
because you will drain his energy and he will not feel happy with you. And
whenever you leave him, you will leave him tired, exhausted, because you
don;t have a life-giving source, you have a destructive energy within you.
So not only will you feel you are different, others will also feel that you
are different.
Your whole life-style can change if you move a little closer to the center
-- and the whole outlook and the whole outcome. If you are peaceful the
whole world becomes peaceful to you. It is just a reflection. Whatsoever you
are is reflected all over. Everyone becomes a mirror.
The second technique:
FEEL YOURSELF AS PERVADING ALL DIRECTIONS, FAR, NEAR.
Tantra and yoga both think that your narrowness is the problem. Because you
have made yourself so narrow, so tightly narrow, you feel always in bondage.
The bondage is not coming from anywhere else: the bondage is coming from
your narrow mind. And it goes on being narrower and narrower and you are
very confined. That confinement gives you the feeling of bondage. You have
an infinite soul and an infinite being but that infinite being feels
imprisoned. So whatsoever you do, you feel limitations everywhere. Wherever
you move, a point of cul de sac comes. You cannot move beyond it. Everywhere
there is a boundary. There is no open sky to fly. But that boundary is
created by you -- that boundary is your own creation. You have created it
for certain reasons: for security, safety. You have created a boundary. And
the narrower the boundary, the more you feel secure. If you have a very
large boundary you cannot watch over all of it, you cannot be alert and
watchful everywhere. It becomes vulnerable. Narrow the boundary and you can
watch it, you can remain closed, you are not vulnerable, you feel safe. The
safety, the security has created the boundary. But then you feel a bondage.
This is how the mind is paradoxical. You go on asking for more safety and
you go on asking for more freedom. Both cannot be together. If you want
freedom you will have to lose safety, security -- in any case the safety is
just illusory, it is not really there. Because death is going to happen --
whatsoever you do, you are going to die. All your safety, security, is just
a facade, nothing will help. But afraid of insecurity you create boundaries,
you create big walls around you and then the open sky is closed. And then
you suffer! And then you say, "Where is the open sky?" and "I want freedom
and I want to move!" But you have created these boundaries.
So this is the first thing to remember before you do this technique
otherwise it will not be possible to do it. With your boundaries intact you
cannot do it. Unless you stop creating boundaries you will not be able to
feel or do it.
.... PERVADING ALL DIRECTIONS, FAR, NEAR. No boundaries, becoming infinite,
becoming one with infinite space.... This will be impossible with your mind.
How can you feel it? How can you do it? First you will have to stop doing
certain things.
The first thing is that if you are too concerned about security and safety
then remain in bondage. Really, prison is the most secure place. No one can
harm you there. No one out of prison is as secure, as guarded, as the
prisoners. You cannot kill, you cannot murder a prisoner. It is difficult.
He is more guarded than a king. You can murder a president or a king, it is
not so difficult. Every day they go on killing them. But you cannot kill a
prisoner. He is so safe that those who want to be safe, really, must be in
prisons, they must not live outside. To live out of a prison is dangerous,
it is full of hazards. Anything can happen. So we have created mental
prisons around us, psychological prisons around us, and we carry those
prisons with us, they are portable. You need not remain with them, they move
with you. Wherever you go, your prison goes with you.
You are always behind a wall. Only sometimes, rarely, do you stretch your
hand out of it to touch someone. But only a hand -- you never come out of
your prison. So whenever we meet, it is simply meeting hands out of prisons.
Out of windows we stretch a hand, afraid, scared, and ready any moment to
withdraw the hand. Both the parties are doing the same -- only hands touch.
And now psychologists say that even that is just an appearance, because
hands have their own armor around them. No hand is ungloved. Not only Queen
Elizabeth uses gloves, you also have gloves so that no one can touch you. Or
even if someone touches, there is only a hand, dead. You are already
withdrawn, afraid. Because the other creates fear. As Sartre says, "The
other is the enemy." The other will look like an enemy if you are so
armored. With an armored person there can be no friendship. Friendship is
impossible, love is impossible, communion is impossible. You are afraid.
Someone may make you a possession, someone may overpower you, someone may
make you a slave... afraid of this, you have created a prison, a safety wall
around you. Cautiously you move, cautiously you take every step. Life
becomes a drudgery, life becomes a boredom. If you are too cautious, life
cannot be an adventure. If you are protecting yourself too much, hankering
after security too much, you are already dead.
So remember one basic law: life is insecurity. And if you are ready to live
in insecurity, only then will you be alive. Insecurity is freedom. If you
are ready to be insecure, constantly insecure, you will be free. And freedom
is the door to the Divine.
Afraid, you create a prison -- you become dead, more and more dead. And
then you call, "Where is God?" And then you question, "Where is life? What
does life mean? Where is bliss?" Life is there waiting for you, but you have
to meet it on its own terms. You cannot have your own terms, life has its
own terms. And the basic term is: remain insecure. Nothing can be done about
it. You can only create an illusion and in that illusion you can waste your
life. Nothing can be done about it. Whatsoever you do is just a deception.
If you fall in love you become afraid that this woman can leave you or this
man can leave you. Fear enters immediately. You were never afraid when you
were not in love. Now you are in love: life has entered and insecurity has
entered with it. One who never loves anybody is never afraid that anyone
will leave him. The whole world can leave him, he is not afraid. You cannot
harm him. He is secure. The moment you love someone, insecurity has entered
because life has entered. And with life, death has entered. The moment you
love you have become afraid: this person can die, this person can leave,
this person can love somebody else! Now to make things secure, you must do
something -- you must get married. So a legal bondage is made so that it is
now difficult for this person to leave you. \Now society will protect you,
the law will protect you, the policeman, the judge, will all protect you.
Now if this person wants to leave, you can drag him to the court, and if he
wants a divorce he will have to prove something against you. Even then it
will take three or five years. Now you have created safety around you. But
the moment you are married you are dead. The relationship is not alive. Now
it has become a law, not a relationship. Now it is a legal phenomenon, not
an alive thing. The court cannot protect life; the law can only protect
laws. Now marriage is something which is dead. It can be defined. Love
cannot be defined. Marriage is definable, love is indefinable. Now you have
come under the world of definitions.
But the phenomenon is already dead. The moment you wanted it to be secure,
the moment you wanted to enclose it so that no new thing happens to it, you
are imprisoned in it. Then you will suffer. Then you will say that this wife
has become a bondage to you. The husband will say this wife has become a
bondage to him. And then you fight because you have each become an
imprisonment for the other. Now you fight. Now love has disappeared, there
is only conflict. That is what happens because of the hankering for
security.
And this has happened in everything. Remember it as something basic: life
is insecure. This is the very nature of it. So when there is love, suffer
the fear that the beloved can leave you, but don;t create security. Then
love will grow. The beloved can die and you cannot do anything, but that
will not kill love. Security can kill. Love will grow more.
Really, if man were immortal, I say love would be impossible. If man were
immortal it would be difficult to love anybody. It would be so dangerous to
fall in love. Death is there and life is just like a dew drop on a trembling
leaf. Any moment the breeze will come and the dew drop will fall and
disappear. Life is just a wavering. Because of that wavering, because of
that movement, death is always there. It gives intensity to love. Love is
possible only because there is death. Love becomes intense because there is
death. Think... if you know your beloved is going to die the next moment,
all meanness will go, all conflict will go. And this one moment will become
eternity. And there will be so much love that your whole being will be
poured into it. But if you know the beloved is going to live, there is no
hurry. You can fight and you can postpone the loving for later on. If life
is eternal, if the body is immortal, you cannot love.
Hindus have a beautiful myth. They say in heaven where Indra rules -- Indra
is the king of heaven -- there is no love. There are beautiful girls, more
beautiful than on the earth, and deities. They have sex but there is no love
because they are immortal.
So it is recorded in one of the Indian stories that Urvashi, the chief of
the heavenly girls, asked permission of Indra to move to earth for a few
days to love a man. "What nonsense!: Indra said. "You can love here! And you
will not find such beautiful persons on the earth." Urvashi said, "They are
beautiful but they are immortal, so there is no charm. They are really
dead."
They are really dead because there is no death to make them alive. They
will always be there. They cannot die, so how can they be alive? That
aliveness exists against death. A man is alive because death is there
constantly, fighting. Against the background of death life exists.
So Urvashi said, "Give me permission to move to the earth. I want to love
someone." Permission was given so she came down to earth and fell in love
with Pururuwa, a young man.
But there was a condition from Indra. Indra made the condition that she
could go to the earth, she could love someone, but she must tell the man who
loved her not to ask anything about who she was. This is difficult for love
because love is curious. Love wants to know everything about the beloved,
everything. The whole unknown has to be made known. The whole mystery has to
be entered and penetrated. So Indra cunningly made a condition which Urvashi
didn't understand the craftiness of. So she said, "Okay. I will tell my
lover not to be curious about me, not to ask who I am. And if he asks,
immediately I will leave him, I will come back." And she said to Pururuwa,
"Don't ever ask anything about me, who I am. The moment you ask I will have
to leave earth."
But love is curious. Because of this Pururuwa must have become more curious
about who she was. He could not sleep. He would go on looking at Urvashi.
Who is she? Such a beautiful woman, made of dreamy stuff, doesn't look
earthly, doesn't look substantial. Perhaps she comes from somewhere else,
some unknown dimension. He became more and more curious. But he also became
more and more afraid, because she might leave. He became so afraid that in
the night when he went to sleep he would take a fragment of her saree in his
hand because he was not confident about himself. Any moment he could ask,
the question was always there. Even in his sleep he could ask. And Urvashi
said that even in sleep he could not ask about her. So he slept with a part
of her saree in his hand.
But one night he couldn't contain himself -- and he thought that now she
loved him so much that she would not leave. So he asked. And Urvashi had to
disappear -- only a fragment of her saree remained in Pururuwa's hand. And
it is said that he is still searching for her.
In heaven there cannot be love because there is no life really. Life exists
here on earth, where death exists. Whenever you make anything secure, life
disappears. Remain insecure, that is the very quality of life itself.
Nothing can be done about it. And it is beautiful!
Just think if your body was immortal -- it would be ugly. You will start
finding ways and means of committing suicide. And if it is impossible,
against the law, you will suffer so much you cannot even imagine.
Immortality is a very long thing. Now in the West they go on thinking about
euthanasia because people are now living longer. So a person who reaches the
age of a hundred wants the right to kill himself. And really, the right will
have to be given. We made it a law not to commit suicide when life was very
short. Really in Buddha's age to be forty or fifty was much. The average
life was just about twenty. In India, just two decades ago the average life
was twenty-three. Now in Sweden the average life is eighty-three. So people
can very easily live to be a hundred and fifty. In Soviet Russia there are
fifteen hundred people who have reached the mark of a hundred and fifty. Now
if they say they have the right to kill themselves, because now it is too
much, we will have to give them the right. It cannot be denied them. Sooner
or later suicide will be one of the birth rights. You cannot deny it if a
person wants to die -- not for any reason, just because now life has no
meaning. It has been too long already. A person living at a hundred doesn't
feel like living. Not that he is frustrated, not that there is no food.
Everything is there, but life has no meaning.
So think of immortality. Life will be totally meaningless. The meaning
comes with death. Love has meaning because love can be lost. Then it throbs,
vibrates, pulsates. It can be lost! You cannot be certain about it! You
cannot think anything about it for tomorrow because it may not be there. You
have to love the lover and the beloved with the view that tomorrow may never
be there at all. Then love becomes intense.
So first, withdraw your efforts to create a secure life. Just by
withdrawing, your walls around you will fall. For the first time you will
feel rains coming to you directly, the wind blowing at you directly, the sun
rising to you directly. You will be under the open sky. It is beautiful. And
if it looks horrible to you it is only because you have become accustomed to
living in a prison. You will have to get accustomed to this new freedom.
This freedom will make you more alive, more flowing, more open, more rich,
more radiant. But the more radiant you are, the higher the peak of your
aliveness, the deeper will be the death near you. Just near. You can rise
only against death, the valley of death. The peak of life and the valley of
death are always near and in proportion.
That's why I always say that Nietzsche's dictum is to be followed. It is a
very religious dictum. Nietzsche says, "Live dangerously." Not that you have
to seek danger positively, there is no need to seek danger positively. Don't
create protections. Don't create walls around you. Live naturally, and that
will be dangerous, dangerous enough. There is no need to seek any danger.
Then you can do this technique. FEEL YOURSELF AS PERVADING ALL DIRECTIONS,
FAR, NEAR. Then it is very easy. If walls are not there, you will already be
feeling yourself pervading everywhere. Then there is no point at where you
end. You simply begin in the heart and end nowhere. You have a center and no
periphery. The periphery goes on expanding -- on and on. The whole space is
surrounded by it. Stars move in it. Earths are born and dissolve. Planets
arise and set. The whole cosmos becomes your periphery. In this vastness
where will your ego be? In this vastness where will your suffering be? In
this vastness where will your mean mind be? The mediocre mind, where will it
be? It cannot be there in such vastness, it simply disappears. It can exist
only in a narrow field. It can exist only when it is walled, enclosed,
encapsulated. The encapsulation is the problem. Live dangerously and be
ready to live in insecurity.
And the beauty is that even if you decide not to live in insecurity, you
will! You cannot do anything!
I have heard about a king. He was very afraid of death....
Kings are more afraid. They are more afraid because they have exploited so
many people; they have pushed, crushed; they have played many political
games on so many people. They have made many enemies. A real king has no
friend. He cannot have. Because the closest friend is also an enemy, just
waiting for an opportunity to kill him, to be in his place. A man in power
cannot have any friends. A Hitler, a Stalin, a Nixon, they cannot have
friends. They just have enemies who are parading around them as friends and
just waiting for the right chance to push them aside from the throne.
Whenever they get the chance they do everything. Just a moment ago they were
friendly, but their friendliness is a strategy. Their friendliness is a
tactic. A man who is in power cannot have friends. So Lao Tzu says, "If you
want friends, don't be in power." Then the whole world will be friendly to
you. If you are in power, then you are your only friend, everyone is your
enemy.
.... So the king was very afraid. He was very scared of death, it was all
around. He was haunted by the idea that everyone around him was going to
kill him. He couldn't sleep. So he asked his wise men, his counsellors, what
to do. They told him to make a palace with only one door. At the door he
should put seven rings of military men: the first watching the palace, the
second watching the first, the third ring watching the second. With only one
door no one could enter and the king would be safe.
The king built the palace with only one door and with seven rings of
soldiers watching each other. The news spread all over and another king from
a nearby state came to see it. He was also afraid. News had reached him that
his neighbor had built such a secure palace that it was impossible to kill
him. He came to visit his neighbor and together they appreciated very much
the idea of only one door and every safety; no danger.
While they were looking at the door a beggar just sitting at the corner of
the street started laughing. So the king, the owner of the palace, asked the
beggar, "Why are you laughing?" The beggar replied, "I am laughing because
you have made one error. You should go inside and close, seal this door
also. This door is dangerous, someone can enter it. A door means that
somebody can enter. So you do one thing: go inside and let this door be also
closed. Then you will be really safe because death cannot enter." But the
king said, "That means I would be already dead if I closed this door also."
The beggar said, "You are already ninety-nine per cent dead -- you are only
as much alive as this door. That is the danger, this much alive. Leave this
aliveness also."
Everyone in his own way is creating a palace around him where nothing can
enter and he can remain in peace. But then you are already dead. And peace
happens only to those who are alive; peace is not a dead thing. Remain
alive, live dangerously, live a vulnerable life, open, so that everything
can happen to you. And let everything happen to you. The more that happens
to you the richer you will be.
Then you can practise this technique. This technique is then very easy, you
will not even need to practise it. Just think, and you will be pervading the
whole space.
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