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We talk about the sufi meditation tradition  but we also have a few other web pages, the Sufi Meditation master and Sufis People are Sleeping or Are You Angry, Mr Sufi? OR generously, Sufi is a Feeling of the Heart explained by Osho. Or perhaps you like ZEN Zen Meditation Stories or Zen and the Stars or TAOISM KO HSUAN Stories of the Tao by Ko Hsuan and other Taoist Meditations. Or PATANJALI The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali One or The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali Two or TANTRA Tantra and Tantric Meditations or even the Meditations of the Peace of the Guida Spiritual and now DON JUAN AND CARLOS CASTENADA The Teachings of Don Juan, and Don Juan, Castaneda and A Separate Reality AND  JESUS - WHEN JESUS WENT UNTO THE MOUNT OF OLIVES.   OR THE UPANISHADS This Direct Knowing Natchiketa with the Lord of Death, Yama From the Katha Upanishad AND The Kundalini Energy of Prana and Apana - None Can Transcend It and Lao Tsu's Tao Te Ching - Lao Tzu's Tao Te Ching one

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VIGYAN BHAIRAV TANTRA VOL2

Falling in love with an enlightened person

 

YOU SAID THAT LOVE IS POSSIBLE ONLY WITH DEATH. THEN WILL YOU PLEASE EXPLAIN BUDDHA'S LOVE.

For an ignorant person love is always part of hate, it always goes with hate. For the ignorant mind hate and love are just two aspects of the same coin. For the ignorant mind love is never pure.

 And that is the misery of love -- because the hate becomes a poison. You love a person and you hate the same person also. But you may not be doing both simultaneously so you are not aware of it. When you love a person you forget about the hatred part, it goes below, it goes into the unconscious and it waits there. Then when your love is tired, it falls into the unconscious and the hate part comes up. Then you hate the same person.

 And when you hate you are not aware that you also love -- now the love has gone deep down into the unconscious. This goes on, just like night and day. It goes on moving in a circle. It becomes a misery.

 But for a Buddha, for one who is enlightened, the dichotomy, the dualism, disappears. Everywhere -- not only as far as love is concerned -- the whole life becomes a oneness. Then there is no dichotomy, the opposite doesn't exist.
So really, to call Buddha's love `love' is not good, but we have no other term. Buddha himself never used the word `love'. He used the word `compassion'. But that too is not very good. Because your compassion is always mixed with your cruelty, your non-violence is always mixed with your violence -- whatsoever you do will have its opposite just nearby. You exist between contradictions; hence the tension, the anguish, the anxiety. You are not one; you are always two. You are a crowd, divided into many fragments, and those fragments are opposing each other. Your being is a tension; Buddha's being is a deep relaxation. Remember, tension exists between two opposite poles, and relaxation is just in the middle, where two opposing poles are no longer opposing. They negate each other -- and there is a transcendence. So Buddha's love is basically different from what you know as love.

 Your love is a dis-ease; Buddha's love is total relaxation. There is no head part to it, so the quality of it changes completely. Many things will be in Buddha's love which cannot be in ordinary love. First, it cannot be hot. The hotness comes from hate. It is not passion, rather it is compassion. It is not hot, it is cool. To us, a cool love means something which has gone wrong. Buddha's love is cool, there is no heat to it. It is not like the sun, it is like the moon. It will not create passion in you, it will create a deep coolness.

 Secondly, Buddha's love is not really a relationship -- your love is a relationship. Buddha's love is his state of being. Really, he does not love you, he IS love. This distinction must be understood clearly. If you love a person, your love is an act, you do something, you behave in a certain way, you create a relationship, a bridge. Buddha's love is just his being, it is just how he is. He is not loving towards you, he is just love. He is just like a flower there in the garden -- you pass by and the perfume comes to you. It is not that the flower is sending its perfume to you especially -- when there was no one passing by, the perfume was there. And if no one ever passes by, the perfume will still be there.

 When your lover is not with you, when your beloved is not with you, the love disappears, the perfume is not there. It is an effort on your part, it is not simply your being. You have to do something to bring it out. When no one is there and Buddha is sitting alone under his Bodhi tree, then too he is a lover. It looks absurd that then too he is a lover. There is no one to be loved but still he is a lover. This being a lover is his state. And because it is his state, it is never a tension. Buddha cannot get tired of his love. You will get tired, because it is something you are doing. So lovers get tired of each other if there is too much love. They get tired, they need gaps, intervals, to recuperate. If you are with your lover for twenty-four hours he will get fed up because it is too much attention. Twenty-four hours of doing something is too much.

 Buddha is not doing something, he is not tired of his love. It is his very being, it is just as if he is breathing. As you are never tired of breathing, you are never tired of being, so he is not tired of his love.

 And then the third thing follows: you will be aware that you love, Buddha will not be at all aware. Because awareness needs the contrary. Buddha is so filled with love that he will not be aware. If you ask him he will say, "I love you." But he is not aware of it. It is flowing so silently from him, it has become so intrinsic a part, that he cannot be aware of it. You will become aware that he loves, and if you are open and receptive you will become more aware that he loves you more. It depends on your capacity, on how much you can receive. But to him it is not a gift. He is not giving anything to you -- he is this way, he happens to be this way. Whenever you become aware of your total being, enlightened, liberated, the dichotomy from your life drops. Then there is no duality. Then life becomes a harmony -- nothing is against anything.

 Because of this harmony, much peace happens. There is no disturbance. Disturbance is not created from without, it is within you. The contradiction goes on creating the disturbance although you may find excuses without. For example, watch what happens with your lover, or a friend, a deep friend, very intimate, close. Live with him, and just watch what is happening to you. When you meet you are very elated, ecstatic, dancing. But how much can you dance? And how ecstatic can you feel? Minutes later you are down, the elation has gone, and after a few hours you are bored, you are thinking of escaping to somewhere else. And after a few days you will be fighting. Just watch what is happening. This is all coming from within, but you will find excuses outside. You will say that now this man is not as loving as he was when he came; now this man is disturbing me, he is making me angry. And you will always find that he is doing something to you, you will never be aware that your dichotomy, your duality of mind, the opposites within, are doing something. We are never aware of our own workings of the mind.

 I have heard that a very famous, glamorous, Hollywood actress went to a studio for her photograph. The photograph had been taken the day before. The photographer presented the photograph to her, but she was annoyed, furious. She said, "What have you done? You have taken my photographs before and they were heavenly!" The photographer said to the actress, "Yes, but you have forgotten that I was twelve years younger when I took your photographs. I was twelve years younger, you forget that."

 We never look within at what is happening. If the photograph is not okay to you, something is wrong with the photographer. It is not that twelve years have passed and you are older -- it is an inner process, the photographer is not concerned at all. But the photographer must have been a very wise man! He said, "You forget that I was twelve years younger then."
 

 

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 Buddha's love is totally different, but we don't have any other word for it. The best that we have is `love'. But, if you can remember this, then the quality changes completely.

 And note one thing, think about it deeply. If Buddha is your lover, will you be satisfied? You will not be. Because you will feel that it is cold, that there is no passion in it. You will feel that he loves you as he loves everyone -- you are nothing special. You will feel that his love is not a gift -- he is this way, that is why he is loving.

 You will feel his love to be so natural that you will not be satisfied with it. Think inside. You cannot be satisfied with a love which is without hate. And you cannot be satisfied with a love which is with hate. This is the problem. Either way you will be unsatisfied. If love is with hate, you will be unsatisfied, always ill, because the hate part will disturb you. If love is without hate, you will feel that it is cold. And it is happening to Buddha so naturally that even if you were not there it would be happening -- so it is nothing special for you. So your ego will feel unsatisfied. And it is my feeling that if you have a Buddha or a non-Buddha to choose as your lover, you will choose the non-Buddha... because you can understand his language. The non-Buddha is at least just like you. You will be fighting, you will be quarrelling, the whole thing will be just a mess, a mad mess, but still you will choose a non-Buddha. Because Buddha will be so high that you cannot understand the way that Buddha loves unless you rise.

 With a non-Buddha, with an ignorant person, you need not transform yourself. You can remain the same. He is not a challenge. Really just the contrary happens to lovers. When two lovers meet and fall in love, they both try to convince each other that they are very high. They bring out the best that is within them. They appear to be on the peak. But it takes much arduous effort! You cannot remain on this peak. So when you start settling down you come back down to the earth.

 So lovers are always frustrated with each other because they thought the other was just divine, and when they settle, when everything becomes just mundane, just ordinary, they think the other was deceiving. No, he was not deceiving, he was just presenting himself in his best colors. That is all. He was not deceiving anybody, he was not consciously doing anything. He was just presenting himself in his best colors. And the same was done by the other. But you cannot go on presenting yourself like that for long because it becomes arduous, difficult, heavy. So you come down.

 When two lovers settle, when they start to take each other for granted, then they appear very mean, very mediocre, very ordinary -- just the opposite to what they appeared to be before. Then they were angels; now they appear to be just disciples of the devil. You fall down, you come to your ordinary level.

 Ordinary love is not a challenge, but it is rare to fall in love with someone who is enlightened. Only very fortunate ones fall in such a love. It is rare. It happens only when you have been searching for an enlightened person for lives together. Only if this has happened do you fall in love with an enlightened person. Fall in love with an enlightened person is in itself a great achievement -- but then there is a problem. The problem is that the enlightened person is a challenge. He cannot come down to your level, that is not possible, that is impossible. You have to go to his peak; you have to travel, you have to be transformed.

 So love becomes a SADHANA if you fall in love with a Buddha. It becomes a SADHANA, the greatest SADHANA that is possible. Because of this, whenever there is a Buddha or a Jesus, or a Lao Tzu, many around them are able to reach to peaks in one life that they could not have reached in many lives. But the secret is if they can fall in love. It is not unimaginable, it is imaginable. You may have been there in the time of Buddha, you must have been somewhere around. Buddha might have passed through your village or town and you may not have even heard him, you may not have seen him. Because even to hear a Buddha or to see a Buddha or to come near to him, a certain love is needed, a certain search is needed on your part.

 When someone falls in love with an enlightened person it is meaningful, very meaningful. But arduous will be the path. It is easy to fall in love with an ordinary person, there is no challenge, but with an enlightened person the challenge will be much, and the path will be difficult, because you will have to travel all above. And those things will be disturbing. His love will be cold, his love will look as if it is for everyone, his love will not have the hatred part.

 This has been my experience. Many people fall in love with me, and then they start to play the game -- the ordinary game. Knowingly or unknowingly, they start to play it. In a way it is natural. They start expecting things from me, ordinary expectations, and their mind works in the duality. For example, if you love me you will feel happy if you can make me happy. This is how love feels, it wants to make the other happy. If you can make me happy, you will feel happy -- but you cannot make me happy, I am already.

 If you fall in love with me, you will feel dejected, you will feel very disappointed because you cannot make me happy, you cannot make me more happy, there is nothing more. If you cannot make me happy you will feel unhappy, and so you will try to make me unhappy! Because at least if you can do that, that too will be a satisfaction. You will try to make me unhappy -- unknowingly, you are not alert, you are not aware of it. If you are aware you will not do it. But you will try -- your unconscious mind will try to make me unhappy. If you can make me unhappy then you can be certain that you can make me happy also. But if you cannot make me unhappy you are totally disappointed. Then you will feel that you are not related to me at all, because this is what relationship means to you.

 Ordinary love is a disease because the duality goes on persisting. And to understand the love of an enlightened person is difficult. Intellectually there is no way to understand it. You have to fall in love. And then you have to be alert about your own mind because that mind will go on disturbing.

 Buddha became enlightened, then he came back to his home -- he came back after twelve years. His wife, whom he had loved very much, was very angry, furious. All these twelve years she had been waiting and waiting -- someday this man will come back. And she had much revenge in her mind because this man had done an injustice to her, he was unfair. Suddenly one night he had disappeared. At least he could have said something, then it would have been fair, but without saying anything he simply disappeared, leaving her and their small child. For twelve years she waited, and then Buddha came. She was furious, she was mad.

 Buddha's nearest, closest disciple was Anand. Anand had always followed him like a shadow. When Buddha was entering the palace he said to Anand, "Please don't come with me." Anand asked why, because he had an ordinary mind, he was not enlightened. He became enlightened only when Buddha died. He said, "Why? Are you still thinking in terms of wife and husband? That you are going to meet your wife? Are you still thinking in terms of wife and husband?" He was shocked. How can a Buddha, an enlightened person, say, "Don't come with me. I am going to meet my wife?"

 Buddha said, "That is not the point. She will get more furious seeing that I have come with someone. She has been waiting for twelve years. Let her be mad alone. She belongs to a very ancient family, very cultured So she will not be angry before you, she will not express anything -- and she has been waiting for twelve years. So let her explode, don't come with me. I am not a husband to her now, but she is still a wife. I have changed, bust she has not changed."

 Buddha went alone. Of course she was furious, she started crying and weeping and screaming and saying things. And Buddha listened. She asked again and again, "If you loved me at all, why did you leave? Why did you go away? And without telling me. If you loved me at all, tell me this." And Buddha said, "If I didn't love you, why should I have come back?"

 But these are two different things, totally different. She was not ready to hear what he would say. She went on insisting, "Why did you leave me alone? You tell me that you never loved me, then everything is settled." And Buddha said, "I did love you. I still love you. That is why I have come back after twelve years." But this love is different: she was angry and Buddha was not angry. If he had also been angry because she was screaming and weeping and crying, she could have understood. If he had also been angry and had beaten her, she could have understood. Then everything would have been okay. He was the old man. The twelve years would have disappeared completely and they would have loved again. There was no problem. But he was standing silently and she was mad. Only she was mad, he was smiling. This was too much! What type of love is this? It must have been very hard for her to understand.
 

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 Just to taunt Buddha she told her son, who was not twelve years old, "This is your father, look at him, an escapist. You were just one day old when he escaped. This is your father. He is a beggar, and he gave birth to you. Now ask about the heritage. Spread your hands before him, he is your father. Ask him what he has to give to you." She was taunting Buddha, she was angry, naturally. And Buddha called Anand who was standing outside and said, "Anand, come and bring my begging bowl." When the begging bowl was given to Buddha, he gave it to his son, Rahul, and said, "This is my heritage. I initiate you into SANNYAS." This was his love. But Yashodhara got more mad. She said, "What are you doing? If you love your son, you will not make him a beggar, a SANNYASIN." Buddha said, "I make him a beggar because I love him. I know what real heritage is, and that I am giving to him. My father was not so wise, but I know what is worth giving and I am giving it."

 These are two different dimensions, two different languages, never meeting anywhere. He is loving. He must have loved his wife; that is why he came back. He must have loved his son; that is why he initiated him. But no father can understand this.

 When Buddha's father heard about this -- he was an old man, ill -- he came running out and he said, "What have you done? Are you bent on destroying my whole family? You escaped from the house, you were my only son. Now my hopes are on Rahul, he is your only son. And you have initiated him into SANNYAS. So my family is cut. Now there is no possibility for the future. What are you doing? Are you an enemy?"

 And Buddha said, "Because I love my son, I give him what is worth giving. Neither your kingdom nor your family and its tree is significant. It will make no difference to the world whether this tree goes on growing further or not. But the phenomenon of SANNYAS that Rahul is initiated into is something significant. I also love my son."

 Two fathers talking.... Buddha's father was again pleading to him, "You come back. I am your father. I am old. I am angry. You have disappointed me. But still I have a father's heart and I will forgive you. Come, my doors are open. Come back. Throw this sannyas, come back, my doors are open. This kingdom is yours, I am waiting. I am very old but I have a deep love for you and I can forgive." This is love.

 Then there is the other father, Gautam Buddha himself, giving initiation to his son to leave the world. That too is love.

 But both loves are so different that it is not good to call them by one name, one word -- but we don't have any other.

 The second question:

 Question 2

 LAST NIGHT YOU SAID THAT LOVE IS ALIVE BECAUSE IT IS INSECURE, AND MARRIAGE IS DEAD BECAUSE IT IS SECURE. BUT ISN'T IT TRUE THAT LOVE IN THE SPIRITUAL DEPTH BECOMES MARRIAGE?

 No! It never becomes marriage. The deeper it goes the more love it becomes, but never a marriage. By marriage I mean an outer bond, a legal sanction, social approval. And I say that love never becomes a marriage because it is never secure. It remains love. It becomes more love, more and more, but the more it is, the more insecure it is. There is no security. But if you love, you don't care about security at all. When you don't love, only then you care about security. When you love, the very moment is so much that you don't care about the next moment, you don't care about the future. What happens tomorrow is not your concern -- because what is happening right now is so much. It is too much. It is unbearably much. You don't care. Why does security come to the mind? It comes because of the future. Really, you are not rooted in the present. You are not living in the present. You are not enjoying it. It is not a bliss. The present is not a bliss. Then you hope for the future, then you plan for the future, then you want to make every security for the future.

 Love never wants to make any security, it is secure in itself. That is the point. It is so secure in itself that it never thinks about any security; what will happen in the future is not a concern at all -- because the future is going to grow out of the present, and if the present is so alive, so blissful, the future will grow out of it. Why worry about it?

 When the present is not a bliss, when it is a misery, then you are worried about the future. Then you want to make it secure, safe. But remember, no one can make anything secure. That is not in the nature of things. The future will remain insecure. You can do only one thing: live the present more deeply. That is all you can do. If any security happens through that, that is the only security. And if it is not happening, it is not happening -- nothing can be done.

 But our mind works in a completely suicidal way. The more miserable the present is, the more you think about the future and want to make it secure. And the more you move into the future, the more the present will be miserable. Then you are moving in a vicious circle. This circle can be broken, but the only way to break it is to live the present moment so deeply that this moment becomes the eternity in its depth. The future is going to be born out of it -- it will take its own course, you need not worry about it.

 So I say that love never thinks of security because love is so secure in itself. Love is never afraid of insecurity. If it is there at all, if love is there at all, it is not afraid of insecurity. Life is insecure, but love is not afraid of insecurity. Rather, love enjoys insecurity because it gives color to life, changing seasons and moods. It gives tone. It is beautiful. The changing life is beautiful because there is always something to discover, there is always something to encounter which is new.

 Really, two lovers move in a constant discovery of each other. And the landscape is infinite. A loving heart is an infinite landscape. You can never finish it. There is no end to it. It goes on and on. It is as spacious as space itself. Love is not worried about insecurity, love can enjoy it. It gives a thrill. Only those who cannot love are afraid of insecurity, because they are not rooted in life. Those who cannot love are always secure in life. They waste their life just making it secure -- and it is never secure. It cannot be.

 Security is the quality of death; safety is the quality of death. Life is insecure, and love is not afraid of it. Love is not afraid of life, insecurity, because it is so grounded. If you are not grounded and you feel a cyclone coming, you will be afraid. But if you are grounded you will welcome the cyclone, it will become an adventure. If you are rooted, the passing cyclone will become a challenge. You will be shaken to the very roots by it; every fibre will become alive. Then when the cyclone has gone you will not think that it was bad, a misfortune. You will say it was fortunate, a blessing, because all the deadness has been taken away by the cyclone. All that was dead has moved with it and all that was alive has become more alive.

 Look at the trees after the cyclone has gone. They are vibrating with life, pulsating with life, radiant, vital; energy is filling them. Because the cyclone gave then an opportunity to feel their roots, to feel their `groundedness.' It was an opportunity to feel themselves.

 So one who is rooted in love is never afraid of anything. Whatsoever comes is beautiful, a change -- insecurity. Whatsoever happens is beautiful. But it never becomes a marriage. When I say it never becomes a marriage I don't mean that lovers should not marry, but that marriage should not become a substitute for love. It should only be the outer garb, it should not be the substitute. And it will never become a marriage because lovers never take each other for granted. What I mean is that it is deeply psychological -- lovers never take each other for granted. Once you start taking the other for granted, the other has become a thing. Now he is not a person. So marriage reduces the partners into things. A husband is a thing, a wife is a thing -- predictable, very predictable.

 I have been staying in many families all over this country and I have come to know many wives and many husbands. They are not persons at all. They are predictable. If the husband asserts a sentence it can even be said what the wife will say. How the wife will react is predictable. And if the wife says something mechanically the husband will reply to it mechanically. It is certain. They are playing the same role again and again. Their life is just like a gramophone record when something goes wrong, when the needle sticks at a point and it goes on repeating. It is as predictable as that. You can tell what is going to happen again and again -- the husband and wife are stuck somewhere, they have become phonograph records. Then they go on repeating. That repetition creates boredom.

 I was staying with a family. The husband said to me, "I have become afraid to be alone with my wife. Only when someone else is there are we both happy. We cannot even go for a holiday without taking someone with us because that someone gives something new. Otherwise we know what is going to happen. It is so predictable that it is not worth anything. We know it already."

 It is just as if you are reading the same book, again and again and again.... Lovers are not predictable. That is the insecurity. You don't know what is going to happen -- and that is the beauty. You can be fresh and young and alive. But we want to make a thing of each other because a thing can be manipulated easily. And you need not be afraid of a thing. You know its whereabouts, its behavior. You can plan beforehand what to do and what not to do. By marriage I mean an arrangement in which two persons fall to the level of things. Love is not an arrangement: it is a moment to moment encounter, alive. Full of danger of course, but life is so. Marriage is safe, there is no danger; love is unsafe. You never know what is going to happen, the next moment is unknown, remains unknown.

 So love is entering every moment into the unknown -- that is what Jesus means when he says, "God is love." God is as unknown as love. And if you are not ready to be alive and in love and insecure, you cannot move into God, because that is a greater insecurity, a greater unknownness. So love prepares you for prayer. If you can love, and remain with an unknown person without reducing him to a thing, without becoming predictable, encountering moment to moment, you are getting ready for prayer.

 Prayer is nothing but love -- love for the whole existence. You are living with existence as you are living with your lover: you don't know the mood, you don't know the season, you don't know what is coming. Nothing is known. You go on uncovering it -- it is an endless journey.

 The third question:

 Question 3

 CAN ONE WHO IS NOT ENLIGHTENED LIVE IN TOTAL INSECURITY AND NOT BE ANXIOUS, DEPRESSED AND MISERABLE?

 Total insecurity and the capacity to live in it are synonymous with enlightenment. So one who is not enlightened cannot live in total insecurity, and one who cannot live in total insecurity cannot become enlightened. These are not two things, they are just two ways of saying the same thing. So don't wait until you have become enlightened to live in insecurity, no! Because then you will never become enlightened.

 Start living in insecurity -- that is the way towards enlightenment. And don't think about total insecurity. Start from where you are. As you are you cannot be total in anything, but one has to make a start. In the beginning it will create anxiety, in the beginning you will feel miserable -- but only in the beginning. If you can pass the beginning, if you can tolerate the beginning, the misery will disappear, the anxiety will disappear.

 The mechanism has to be understood. Why do you feel anxiety when you feel insecure? It is not because of insecurity, but because of the demand for security. When you feel insecure you feel anxious, anxiety arises. It is not arising because of insecurity, it is arising because of the demand to make life a security. If you start living insecurely and don't demand security, the anxiety will disappear when the demand goes. The demand is creating the anxiety.

 Insecurity is the very nature of life. It is an insecure world for a Buddha; for a Jesus it is also insecure. But they are not anxious because they have accepted the fact. They have become mature enough to accept a reality.

 This is my definition of maturity and immaturity. A person I call immature is one who goes on fighting against reality for fictions and dreams. This man is immature. Maturity means coming to terms with reality, throwing away dreams, and accepting the reality as it is. Buddha is mature. He accepts. It is so. For example, although there is death, an immature person goes on thinking that everyone may die but he is not going to die. An immature person goes on thinking that by the time he dies something will be discovered, some medical elixir, which means he will not die. An immature person goes on thinking that it is not the rule to die. Of course, many have died, but in everything there are exceptions, and he goes on thinking that he is an exception.

 Whenever someone dies you feel sympathetic, you feel, "Poor man, he has died." But it never comes to your mind that his death is your death also. No, you by-=pass it. You just don't touch such delicate matters. You go on thinking that something or other will save you -- some mantra, some miracle-maker guru. Something will happen and you will be saved. You are living in stories, children's stories. A mature person is one who looks at the fact and accepts that life and death are together. Death is not the end, it is the very peak of life. It is not something like an accident which happens to life, it is something which grows in the very heart of life. It grows and comes to a peak. So he accepts and then there is no fear of death. He accepts that security is not possible. You can create a facade, you can have a bank balance, you can donate much money to have some security in heaven, you can do everything, but deep down you know nothing is really secure. The bank can cheat you, and no one knows that the priest is not a cheat, the greatest cheat. No one knows. They write letters....

 In India, there is a Mohammedan sect, the head priest of which writes letters to God. You donate a particular amount of money and he will write a letter. The letter will be put with you in your tomb, in your grave. It will be put with you so you can produce the letter. The money goes to the priest, the letter goes with you. But nothing is secure.

 A mature person comes to terms with reality, he accepts it as it is. he doesn't demand. He is not a demander. He doesn't say, "It should be so." He looks at the fact and says, "Yes, it is so." This coming to terms with reality will make it impossible for you to be miserable -- because misery comes when you demand. Really, misery is nothing else than an indication that you are moving against reality. And reality cannot be changed by you, you will have to be changed by reality. You will have to come to terms. You will have to yield.

 This is what the meaning of surrender is: you will have to yield. The reality cannot yield, the reality is as it is. Unless you yield, you will suffer. The misery is created by you because you go on fighting. It is just as if the current of a river is flowing towards the sea and you are trying to swim upcurrent. You feel the river is against you. The river is not against you. It has not even heard about you. It doesn't know you at all. The river is simply flowing to the sea. It is a river's nature to flow to the sea, to move to the sea and to fall into it. You are trying to move upstream.

 And there may be some foolish fellows sitting or standing on the bank who go on inspiring you, "You are doing well. You shouldn't be worried because sooner or later the river will have to yield. You are simply great, go on doing it! Those who are great, they have won over the river." There are always foolish people who go on giving you inspiration, giving you more enthusiasm. But no Alexander, no Napoleon, no great man, no one has ever been able to go upstream. Sooner or later the stream takes over. But when you are dead, you cannot enjoy the bliss that was possible while you were alive; the bliss of surrendering, of accepting, of becoming so one with the stream that there is no conflict.

 But those foolish people on the bank will say, "You have yielded, you are defeated, you are a failure." Don't listen to them, just enjoy the inner freedom that comes with yielding. Don't listen to them.

 When Buddha stopped trying to flow upstream, all those that knew him said, "You are an escapist. You are a failure. You have accepted defeat." Don't listen to what others say. Feel the inner feeling. Feel what is happening to you. If you feel good flowing with the stream, this is the way. This is Tao for you. Don't listen to anybody, just listen to your own heart. Maturity accepts, whatsoever there is.

 I have heard an anecdote. A Mohammedan, a Christian and a Jew were asked a question. The question was the same. Someone asked all three, "What would you do if a tidal wave forces the ocean onto the land and you are drowned in it?" The Christian said, "I will make the sign of the cross on my heart, and pray to God to allow me into heaven, to open the doors." The Mohammedan said, "I will take the name of Allah, and will say that this is KISMAT, this is fate -- and drown." The Jew said, "I will thank God and accept his will and learn to live under water."

 This has to be done. One has to accept the will of existence, the will of the universe, and learn how to live in it. This is the whole art. A mature person accepts whatsoever is here, doesn't demand, doesn't talk about any heaven. The Christian was doing, he was asking, he was saying, "Open the doors of heaven." But he was also not a pessimist who simply accepts and is drowned. The Mohammedan was doing that. The Jew accepted, welcomed rather, and said, "This is the will, now I must learn how to live under water. This is God's will."

 Accept the reality as it is and learn how to live in it with a yielding heart, with a surrendered ego.

 The last question:

 Question 4

 YOU SAID YESTERDAY THAT LIFE EXISTS WITH DEATH. THEN PLEASE EXPLAIN WHAT IS THE NEED OF TRANSCENDENCE.

 This is the need. There is the need. Life exists with death... if you can understand this, you have transcended.

 You accept life, you don't accept death. Or do you? You accept life but you reject death, and because of that you are always in trouble. You are in trouble because death is part of life. When you accept life, death is going to be there, but you reject death. When you reject death you have rejected life also because they are not two. So you will be in trouble. Either accept the whole, or reject the whole. That is transcendence.

 And there are two ways of transcending. Either accept both, life and death together, or reject both, life and death together -- then you have transcended. These are the two ways, the negative and the positive. The negative says, "Reject both." The positive says, "Accept both" but the emphasis is that BOTH should be there, whether accepted or rejected. When both are there they negate each other, just like minus and plus. They negate each other, and when they are not, you have transcended. You are either attached to life or attached -- sometimes -- to death, but you never accept both. I have come across many people who are so dejected about life that they have started to think about committing suicide. First they are attached to life, then life frustrates -- not that life frustrates, attachment frustrates, but they think life is frustrating -- so they become attached to death. Now they start thinking about how to destroy themselves, how to commit suicide, how to die. But the attachment is there. Previously it was to life, now it is to death. So a person who is attached to life and a person who is attached to death are not different. Attachment is there and that attachment is the problem. Accept both.

 Just think. What will happen if you accept both, life and death? Immediately a silence will come to the mind, because they negate each other. Life and death both disappear when you accept them -- then you have transcended, you have gone beyond. Or reject both -- it is the same thing.

 Transcendence means going beyond duality. Attachment means remaining within duality, attached to one against the other. When you accept both or reject both, attachment falls. Your tie is unlocked. Suddenly you float into a third dimension of being, where neither life is nor death. That is nirvana, that is moksha -- where both the dualities are not, but oneness, isness, is. And unless you transcend, you will always be in misery.

 You can change your attachment from this to that, but you will be in misery. Attachment creates misery. Rejection also creates misery. Whatsoever you choose, it is up to you. You can choose a positive path, like Krishna. He says "Accept. Accept both." Or you can choose a path like Buddha, who says, "Reject both." But do something with both together, then transcendence follows immediately. Even if you THINK of both, there will be transcendence. And if you can do it in real life, a new being is born. That being doesn't belong to the earth of duality, that being belongs to an unknown realm -- the realm of nirvana.