Question 4

I LOVE MA PREM SAVYA, I WANT HER TO BE WITH ME UNTIL I DIE. IS THIS A GOOD LAST DESIRE?

The question is from Prem Aniket.

The first thing: no desire is the last if you are still living. No desire is the last desire if you are still living. Who knows about the next moment? And how can you manage to know the next moment'?

How long you have known Savya? A few weeks. Before those few weeks, you had not even dreamt about her. If this can happen, this can happen again. After three weeks, you may meet another woman. Until you are dead no desire is the last desire. Each desire creates another desire: desire is a continuum. Only two things, death or enlightenment, stop desires. And certainly neither of them has happened yet, Aniket; neither death has happened nor enlightenment.

It is good to understand desire. Each desire brings in new desires. One desire creates ten desires. It is just like out of one small seed comes a big tree, thousands of branches, and millions of leaves. Out of one desire, the seed, many desires arise.

You cannot say anything about the future -- you should not say -- the future remains open. This is one of the greatest efforts of man -- ridiculous, but man goes on making it. One: he wants to reform the past which cannot be done. Whatsoever has happened has happened, there is no way to redo it; you cannot even touch it here and there. You cannot make it better, you cannot make it worse. It is simply beyond you. It has happened, it has become actual; and that which has become cannot even be touched. The past is finished; it is complete the way it is. You cannot go back and you cannot rearrange it. It is good. Otherwise, if you could rearrange the past, if you could go back you would go mad.

Then you would never come to the present again; the past is so long. It is good that the doors of the past are closed. But man, the stupid mind of man goes on thinking of reforming, reformulating, doing something here and there. Don't you think about it sometimes: you had not said it, and you start thinking what would have been better; you had not done it -- what would.have been better? And in your fantasy you try to say that and do that. But you are simply wasting time -- now nothing can be done, it has slipped out of your hands.

The past cannot be reformed, and the future cannot be predicted. That too, man goes on doing -- he wants to predict the future. The future is that which has not happened. The future remains open: openness is what the future is. The future is indeterminate; it is not actual, it is only probable. Nothing is certain about the future. There is no certainty about the future. But man is foolish. Again he goes to the astrologers, consults the I CHING, tarot cards, shadow readers. Man is so foolish that he tries to find ways somehow so that he can know beforehand what the future will be. But if you can know about it beforehand, it is already past, it is no longer the future. Only the past can be known, the future remains unknown.

That is the intrinsic quality of the future -- unknownness. All is possible and nothing is certain -- that's what future is. All has happened, nothing more can happen -- that's what past is. And the present is just a passage from the actual to the potential, from the closed to the open, from the dead to the alive.

Now, you ask: IS THIS A GOOD LAST DESIRE?

You would like that it should be your last desire, but then you would have to commit suicide, either actually or metaphorically. You will have to commit suicide if you want it to be your last desire. Either go and jump in front of a train, or into the sea, or into an abyss -- actually commit suicide -- then you can have this as the last desire. Or psychologically commit suicide, which is what many have done. Don't look at any other woman again. Close your eyes, become afraid. Cling to whomsoever you love and don't go here, there, astray. Don't even think, don't even dream... that is psychological suicide. But in both ways you will not be able to live, because you will not have any future to live. It you really want to live and you want to live, in fact, that's what you are asking: you want to live with Savya -- to live you have to be alive.

Don't think in terms of 'the last desire'. And why, why would you like it to be the last? Why can't you share your energies some day with some other women? Why be so miserly? Why be so inhuman? Are not other women as divine as Savya? Has not God. appeared in many, many forms, millions of forms around you? Why cling to one form? Why this clinging?

This clinging comes out of repression, because you have repressed your desires. Then one day you find a woman who is loving towards you and you cling. You are afraid to lose her, because you know all those long nights when you were alone. If now this woman goes, again you will be alone. Now this woman is afraid of her loneliness herself; she clings to you. She is afraid that some day you may move towards somebody else; you may not look towards her, and she will be left alone. 'Long have been those nights of loneliness, now no more. We have found each other. We should cling to each other. We should possess each other and we should guard each other, so nobody goes anywhere.

But out of this guarding look what has happened: people are bored. You want a lover not a guard; you want a beloved not a jailer. You want to flow, not to be imprisoned. Look at the contradictory desire: you want to live and love, but whatsoever you do disturbs your love, destroys your love, creates hindrances to the flow. You want to love and live, and you want to be joyously alive, but whatsoever you do goes against it, is against it.

Why should this be the last desire? I am not saying that this should not be the last desire, remember, don't misunderstand me. I am not saying THIS should not be the last desire. I am saying simply saying, WHY should it be the last desire? If it happens that you remain together, if it happens that you never find a more beautiful woman, a more loving woman -- good, you are fortunate. If it happens that Savya never finds another man who is more loving, more alive than you -- fortunate. But if she finds a more loving man who can make her more joyful, who can bring her to greater peaks of ecstasy, then what? Should she cling to you? Then she is going against herself. Why should she cling to you?

And if she clings to you, she will never be able to forgive you, because it will be because of you she had to miss that ecstatic man; she will always be angry with you. That's why wives are angry, husbands are angry. That anger has a natural base to it. The anger is not about mundane things; it is not about the tea not being hot enough, it is not that. Who bothers, when you love a woman, whether the tea is hot or not'? When love is hot everything is hot. When love has gone cold everything seems cold. It is not that your slippers were not there where they should be when you get up. When you love a woman who bothers?

But when love disappears, that heat disappears. Then you are angry, and the anger is such that you cannot say it and the society does not allow it. The anger is such that you cannot be true about it. Maybe you have repressed it so deeply that you don't even become aware of it, you are not even conscious of it -- that you are angry because now, because of THIS woman, other women have become unavailable to you. Because this woman goes on surrounding you, and is constantly watching you. Because this man goes on watching you and does not allow you to move and have your life in your own way, the way you want it now.

Your past promises have become prisons. Then you are angry; and the anger has nothing to do with anything in particular, it is a general anger. So you cannot even say where it is, why it is, how it is! Then it jumps on any excuses -- the tea is not hot, the food is not as you would like it to be.

This clinging creates anger, and we are not here to be unnecessarily in anger. Why? For what? For what purpose? If Savya meets some beautiful person and suddenly feels that now she has found the right person, then what should she do? She should cling to you? She should not betray you?

These words are ugly...'betray'. In fact, if she remains with you she is betraying her own being. If she remains with you she is betraying her love, she is betraying her joy, she is betraying God. Now God has called from another door; she is betraying God. And she will never be able to love you anymore that is not possible; God has called from somewhere else. Some other eyes have become the doors and windows. Some other form has become alive and attractive. What can she do now? She can avoid seeing that person, but how will she be able to forgive YOU? Now anger will start erupting. Now she will be angry for no reason at all, and the anger will destroy your love. It has already flown.

Remember, love is a breeze. Just see... no breeze right now. the trees are silent. What can they do? They cannot create the breeze. Whenever it comes, it comes. When it comes, they will dance with joy. When it has gone, it has gone. They have to wait.

Love is like a breeze. When it comes, it comes. Who knows from what direction, from what person, from whom?

This is the Tantra liberation. Tantra is a dangerous philosophy, it is a dangerous religion. It has not yet been tried on a larger scale -- only a few individuals, far and few between. And they have suffered very much, because the society does not allow... The society thinks: This is absolute sin. But Tantra says: To live with a woman with whom your love flow has ceased, with whom you are no longer joyful, is sin. It is rape to make love to a woman you don't love. It is rape to make love to a man you don't love; it is prostitution.

This is the Tantra attitude about life. Tantra believes in joy because Tantra says: Joy is God. Remain true to joy and sacrifice everything to joy. Let joy be the only God, and sacrifice everything -- whatsoever is needed. Remain flowing.

You say :I LOVE MA PREM SAVYA, I WANT HER TO BE WITH ME UNTIL I DIE...

Are you thinking to die very soon? Who knows how long you may live? Why are you thinking about the future in the first place? To think about the future is to miss the present. You think that you are thinking great things. You have read such things by foolish poets. Poets are almost always foolish; they don't have a real experience of life, they only dream.

Now look, you think this is great love -- that you want to live with her until you die. This is not great love, you are afraid. In fact, right now you are not enjoying it, that's why you are spreading into the future. Right now you are missing it, so you want to have it anyhow. Maybe not today, then tomorrow, the day after tomorrow -- that's why the fear arises. You would like to be with her for your whole life, so that somehow you can manage.

But why not now? If it can ever be had, it can be had right now. You don't know how to live right now, so you think about the future. And time is a great illusion. Only NOW exists. Tomorrow, again it will be today. The day after tomorrow, again it will be today. After one year, it will be today. It will always be today. God is always in the present. If you want to live, live right now. Why think of the future? Let your love be so intense, like a flame, that it burns you totally right now.

And now you are thinking 'until I die...'

Who can say? At least I am not going to say anything about it, because I would like you to remain free. And I would like Savya also to be free. Meet as two free individuals, meet as two freedoms. And let the meeting be there while the freedom lasts. When your meeting starts corrupting freedom, separate -- the time has come to say good-bye. Feel grateful for the days that you lived with the woman or with the man. Feel tremendously grateful that those days were made available to you through the other. Feel grateful for all that experience. But what can you do? With tears in your eyes, with gratitude, with love, with friendship, with compassion -- separate. The breeze is no longer blowing this way. What can you do? Feel helpless, but become separate. Don t cling, otherwise you will destroy each other.

If you really love the other person, the moment love has disappeared, you will make the other free. At least this much love is due... to make the other free, so that somewhere else, in some other pasture, love can flower and bloom. At least this much you can do for the other, that the love -- if it has disappeared between you -- can flower and bloom somewhere else with somebody else. Love is God -- it is irrelevant where it happens, between whom it happens -- between A and B, or C and D, or E and G. It is irrelevant where it happens.

If it happens, it is good. The world has become so loveless because we cling to people when love stops. The world will be so full of love if people don't cling and remain free.