Question 4

IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN GIVE YOU BACK?

Nothing, because that is what I give to you. I give you nothing, and only nothing can you give me back.

In fact, don't start thinking of giving me anything back, because I am not giving you anything. I am simply making you aware of things that you already have. You don't owe anything to me, not even a thank-you. If you thank me, that is simply generous of you, you are just being polite and gentlemanly; otherwise there is nothing. You don't owe anything to me. I have not given anything to you and I am not going to give anything to you, and nothing can be given, in the very nature of things.

In fact, if you are not angry at me, I will be happy enough. Because I take away many things. I don't give anything to you. I take away your ego, and I don't give anything instead. I take away a thousand and one things. And when those thousand and one things have been taken away, suddenly you become aware of that which has always been there from the very beginning.

So let me say it in this way: I give you that which you already have, and I take away things which you don't have but you think you have. I take away that which is not there but you believe is there. I take away your illusions.

But I cannot give reality. Reality is that which cannot be given; it is already there. I eliminate the illusion, and the reality is there. I simply give you back to yourself.

There is no need to be worried -- "Is there anything I can give you back.?" Just if you are not angry, that will be enough. If you can forgive me, that will be enough.

I know it is very difficult to forgive me. That is the greatest danger a Master takes on his shoulders. It is very difficult for the disciples to forgive him, and they are always watching from the corner of their eyes to find some fault. They are always waiting to find some loophole so they can jump upon it and they can say, "So, I have found the reality. This man is nothing," and they can go and condemn. It is a very dangerous game.

The disciples are continuously watchful. They are like spies, spying on the Master, if they can find something.

Just the other Question-Answer day, when I talked about Dr. Kovoor, two, three persons got almost mad about me. They have written letters that "Why did you do this? It is cheap!" And I go on telling you the cheap is the costly! And the trivial is the profound! And the world, the samsara, is nirvana! Do you hear me, or not? And they have demanded, almost it is a demand, that "You have to answer it, why you attacked him." I have not attacked him; I have attacked these three people who have written to me. What have I to do with Kovoor? He is not going to come here, I am not going to go there. We are not going to meet anyway. I have attacked these three persons, and I have got them, trapped them, they are trapped. I have attacked their idea of me.

One has written, "It is inconceivable that a man of your height should come so low." But who in the first place has told you that I am a man of height? You yourself project, and if your projections are destroyed, you are angry at me?

I go on repeating, just to be safe, that I am a very ordinary man. Otherwise you will hang me in the sky. You will say, "You are so high."

If you find me eating or if you find me taking a bath.... Do you know? In heaven there is no provision for God's bathroom. No provision. I have gone through all the scriptures.

Can you believe God farts? Impossible. So high, and farting? Belching? These things are good for human beings, not for gods.

Who has told you I am so high? But you project.

And I am not so foolish as to accept your projections. If you want to project such things, you will have to find some other people. You are not allowed to project anything on me. I will go on throwing it. I am not here to fulfill any of your expectations. That is the very trouble you have to tolerate with me. You would like me to be dead and sitting on a golden throne, and then you can worship me easily. But I am alive.

And I go on doing things that I like. I don't care what you think. If you are disturbed it is your problem; it is none of my business. Then you have to look into yourself and find ways not to be disturbed.

These things come again and again in your mind, and you don't see that they are YOUR problems.

Somebody else has asked, "Why do we have to pay money here?""I have no money," he says, "and I want to be here." But then who is going to pay for you? You will need money, you will need food, you will need a shelter, you will need clothes, sometimes you will be ill, you will need the hospital: who is going to pay for you? Now, he thinks that this ashram is money obsessed. If people who don't have money are allowed, then Laxmi will have to go even more money obsessed because for them also she will have to arrange. Just to avoid money obsession, money has to be arranged. There are many people who would like to be here, but then who is going to arrange for them? And if somebody else arranges for them, he will demand something in return.

The person says, "Even Christians don't ask for money; even they are not that bold." I know they are not that bold. They need not be; they have enough money. The Vatican has enough money; that is the richest party in the world. But then you have to pay -- not in money, money is there -- you have to pay with other things: you have to pay with your freedom.

Here I want you to be free. I don't want to hinder your freedom.

If you want to stay here without money, then I will have to ask some people who have money to give money to the ashram. But then they have their conditions. Then their conditions have to be fulfilled. Otherwise why should they give their money? They give money in return for something. Then you will not be free here. And I will not be free here. I will not be able to say what I want to say. Then they will dictate to me that this has to be said and this has not to be said.

Nobody is money obsessed. But the questioner is money obsessed: he has no money and he wants to be here. But what is money? Money is just that you have to pay for everything. You eat: you have to pay for it. You live: you have to pay for it. You need clothes: you have to pay for it.

And why should you not pay? Then somebody else will have to pay for you. Why exploit somebody else?

If you don't have money, then go and earn money and come back. YOU are money obsessed! But you think that Bhagwan is demanding money. It is your problem.

Somebody has said, "I can't see the point why I have to pay when I come to the lecture. When I have to pay ten rupees for the lecture, then I cannot think of you as God." So the price of thinking of me as God is ten rupees! If he does not have to pay, he will think of me as God. What do you think? You are trying to bribe me? Pay twenty rupees and think of me as the devil, perfectly okay!

Why should you not pay? Why should you like to exploit?

And this is my understanding, that you hear only when you pay; otherwise you don't hear. When you have nothing to pay, there is no need to hear. The more you pay, the more alert you are -- because those ten rupees are gone. If you don't listen it is your business; you remain a little alert. J know you are money-minded; those ten rupees will keep you awake.

And my godhood is not in danger, because I don't care what you think about me. That is not the point at all. It is not that you have made me a god. This is my declaration; it is not your recognition. If nobody believes in me, then too I am a god. If only I believe in me, that's enough. I don't need a single witness. This is MY understanding.

Then again, the moment you think that this man is Bhagwan, then he should behave in such a way and in such a way. Then he should be on a high pedestal. He should not behave like a human being.

Then you don't understand my concept of Bhagwan. My concept of Bhagwan is not that a Bhagwan is a special being, that a Bhagwan is a perfect being, that a Bhagwan is not of this world. My concept of Bhagwan is that God is a normal quality of existence. Just by being, you are God.

You are not a painter by just being. For painting, you will have to learn some skill, you will have to go to an art school. And then too your being a painter will depend on so many recognitions -- people will recognize, may not recognize; the critics will appreciate, may not appreciate; a thousand and one things. If you want to be a musician, just by being, you are not a musician. You will have to learn; this is something which has to be learned.

When I say God, I mean you ARE God, just by being. It is not a specialization.

Then what is the difference between me and you? The only difference is that I recognize my godhood and you don't recognize yours. Otherwise there is no distinction. I am as imperfect as you are! Then what is the difference between me and you? The difference is that I enjoy my imperfection and you don't enjoy yours, that I am perfectly happy with all my imperfections and you are not happy with yours. You have a notion of perfection and I have none. I am perfect in my imperfections. I have accepted them totally, in toto. I am not trying to improve myself; I am simply the way I am. And I am happy the way I am.

The day you are also happy the way you are, the day you are also happy with all your imperfections, you are God. You are still God, whether you recognize it or you don't recognize it, but you have your ideas about God, and then you project those ideas. And if, sometimes, they are shattered -- and they will be shattered again and again because I cannot keep to your expectations....

I am a free man. I live the way I live. And see the whole point: I am not expecting anything from you; still you go on expecting things from me. My whole effort here is to help you to be yourself, and your whole effort here is to make me something that you want me to be. Drop all this nonsense.

That's why I say even if you can forgive me, that will be enough. You need not even say a thank-you.

It is very difficult to be safe amongst disciples; hence I need bodyguards. Because a disciple has "surrendered," now he will take revenge. And of course, if he surrenders to me, he will take revenge on me. Where else will he go to take the revenge?

Watch all these tendencies in you.

It was not Kovoor, it was not my criticism of Kovoor, that has hurt you. It is your idea of me, it is your expectation of me, that is feeling hurt. So drop the expectations; otherwise you will feel hurt again and again -- I will find other Kovoors. Sometimes, even if they are not there, I can invent! But I am going to destroy all your expectations of me because if you cannot drop expectations about me, how can you drop expectations about yourself? It will be impossible.

And my whole work consists in a simple thing: to live a life without expectations, without hope, to live a life moment to moment, with no ideals.

Two men were chatting when the name of a mutual friend was mentioned. "Are you a friend of Harry's?" the first asked.

"Are we friends?" the man said. "Twenty years we are friends. There is nothing I would not do for Harry and there is nothing he would not do for me. In fact, for twenty years we have gone through life together, doing absolutely nothing for each other."