ENERGY BLOCKAGE REMOVAL
|2005 AND 2006|
VOL. 2, PHILOSOPHIA PERENNIS
There's No God Till You've Met Him
The third question
I HAVE SPENT ALL MY LIFE TRYING TO MEET SOMEBODY WHO WILL REALLY LOVE ME AND WHO WILL ACCEPT TO BE REALLY LOVED BY ME. ALL MY ATTEMPTS HAVE BEEN PAINFUL FAILURES AND I FEEL UTTERLY DESPERATE AND REJECTED. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? HOW CAN I FEEL THE LOVE INSIDE OF ME? HOW CAN I REALLY MEET AND LOVE MYSELF?
THE FIRST STEP WENT WRONG And once the first step goes wrong, your whole journey goes wrong. You started searching for somebody who will really love you -- that's where you went wrong.
The basic thing is to love yourself. If you love yourself you will find many many people who love you -- because a person who loves himself becomes lovely, lovable; he attains to a grace and dignity. The person who does not love himself remains ugly -- because if you DON'T love yourself, you hate. There is no other choice; you can't be just neutral.
Neutrality does not exist in life -- either you are this or you are that. If you don't love yourself, you hate yourself. And in that very hate you cripple yourself, you poison yourself -- how can you expect somebody to love you? If even you are not willing to love yourself, who is going to love you?
Remember the famous statement of the Jewish mystic, Hillel: "If you are NOT for yourself, then who is going to be for you?" And the other part of the statement is also beautiful: "If you are ONLY for yourself, then what is the meaning of your life?"
This is the polarity. You have to love yourself, that is your first obligation towards yourself. And the second thing is not to get lost in that self-love, otherwise your life will not have significance, it will not have meaning. When you are able to love yourself, then seek the other, then search for the other. And you will find! The whole earth is full of loving people, beautiful people. Just you were not beautiful, you were not flowing with love, you were not full of love; that's why you could not find anybody to love you.
And that happens to many people -- it is not only the case with you. Almost the majority suffers from the same problem. Everybody wants to be loved and nobody knows what love is, and nobody knows how to love himself.
Love is a great art! People learn how to paint, people learn how to play music; for years people practise playing music. Then slowly slowly they become capable of creating something beautiful. Love is the GREATEST beauty and the greatest phenomenon, and you never learn it. Everybody thinks that by just being born, you are capable of love. That is nonsense. Life is an opportunity to learn what love is. The potential is there, but the potential has to be transmuted into the actual.
It is like everybody is potentially capable of swimming, but that does not mean that you know what swimming is -- you will have to learn.
It may look paradoxical, but it is not. Meditate on this statement: One has to learn to be that which one is. Love is there! -- unrefined, like a diamond just found from the mines.
The greatest diamond in the world is the Kohinoor. When it was found, for months the person who had found it was not aware that he had become the richest man on the earth. He gave the diamond to the children to play with, because he thought it only a beautiful stone, not even semi-precious.
The children played with it; for months it remained with the children. And then only was it discovered: it was discovered by someone who knew what diamonds are -- a jeweller. Could not believe his eyes! He had never seen such a big stone, such a big diamond -- it is the biggest.
And then for centuries it has been refined and refined. Now it is only one third of the original weight. But the more it has been refined and polished, cut and polished, the more and more valuable it has become. Now the weight is one third, but the value is millions of times more.
That's what happens to love too: love is a diamond -- uncut, unpolished. You have to learn, and it is a great art. It is like playing music on your own heart. It is like learning a dance in your innermost soul -- a dance of energy. And only when you are dancing with great energy, and your heart is full of songs, and your soul is a symphony, will you be able to find somebody to love you.
When you are capable of sharing your energy, you will find somebody to love you.
You say: I HAVE SPENT ALL MY LIFE TRYING TO MEET SOMEBODY WHO WILL REALLY LOVE ME...
And what do you mean by 'really love me'? You must have an idea -- that is the second thing that went wrong. You have some idea of what real love is. You must be a perfectionist, and in life nothing is perfect. That's why things are beautiful! If in life things were perfect, life would have been utter boredom.
Bertrand Russell seems to be right when he says, "I would not like to go to heaven if there is any heaven, because there you will find only perfect people, and life will be utterly boring."
Just think of living with perfect people... everybody is perfect. That means there will be no growth any more, no evolution; nothing new will ever happen now. The people who live in heaven, if there is any heaven, must be STUCK with each other, bored, utterly bored, and there is no way to go anywhere else. Once you enter into heaven, you cannot escape; there is no exit.
Perfection creates a neurotic mind; the very idea of perfection is neurosis-creating.
Now, you must have some idea of real love. What do you mean by 'real love'? Love is love! There is no unreal love and there is no real love -- love is SIMPLY love. And love is enough unto itself; it need not be real, it need not be unreal. But people have ideas...
For example, somebody has the idea: if love is eternal then it is real -- that means you are in search of a roseflower which will never fade, will never wither. You will not find it. Or, if you ever find it, it will be a plastic rose. It cannot be alive.
The alive flower is there in the morning, dancing with the wind, whispering with the sun, playing with the butterflies... all joy! By the evening it is gone. The petals have fallen.... And tomorrow you will not find even a trace of where it came from and where it has gone. It came from nowhere, and into nowhere it has disappeared. And it was an alive flower.
Now people have very stupid ideas about love. One is that it has to be eternal; that prevents them. First they want to make everything sure -- whether this love is going to stay? Now how can you be sure? Nobody can guarantee it; there is no insurance for it. Today it may be there, and tomorrow it may be gone. And when tomorrow it is gone, DON'T say it was unreal, otherwise you have misunderstood the whole point.
The real is CONSTANTLY changing. Only the unreal stays; the real goes on changing. Reality is growth, continuous growth, non-ending growth. If there is anything permanent in life and existence, it is change. Except change, everything changes.
So don't say when your love disappears that it was unreal. You have a criterion, a very nonsense criterion, that things have to be permanent to be real.
This idea has tortured millions of people down the ages. And millions of people could not love because of this foolish idea. And I am not saying that love HAS to disappear tomorrow -- I am not saying that. It may disappear, it may not disappear. You have to be open about tomorrow.
There are roseflowers which may stay a little longer, and there are roseflowers which go very fast. And then it depends on the gardeners, it depends tremendously on the gardeners -- how you take care of it. It may stay a little while more. You need to have a green thumb, like Mukta. Mukta has a green thumb.
You have to be very alert; NOT serious -- very playful but yet alert. Love is a delicate phenomenon, very delicate. It is difficult to create it; it is very easy to destroy it. It is a VERY delicate note -- only a few guitar players can create it. It is a really delicate note. It is more silence than sound.
And if there is any sound in it, it is only to function as a backdrop for the silence, just to function as a contact.
You never learnt what love is -- you never learnt how to love yourself. And you started expecting somebody who will REALLY love you, and will accept you. Have you accepted yourself? It is very rare to come across a person who really accepts himself. People go on improving upon themselves, doing this and that; they are never satisfied with themselves.
And that's what you are being taught every day, from all the preachers of the world: Improve! Improve! But the idea of improvement means: never accept yourself, never feel contented with yourself, never enjoy yourself -- go on improving. So people become ladder-climbers. They know only one thing: how to go on climbing the ladder, and then when they reach the end of the ladder, they look very foolish and silly, because now the only art they know is how to go on climbing -- and the ladder is finished. They don't know anything else; they know only how to climb ladders. So they feel very stuck.
It always happens to people. Somebody has learnt how to accumulate wealth, and he goes on and on... and finally he has more than he had ever dreamt, and now he does not know what to do. He knows only one thing: how to accumulate.
Somebody goes on a power trip, becomes the prime minister of a country, and then he is stuck and looks very silly. Just look into the eyes of the successful politicians: they look very silly, stuck. The ladder is finished! They have become the prime minister or the president of the country; now there are no more rungs to the ladder. They know only one thing: how to go on climbing. They have climbed the whole ladder... now what to do? They are like dogs who run after every car, and when they overtake they look very foolish; then they don't know what to do....
Then suddenly they have arrived! and their whole life they have been thinking of arriving. Now they have arrived; they look very puzzled. They can't think a thing; their whole mind simply goes fuzzy, cloudy. Now the only thing that they do is to try to remain on this highest ladder -- because there are other climbers who are coming and pulling their legs and doing all kinds of things. So they cling to their chairs.
This happens to lovers too. You are in search of a beautiful woman or a beautiful man, and then one day you have found... and suddenly you are at a loss. You know only one art: how to search for a beautiful woman. You have searched... now there seems to be nothing else left.
Unless you know how to play on the inner heart the music whose name is love, the melody which is love, even if you find a beautiful person, nothing is going to happen. Immediately relationships turn sour; before the honeymoon ends, they are finished.
You say: I HAVE SPENT ALL MY LIFE TRYING TO MEET SOMEBODY WHO WILL REALLY LOVE ME, AND WHO WILL ACCEPT TO BE REALLY LOVED BY ME.
FIRST ONE HAS TO LEARN TO ACCEPT ONESELF And don't demand perfection in the other. Be human! Don't ask for inhuman perfections. You have been given very romantic ideas about love, and that has been the calamity. You are looking for romantic, poetic ideas. People are not ideas of some dreamer, poet; people are REAL people. And you are living on poetry! You think of the other in such ways that nobody can fulfill; everybody will fall short.
And just think: you wanted somebody to accept your love -- but did you accept somebody's love? No, you were looking for a perfect lover. But when you are looking for the perfect lover, remember the other is also looking for the perfect lover. You both have been conditioned by the same society.
I have heard, Ferrero, somebody just like you went to a Master and said, "I have been looking for a perfect woman -- my whole life."
And the Master said, "And did you find her or not?"
The man looked very sad; he said, "Yes, I did."
"Then what happened?" the Master asked. "Then why are you looking so sad?"
And the man said, "But she was looking for a perfect man."
You are conditioned by the same society, by the same romantic ideas. You have been fed on foolish poetry which has no relationship with reality. In fact, my own experience is this: that poets are the last people from whom you can learn about love -- the last persons. Your so-called poets have nothing to do with love. They have not known love themselves; their poetry is simply a substitute for the love that has been missed by them; their poetry is their dreams, their poetry is NOT based on their experience.
And we have been fed continuously on this poetry.
My own experience of the poets is that they have become poets because they could not be lovers. So whatsoever they could not do, they write about. Their poetry is really nothing but the dreams of people who are hungry. Just as if you go on a fast, in the night you will dream about delicious foods. Their poetry is nothing but the dreams of people who have never tasted love. And, naturally, to compensate they go on creating better and better dreams.
Their poetry is sick, it is pornographic. It triggers your imagination, it gives you fantasies. And real people are real people! -- nobody is here to fulfill your fantasies. Drop your fantasies, and you will see the world is FULL of beautiful people.
And if you want to be accepted, first accept yourself, and then accept somebody's love. Fulfill these conditions -- and you will be accepted. And don't ask for the impossible.
You must have lived in a very negative mind; this is the mind of negativity. Be a little more positive.
A New England village once boasted of two characters -- an official mean man who never did a good deed if it was possible to do a mean one, and an official optimist who never had been heard to speak evil of any human.
In the fullness of time the bad man died. On the day of his funeral the usual crowd gathered at the post office to await the distribution of the mail. Naturally, the life and works of the late lamented came under discussion.
The deceased was painted as a miser, a liar, a thief, a scandal-monger, and a backbiter. The optimist, who was present, listened in silence. At length one of the group turned to him.
"Say, Gid," demanded the other man, "ain't everything we've said about that old scoundrel the truth? Can you name one deserving trait he ever showed?"
"Well," said the optimist, "you boys will have to admit that he certainly could play a harmonica."
Be a little more positive and you will find something beautiful even in the meanest person. Be negative, and you will find something ugly even in the most beautiful person. Now, if you want to live in a world of ugly people, be negative, and you will make the whole world ugly. It is your mind that will create ugliness all around, because you will be looking only for the ugly, only for the negative, only for the wrong. You will live in hell -- this is what hell is. The negative mind creates hell: the positive mind creates heaven. With the positive mind... THIS VERY EARTH THE PARADISE, THIS VERY BODY THE BUDDHA.
It ALL depends on you, how you look, with what eyes you look.
The Yankee farmer was being examined by the doctors preparatory to taking out an insurance policy.
"Ever had a serious illness?" asked the examiner.
"No," was the reply.
"Ever had an accident?"
"Never had a single accident in your life?"
"Well, no, I ain't . But last spring when I was out in the meadow, a bull tossed me over a fence."
"Well, don't you call that an accident?"
"No, I don't. That damn bull did it on purpose."
It depends on you how you look at life; it totally depends on you. You are the creator of your life. It can have tremendous meaning, beauty, joy -- but you will have to create it in your heart, and you will have to spread it all over the place. You will have to create something in yourself, only then will you find it in existence.
Existence echoes you....