Chapter 15

Question 1



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The first question

Question 1




MY LOVE is not conditional. Love cannot be conditional --  either it is or it is not. It is not caused by anything, hence nothing can disturb it. But you know something else in the name of love: you know only infatuation, attraction, lust. Your love is nothing but a subtle strategy to exploit the other, hence it is bound to disappear sooner or later -- and you will find enough reasons why it disappears.

But my love is not a relationship. I love you because I am love. Even if I want to I cannot unlove you.

What Somendra does, what he says, how he behaves does not matter at all as far as my love is concerned -- his doings and sayings are absolutely irrelevant. My love continues and will continue. And that is the only hope for him, because he is a tremendously intelligent person and he has tasted something of my love; he has known his heart opening up a few times. One time he was very close, very close, but missed only by inches. One can come to the abyss and can turn back. One step more and he would have been what he is now pretending to be.

Hence he will miss me, immensely he will miss me, and sooner or later he will be back. And I will invite him back whenever the time is ripe, whenever I feel that this is the time for him to put his ego aside and come back home. But I will have to wait for the right moment. It is difficult to find the right moment, it is very easy to miss it.

Gautam the Buddha used to say that life is like a vast palace with thousands of doors. All the doors are closed except one. And a blind man on a dark, dark night has lost his way in the palace. There is nobody who can show him the way out; all the guards are gone, the palace is utterly empty. He stumbles, gropes, he tries to find the way out, and he passes thousands of closed doors. Slowly slowly  -- and naturally -- he becomes convinced that no door is open.

And then suddenly he comes to the door which is open. But he has tried and touched and groped and always found ten thousand doors closed. He feels so tired, exhausted, that he thinks, "This door is also going to be closed. Why bother?" And he passes the door without making an effort to see whether it is closed or open. Again he will have to pass thousands of doors. One never knows when the next opportunity will be when he will come back to this door which is open.

And any small excuse -- just an itching in the head --  and he can miss it. He can start scratching his head and he can miss it. Just a thought in the mind, and he can become distracted and he can miss it. A fly can distract him; a noise, a dog barking somewhere outside is enough.

This story Buddha has repeated many times because it is so true about life. And Somendra has missed the open door this time. I will have to wait for the next time when he is again close to it. But man remains always unpredictable; nobody can say anything about it, when the next moment Will come -- just the next moment may be the moment or it may take years. But love is always open, always ready to take you back.

And I was aware of certain things which were going wrong in him. That's why I told him to go to the West, because it was becoming difficult for him here. He was boiling with negativity inside and there was no possibility to express it here. I have sent him to the West so he can cathart -- this is just part of catharsis. Soon he will realize it because he is not a stupid person; soon he will realize where he has gone wrong. And the moment he realizes it I will call him back.

Another question has been asked about Somendra by Prabhu Maya. She says: "Osho, you keep telling us that we are enlightened and all we need to do is to become aware of it. So what is wrong with Somendra declaring himself enlightened and dropping sannyas?"

Maya, I keep telling you that you are enlightened -- but you are not to believe me. You have to experience it. And if you experience it you cannot drop sannyas; it is impossible. Because you experienced it through sannyas, how can you drop it? You will be immensely grateful to it. And if you experience what I am saying to you, you will not be in a hurry to declare it; in fact, you will hide it, you will wait for me to declare it. There is no need for you to declare it. The moment one becomes enlightened there is nobody to declare it; there is no desire to declare it.

And that's what Somendra was trying here in every possible way. He was restless; he was trying and asking me in direct and indirect ways to declare him enlightened. But how can I declare unless you have experienced it? When he experienced satori I did declare it. But there is a difference between satori and samadhi.

Satori means only a glimpse, a faraway glimpse. Satori is a Japanese word, very beautiful, untranslatable, but it can be described. It is like on an open day when there are no clouds you can see in the sun the Himalayan peaks, the virgin snow on the peaks shining like silver or gold, from thousands of miles away. You are seeing the truth, but the distance between you and the truth is there -- you are not it. This is satori. Seeing the truth but not being it is satori.

Then there is the Sanskrit word samadhi which is also untranslatable. Samadhi means being the truth: where the knower and the known become one, where the experienced and the experiencer are one. It is no more a question of an open, unclouded day, it is no more a question of the sunlit peaks rising high in the sky. You are it! -- not even the distance of a single inch.

Chuang Tzu says: Even the distance of a hair is enough, and heaven and earth fall apart. Just the distance of a hair  -- not much at all, almost negligible -- but it is enough to separate earth from heaven. When even that much difference is not there, one is enlightened.

Somendra has not yet experienced it. He has immense desire to experience it -- that desire is becoming a cause of his misery. That desire is the hindrance, because to desire anything means you are in the mind. All desires are in the mind, even the desire for God, the desire for enlightenment, the desire for truth, for freedom -- all desires. Desire as such is part of the mind. And mind is the barrier, not the bridge.

The last desire to leave is the desire for enlightenment. And, of course, because it is the last desire it becomes very intense. All the energies involved in all other desires -- for money, power, prestige, et cetera -- all become concentrated on a single desire, the desire for enlightenment. It imprisons more than any other desire because aU other desires are divided: there are many millions of desires, and your energy is fragmented. But the desire for enlightenment, your whole energy pours into it. It is the thickest and the strongest chain that keeps you imprisoned, and it is the last to give way.

And that desire is surrounding him very deeply. He has come to the last desire, and that is a great advancement, that is a great achievement. It is no mean achievement, mind you; it is one of the greatest achievements, to come to a single desire. In a way it is very strong; that is its danger. In another way, because it is only one desire and you have been able to drop so many desires, you can drop it too. But because of this desire to become enlightened he is getting caught.

I feel very much for him because he is one of those few sannyasins who were coming close to the ultimate. I hope that soon he will understand the mistake.

Prabhu Maya, your question shows something about you too. It is not really about Somendra -- Somendra is just an excuse. The way you have formulated the question shows something about you. You say: "You keep telling us that we are enlightened and all we need to do is to become aware of it. So what is wrong with Somendra declaring himself enlightened and dropping sannyas?"

Both these desires must be in you too: to declare yourself enlightened and to drop sannyas. In the name of Somendra you are trying to defend something unconscious in you. Become aware of it. Nothing is wrong in being enlightened, but Somendra is not yet enlightened -- I know him far more deeply than he knows himself. Nothing is wrong in dropping sannyas -- many people drop sannyas and I don't care a bit. But about Somendra I do care, because he was so close. Just the last rung of the ladder... and he has dropped the ladder.

If the person who has not even started the journey drops, who cares? He is not even on the path and he drops. In fact, he is not dropping anything because he has nothing. But Somendra had something precious. And dropping sannyas iS not just dropping sannyas; it is disconnecting yourself from me. And all that has happened to him has happened through the connection. I am still connected, but from his side something has gone wrong.

It is like when you phone somebody: from your side everything is clear -- you can hear the other person -- but from his side something is wrong -- he cannot hear you. Communication becomes impossible.

That's what has happened: from my side everything is clear, from my side everything is as it has always been --  the same love, even a little more, if a little more is possible. But from his side he has put down the phone. He will realize it soon and he will see that he has harmed himself. But sometimes it happens: unknowingly, unconsciously, one can become a victim of some deeprooted desire. And the desire for enlightenment is in everybody.

Enlightenment simply means becoming full of awareness, and he is not yet full of awareness. Yes, once in a while like a breeze the awareness comes to him, and in those moments one can be befooled and deceived, but it has not become his state. If it had become his state there would have been no restlessness in him for it to be recognized or for declaring it. When I am here to declare your enlightenment, you need not.

And it is impossible to drop sannyas after enlightenment -- you will feel so grateful that doing such an ungrateful act is inconceivable.


Next: Chapter 15: Question 2


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Chapter 15






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