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|Discipleship in the New Age II - Personal Instructions to Disciples - I.S.G-L.|
MY BELOVED BROTHER:
I would like to start my communication to you with a clear and definite statement: You are in process of taking some of the final tests which precede the taking of the second initiation. For that reason, I feel the need of writing to you with clarity, of bringing you some measure of comfort and of strength, and of indicating certain steps which - if you will take them - may hasten the process.
Yet I feel very great difficulty in approaching you, though not for the usual reasons. Oft a Master cannot at some particular time reach a disciple because he is surrounded with too much activity, or with activities of the wrong kind; in some cases, the thought-life of the disciple has created so many thought-forms that temporarily he cannot be reached;  or again, he is absorbed in some form of service which he deems essential and which looms larger in his consciousness than the work of the Ashram with which he is affiliated. These, however, are not the things which hinder an easy contact with you. What do hinder are the results in your consciousness, at this particular stage, of the tests of the initiation themselves. It is the emotional glamor which has engulfed you, and freedom from glamor has to be demonstrated at the second initiation; it is the intense awareness you experience, at this time, of yourself - the central factor. This again is a necessary but distressing prelude to this initiation. This glamor comes between you and me. The self-awareness comes also between you and the Ashram, as well as between you and the group which you have gathered around you upon the physical plane.
Having read this far, will you, brother of mine, continue? There is some probability that you will not. You may take the position (I say not you will) that you repudiate as false all relations to glamor. You may declare that it touches you not, which assertion itself would indicate that it does. Your deeply seated sense of spiritual superiority to your group (an attitude which is sadly affecting them) may prevent your listening to me, your friend and brother for many years - nay, lives. I would, however, ask you to read what I have to say; perchance I may throw light upon your problems and aid you to take the initiation which was your destined goal this life, but which you may yourself postpone until the next. For this postponement there is no need, if you grasp the significance of what is happening in your life at present.
The second initiation is a profoundly difficult one to take. For those upon the first or second rays of aspect it is probably the most difficult of them all. The astral nature is deeply self-centered, and this the inflow of soul energy in the initiatory period intensifies; it is endowed with acute emotionalism and swift response to glamor. Where there is so much first ray energy to be found (as in your case) there will be a strong conviction of destiny, a pronounced sense of power, and the feeling that you can see through people from a superior position - so that their faults and failures  and their little human failings loom large in your consciousness.
You are at this time in a state of intensely irritable sensitivity to all and sundry; you are overwhelmed by acute glamor. All that is in you of a first ray quality is drawn to the surface and conditioning all your contacts. Your soul ray of outgoing love is not much seen, and there is little love shown by you to your brothers in the Ashram or to the members of your own group.
You may here ask me at this point how I know this to be so and why I emphasize to you this knowledge. You have been taught by me that the Masters concern not themselves with the personality details of a disciple's life expression; therefore, why do I concern myself with what is happening to you? Those are just questions and I will answer them.
I concern myself with your problems because you are taking the second initiation and - because of its intense difficulty - I have watched over you for the past four years with more than usual care. I know the inner turmoil, the self-recriminations and the self-rationalizing, the deep subjective discontent, the longing to be free, and the atmosphere of acute suffering in which you live. Your spiritual morale is not high because your solar plexus is wide open - responsive to every astral suggestion, disturbed by world pain as well as by your own, in a state of irritation and constant inner explosion over your brothers in the Ashram and over the members of your own group. Many of the latter are also of an emotional type, for forget not, my brother, we draw to ourselves those who respond to our major quality at any given time and - at this time - yours is emotional.
I would remind you that the emotion to which I refer in connection with you is not that of the ordinary person. You are confronted with the emotion which the second initiation stirs up. This is a very different matter. You should realize, therefore, that my rating of you is high. It is a spiritual rating and has nothing to do with the rating of yourself behind which you hide your hurt and suffering soul and which you seek to impose upon your students everywhere. My rating is true, and you will weather these stormy waters and arrive in  the quiet land of realities, free from all emotion, yet at the same time, full of unimpeded love. This is the reward of perseverance throughout the tests and trials of the second initiation.
What I am seeking to do is to help, to indicate the nature of the tests and point out to you the reason why these tests and trials have overtaken you. Everything may seem to fail you - your knowledge of psychology, your groups of students, your friends and your brothers in the Ashram. Think not that this indicates the fourth initiation, the Crucifixion. That initiation has to be faced clear-eyed, free from glamor, with a heart full of love and a mind released from all criticism. For this, the second initiation prepares the disciple. Today, you know you are full of emotion and that it almost sweeps you off your feet at times; you know you are more prone to criticism than not; and you know that under the influence of glamor you oft wield the weapon of speech in a destructive manner and not constructively; you know that - deep within yourself - you are not satisfied with the work you do or the words you write.
The book you have lately published I have psycho-metrised and find it to be sixth ray in nature; it will prove most helpful to probationary disciples, and they need such help; it will not help disciples, for it deals with that which they know well. The call went out to you from the Ashram to write upon the theme of Shamballa, the center where the will of God is known and from whence the love of God flows forth. This you rejected, owing to the emotional turmoil in which you found yourself. Yet I had a purpose and a reason in suggesting this theme. It was not just to have a book which would be of service to disciples, but because it was essential - as part of the preinitiation tests for you - to bring in some of the Shamballa force to your consciousness. It was the impact of this Shamballa force (which you can touch and to which you can intelligently respond) which was the main factor in bringing to the surface all the latent emotion and all the glamor which are today enveloping you. As you considered the theme of Shamballa (and later rejected my suggestion to write upon it) you brought yourself  in contact with the energy emanating from Shamballa. Yet, my brother, had you occupied yourself with my suggestion and dealt with the theme The Way into Shamballa much of that Shamballa force would have been transmuted along constructive lines and creative endeavor, and your condition would not be what it is today.
You may well ask here: If all this is so, what then shall I do? Have I failed in the tests for initiation? What do you suggest?
Most certainly you have not failed. You are at the climax or peak of the testing period. The only point to be determined is: Can you overcome in this life and free yourself from astral control, or will the tests be prolonged until next life?
These are questions which only you can answer. In order to answer them you should enter into a cycle of intense quiet and - if possible - of peaceful normality. Can you free yourself for two years, my brother, and at the end stand free? You would be well advised to do this; you should relinquish your groups and stand alone. At present you are not working along new age lines, for your work is along the old lines - of superior teachers, gathering their groups around them, of mystery where there is no mystery, because there is no mystery in esoteric teaching, and this is a lesson which you sorely need to learn, and of criticism (openly critical) of the student, which is sadly lacking in love. No new age teacher gathers a group around himself, exacting their loyalty and obedience, nor does he shut the door to other aspects of truth, as you have done. He offers the teaching, and regards himself as only a student.
So I would urge you to give up your group for two or three years (you can later resume it and with power) and study the handling of energy for yourself - free from emotion, desire for recognition, and in response to human need. I would also urge upon you a meditation, built around the words:
You would profit greatly. Seek to find me and walk with me in my Ashram, where your soul ray will be fostered into greater expression and your personality rays will retire into the background. If you have the strength to do this you will - at the close of the period of self-imposed discipline - enter into a cycle of very great usefulness. I foresaw this cycle of useful work when I first contacted you. There is still time for this emergence into wider world service. It need not be postponed until next life.
You have suffered much, my brother, and have few to whom you can go. My love and my blessing are around you always and I have held you specially close lately during these difficult postwar days. Disciples such as you react not only to their own tests and problems, but also to those of suffering humanity. You will find me near when you need me.
NOTE: This disciple chose to withdraw from the Tibetan's group and, until the close of his life in 1953, carried on his own established line of service.
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