Question 1

THERE ARE MOMENTS WHEN I FEEL NO HOPE, WITHOUT FEELING DESPERATE, WHEN THERE IS RECOGNITION THAT THE "I" HAS FOUGHT ENOUGH AND CANNOT HELP ANYMORE. YET UNDER THESE MOMENTARY COVERS LINGERS THE ONE AND ONLY LONGING: TO BECOME MY REAL NATURE, TO EXPERIENCE TRUTH AND TO LIVE IT IN THE WORLD. MY MIND PLEASES ITSELF TO CALL THIS LONGING AN AUTHENTIC, GENUINE THIRST. HOWEVER, THE SUSPICION IS THERE THAT IT IS JUST A WAY TO HIDE MY PLAIN GREED.

THE QUESTION IS FROM GUNAKAR. Yes, Gunakar, it is a way to hide the greed. And not only that, it is a way to avoid the real. It is not a thirst for the real; it is a way to escape from the real. All greed, all desire, is an escape from the real. The desire is for that which is not. That which is already there; you need not be greedy about it, you need not desire it. Whether you desire or not does not make any difference. It is there. By desiring, you will miss, because you will create a cloud around yourself.

This is how the mind goes on playing games. It can play the game in the name of reality too, in the name of God, in the name of enlightenment, nirvana.

One thing has to be remembered always, that you are not to become real, you are real. That which you are is the reality. Gunakar has said: Only one longing lingers, to become my real nature. But then who are you? You are your real nature. What else can you be? How else can you be? There is no way to go away from your reality. There is no way to go against it. There is no way to be anything else other than it.

But you can forget about it. You can start looking in some other direction. All that is possible is to be forgetful. You cannot lose contact with reality; you can only forget it. You can start looking in some other direction. You can put it at the back. You can avoid your eyes. You can pretend that you are not the real.

The first thing: you are the real. Whatsoever you are is your reality. It has not to be attained; it is already there. It has happened. Nirvana is not somewhere in the future. Either it is now or never. To seek it is to miss it. If you want to find it, don't seek it. Just be herenow. And when I say just be herenow, don't make a desire out of it. Don't start asking how to be here and now. Don't start planning that "I have to work hard to be here and now." You have moved away; that "how" takes you away.

You are your real nature. This is the great declaration of Zen. Other religions say you have to find God. Zen says you are. Other religions say long is the journey. Zen says there is no question of any journey whatsoever. You are already there! Maybe fast asleep, snoring, but you are there. The goal is where you are. You are the goal, you are the target.

You want "to experience truth and to live it in the world". That's what you are already doing. Drinking tea you are living the truth. Talking to a friend you are living the truth. Going for a morning walk you are living the truth. Even being angry you are living the truth. How can it be otherwise?

The ordinary is the extraordinary, and the trivial is the profound. The samsara is nirvana.

It is just a question of remembering.

"... to become my real nature, to experience truth and to live it in the world". That's what you are doing, Gunakar. Just the mind goes on playing a game. The mind says things can be better. The mind says life can be improved upon. The mind says there must be something more, you must be missing something -- seek, search, do something. This is greed, and the greed is so subtle that it can hide in millions of ways. It can even start trying not to be greedy. Now, listening to me, your mind will say, "Right. Now I am not to be greedy at all because it is greed that is destroying my life. So I have to get rid of greed." Again the greed has come, from the back door_

"It was deep in the woods back yonder," began old Herman, the guide. "I was plodding along minding my own business when suddenly a huge bear sneaked up behind me. He pinned my arms to my sides and started to squeeze the breath out of me. My gun fell out of my hands. First thing you know, the bear had stooped down, picked up the gun, and was pressing it against my back."

"What did you do?" gasped the tenderfoot.

Old Herman sighed. "What could I do? I married his daughter."

But the bear or the daughter, it makes no difference. It is the same.

Just be aware of the ways of the greed. Don't try to get rid of it. Don't try to do anything. Just be aware of how greed takes a thousand and one forms. Watch it. There is no hurry.

And you are not losing anything. You are living the truth. You cannot lose, in the very nature of things. We are all winners. Here nobody can be a loser. God has managed the world in such a way. That's why mystics say this i3 the most perfect world. God has managed it in such a way that everybody is a winner, nobody is a loser. Everybody is a victor, nobody is ever defeated. Even in your defeat there is victory, and even when you think you are lost you are not lost. It is all dream. The day you become awake you will find you have never been outside your home, you have always been there.

The only thing is to become more and more alert. Just watch. You see greed arising in one way, watch it. Don't try to stop it; otherwise it will arise in another way. It may choose just the opposite so it can deceive you. Don't do anything to it; otherwise it will find another way. No need to fight with it. Just watch it, let it be there. Watch it. See it naked, through and through.

Awareness functions like an X-ray. It sees things through and through, and in that very seeing there is freedom. If you have seen the greed totally, in that very seeing greed disappears. Not that you make it disappear. It disappears. In that vision it is not found. In that light that darkness is no more there. Suddenly you are free of greed.

And when you are free of greed you know you have never left the home, you have always been there. You have never left God. Adam has never been expelled from the garden of Eden. He still lives there; he just dreams that he has been expelled. This is the Zen interpretation of the biblical story.

I must have given you a thousand interpretations about the story. The story is so beautiful. Zen says Adam is still living in the garden of Eden. The snake has not tricked him into sin. The snake has only tricked him into a dream. And God has not expelled him. How can God expel you? And to where can he expel you? It is all his garden. Where will you be? Wherever you will be it will be his garden, so to where can he expel you? And how can God expel? Expelling Adam, God will be expelling himself, a part of himself. He will fall into parts. No, it is not possible.

Then what has happened? Adam has fallen asleep. Eating the fruit of the tree of knowledge, Adam has fallen asleep and is dreaming that God is very angry. It is his own dream. It is his own idea. It is his own guilt. It is his own mind, that "I have broken the rule," that "I had promised, and I have broken my promise." Now he is trembling and feeling guilty, and in the sleep the guilt is creating a dream that God is very angry. He is projecting his guilt on God. His guilt is becoming God's anger, in his mind. Naturally God must be very angry, and he is expelling him, and he has expelled him. The gates are closed, and Adam is thrown into the world.

But it is just a dream. The moment Adam becomes awake, he will laugh. He will have an uproarious laugh. He will roll down on the ground. His belly will start bursting with the laughter because he will see the whole absurdity of it: he had never been out.

Have you not dreamed dreams like this? In a dream you are being killed, and in that moment when you are being murdered, can you doubt it? It is so real. You shriek, you scream, and because of the shriek and the scream you become alert, you become aware. The dream is broken. Even after the dream your heart is beating louder, your breath is not in rhythm, your hands are shaking. You know now it was a dream, a nightmare, you are sitting in your bed and there is nobody, just your poor wife sleeping by your side -- no murderer -- the doors are closed, everything is silent, there has been nobody in the room, nobody was murdering you; but still you are trembling. The fear has been so deeply there, the idea of murder has penetrated so deeply in you, that even when you are awake, a little smoke of it continues to be there. But now you know you have never been out of the room and nobody is trying to murder you, there is nobody.

This is what I say to you. You are still in the garden of Eden. God has not expelled you. You have fallen asleep.