Zen

NIRVANA: THE LAST NIGHTMARE

Chapter 6: Taking the risk

Question 1

 

 

Energy Enhancement                Enlightened Texts                Zen                 Nirvana: The Last Nightmare

 

 

Question 1

IN THE BEGINNING YOU TOLD ME WHAT I HAD TO DO. IT WAS HARD. NOW YOU TELL ME THAT I CAN DECIDE FOR MYSELF, THAT I CAN DO WHAT I FEEL. THIS IS HARD TOO. I AM AFRAID OF MAKING A WRONG DECISION. PLEASE EXPLAIN.

THESE are the only two possibilities: either you surrender -- and in that surrender you stop thinking about decisions, consequences; in your surrender you have surrendered the responsibility itself, and you are totally free... free to move without any worry, without any burden on your mind.... But that is difficult because of the ego. You cannot surrender totally. You would like to control your life on your own. It becomes hard for the ego.

The second possibility is that you take things in your own hands -- do whatsoever you like to do. Again the problem arises, because you don't have any awareness. You don't know what to do and what not to do. Then you are afraid of making a wrong decision. Then you are afraid of moving in a wrong direction.`The ego is there, and with the ego, the shadow of the ego -- the ignorance -- is there. they both go together, or, they remain together. If you drop the ego, ignorance disappears. If you drop ignorance, ego disappears -- they cannot exist separately.

So these are the two paths. Either you surrender -- the ego has to be dropped; then by and by you will feel the shadow has disappeared on its own accord. Or, you have to become more aware, more alert, so that more light is within your being and ignorance disappears.

When the ignorance disappears, ego disappears automatically. Ego and ignorance are two aspects of the same coin. You can throw the coin in both the ways.

But one decision you have to take -- either to drop the ego or to drop the ignorance. And if it is difficult to drop the ego, then it is going to be very difficult to drop the ignorance.

These are the two eternal paths -- the path of will and the path of surrender. In surrender, the I is completely dropped. On the path of will, the I is purified, cleaned of all impurities, is made transparent. It becomes a light unto itself.

But one decision you have to make -- either to follow the path of will or to follow the path of surrender.

The path of surrender is easier, because it can become a total jump in a single step. The journey of a thousand and one miles is complete in a single step. The path of will is gradual -- you move inch by inch. But if you choose that, if you like that, there is nothing wrong in it. It is up to you to decide.

Of course, both are hard. And whatsoever you choose will appear more hard than the one that you have not chosen. But nothing can be done; one has to choose sooner or later. You have to commit your being to a certain path.

The only wrong that you can do is to remain indecisive. The only sin that you can commit with yourself is to remain indecisive and postpone.

Don't be indecisive. Decide. Even if sometimes you commit mistakes, nothing is wrong in them. By committing mistakes you will learn much. Nobody learns without committing mistakes. Even if you go astray, don't be afraid. Go with courage. Go alert. Sooner or later you will realize that you have gone astray. You can come back.

And whenever you come back after wandering, committing many mistakes, you will see that your consciousness has been enriched. If you simply sit in your home and never move because of the fear that something may go wrong, you may do something wrong; if you remain tethered to the place where you are, of course you will not commit any mistakes, but your life will be a life of unfulfillment. You can avoid mistakes, but in avoiding mistakes you will be avoiding all those beautiful experiences that life can give to you. miS is an escape.

Be courageous. Have the courage to be.

There are many people, millions of people, who simply miss their life because of the fear that something may go wrong. And this is the only wrong, the only mistake. They go on hiding, they go on escaping from situations. Wherever they find a possibility of a wrong movement, they stop all movement. They never grow. They remain immature.

There is nothing wrong in committing mistakes. Just remember one thing: don't commit the same mistake again and again; that's enough. Each mistake brings a lesson. Each going astray is coming to the right path in a deep way.

I have heard one anecdote:

"Two jews were up against the wall, hands tied behind their backs, waiting to be shot. The officer in charge of the firing-squad came to them and asked curtly, 'Do you want a final cigarette?'

The first jew replied, 'Keep your cigarette, you murdering bum!'

Whereupon the second jew whispered anxiously, 'Quiet, Jack, quiet. Don't make trouble."'

When you are going to be shot, what difference does it make to create trouble or not to create trouble?

Death is approaching. Everybody is tied against the wall to be shot. Don't be afraid. Whether you are afraid or not makes no difference -- death is approaching. Even if you don't do anything, death will come -- it is already coming. The days are shortening every day. Your life is being cut every day. You are being uprooted from life every day.

For what are you waiting? Do something. Be decisive.

I know it is human to tremble when a decision is to be taken. I can understand the helplessness, but nothing can be done about it. It is so. Whenever you take a decision, a trembling comes -- one may be wrong. But still the decision has to be taken. One may be wrong -- still the decision has to be taken, because how is one going to know whether the decision was going to be wrong or not? You have to take it to know it.

People come to me and they say they are wavering whether to take sannyas or not. I can understand wavering, I can understand an inner turmoil. I can understand that it is difficult to take a step in the dark, into the unknown.

But I tell them only one thing: you have lived up to now as a non-sannyasin... uncommitted you have moved, lived your life, and have never taken a decision which can become a radical transformation. Try it this time. If nothing happens, you can always go back. Who can hinder you from going back? But if something happens... just the possibility of something happening is worth the risk. Who knows?

And there is no other way to know beforehand. That is the cowardly mind -- who wants everything guaranteed. They ask me, 'Will something happen certainly if I become a sannyasin?'

Who can say? How can it be made certain? It is not a thing that I can give to you. It is something which is always in the unknown. It can happen, it may not happen. It depends on a thousand and one things. But the possibility is there. It is not impossible -- this much can be said. It has happened to me. This much can be said -- it is not impossible. But nobody can make it a certainty, nobody can give you a guarantee.

The western mind particularly has become too afraid of committing. You love a woman, but you are afraid to commit. You love a man, but you are afraid to commit. You remain in indecisiveness. You go on playing, but you never move in the deep waters of life, because then you are afraid you may be caught: it may become a bondage, it may become a chain around your being. You may be imprisoned.

That risk has to be taken. Whenever you move in anything deep, the possibility is there: you may become more free or you may become more imprisoned. But one who takes the risk always learns something out of it, always is enriched.

So decide. Either you take everything in your hands, or you leave everything to me. It cannot be fifty-fifty. You would like to leave a part to me and to keep part in your own hands -- that is not going to work. That is not going to work at all.

I have a friend. He is very satisfied with his marriage, with his wife. I asked, 'How do you manage?'

He said, 'The day we got married we made a contract, we made an agreement: fifty-fifty -- half the decisions I have to take, and half the wife has to take.'

So I asked him, 'How did you divide?'

He said, 'All the great decisions I take, and all the small decisions she takes.'

I was still not clear, so I asked again, 'Just enlighten me a little more.'

He said, 'Decisions like what should happen in Vietnam, or who should now become the prime minister of China -- such great things I decide. And to what school the child is to go, and what type of car we have to purchase, and in what type of house we have to live, and what food we have to eat -- things, small things like this -- my wife decides. Fifty-fifty it goes -- and everything is perfectly good.'

So if you make this type of agreement with me then it is okay. If great things you decide and small things you leave to me, then it is perfectly okay. Then you can decide whether the god exists as three or as one -- I leave it to you. But how to meditate, I will decide... small things.

 

Next: Chapter 6: Taking the risk, Question 2

 

Energy Enhancement                Enlightened Texts                Zen                 Nirvana: The Last Nightmare

 

 

Chapter 6

 

 

 

 
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