Sufism, Vol. 1 Sufis: The People Of The Path Chapter 8: A Certain Milieu, Question 4

The fourth question:

Question 4

WHY IS IT SO DIFFICULT TO FIND ONESELF?

Because you have been turned outwards. Your eyes have become paralysed. They can only see the without. You cannot turn back. Your neck is no longer flexible. You cannot go into your being; all that you know takes you outside.

You are very, very efficient in thinking -- thinking takes you outside. To go in, to know oneself, non-thinking is needed. Now that seems impossible. The whole life's training in thinking has become such a fixed structure inside you that even when you don't need to think, you go on thinking. You would like to sit silently but the mind goes on chattering. You have practised that chattering too long. It has gone into your blood. That's why it looks difficult, otherwise it is the easiest thing in the world. It has to be the easiest because you are closer to yourself than anything else. If you want to know somebody else it is a long journey. If you want to know God one never knows where he is hiding and where to find him and what his address is.

But if you want to know yourself there should be no problem at all. You ARE yourself. If you cannot know even this -- where you already are, where you exist -- then what else can you do and what else can you know? Self-knowledge should be the easiest thing.

But it has become difficult because you have been trained to focus your eyes on the outside.

I have heard....

Sherlock Holmes arrived in heaven. The angels turned out en masse to meet him. The Lord himself descended from his throne to bid him welcome.

'Holmes,' he said, 'we have a little mystery up here that you may be able to help us solve. Adam and Eve seem to have disappeared. Nobody has been able to locate them for aeons. If you could possibly uncover them for us....'

Holmes darted to the fringe of the assemblage and hauled two frightened and surprised angels before the Lord. 'Here they are,' he said.

Adam and Eve admitted their identities. 'We got tired of being stared at and asked for autographs by every dam new angel who came up here,' they explained. 'We assumed aliases and these simple disguised and got away with them for centuries until this smarty-pants ferreted us out.'

'How did you do it?' marvelled the Lord.

'Elementary, my dear Lord,' said Holmes. 'They were the only two who had no navels.'

Yes, to know oneself is very elementary. It is not difficult. It can't be difficult. You have just to unlearn the ways. You need not learn anything to know who you are, you have only to unlearn a few things.

First, you have to unlearn being concerned with things; second, you have to unlearn being concerned with thoughts; and the third thing happens on its own accord -- witnessing.

Let me tell you in this way.... These are the three things in your life. On the outermost fringe are things, the world, what Zen people call 'the world of ten thousand things'. On the outermost fringe, the periphery, the circumference, are things, millions of things. Then, between the centre and the circumference there are thoughts, desires, dreams, memories, imaginations -- the mind. If the world is called 'the world of ten thousand things', the mind should be called 'the world of ten million thoughts'.

And the key is: one, first you start watching things. Sitting silently, look at a tree; just be watchful, don't think about it. Don't say, 'What kind of tree is this?' Don't say whether it is beautiful or ugly. Don't say, 'It is green or dry.' Don't make any thoughts ripple about it, just go on looking at the tree -- that's what meditators down the centuries have been doing. They would choose one thing -- maybe the small flame of a lamp -- and they would sit silently looking at it. What were they doing? The flame has nothing to do with meditation, it is just a device. They were trying one thing -- to go on looking at the flame and to come to a point where no thought arises about the flame. The flame is there, you are here, and no thought arises.

You can do it anywhere, watching anything. Just remember one thing -- when the thought comes, put it aside, shove it aside. Again go on looking at the thing. In the beginning it will be difficult but after a period, intervals start happening. There will be no thought -- and you will find great joy arising out of that simple experience. Nothing has happened. Just thoughts are not there and the tree is there and you are there and between the two there is space. The space is not cluttered with thoughts. Suddenly there is great joy for no visible reason, for no reason at all. You have learned the first secret.

This then has to be used in a subtler way. Things are gross, that's why I say start with a thing. You can sit in your room, you can go on looking at a photograph -- the only thing to remember is not to think about it. Just look without thinking. Slowly, slowly it happens. Look at the table without thinking and by and by the table is there, you are there, and there is no thought between you two. And suddenly -- joy.

Joy is a function of thoughtlessness. Joy is already there; it is repressed behind so many thoughts. When thoughts are not there it surfaces.

Start with the gross. Then, when you have become attuned and you have started to feel moments when thoughts disappear and only things are there, start doing the second thing. Now close your eyes and look at any thought that comes by -- without thinking about the thought. Some face arises on the screen of your mind, or a cloud moves, or anything... just look at it without thinking.

This will be a little harder than the first because things are more gross, thoughts are very subtle. But if the first has happened, the second will happen -- only time will be needed. Go on looking at the thought. After a while.... It depends on you -- it can happen within weeks, it can happen within months, it can take years -- it depends on you how intently, how wholeheartedly you are doing it. Then one day, suddenly, the thought is not there. You are alone.

With the thing, thoughts disappeared... you were there and the thing was there; subjective and objective were there, duality was there. When the thought disappears, you are simply left alone, only subjectivity is left alone. And great joy will arise -- a thousandfold greater than the first joy that happened when the tree was there and the thought had disappeared. A thousandfold. It will be so immense that you will be flooded with joy.

This is the second step. When this has started happening, then do the third thing -- watch the watcher. Now there is no object. Things have been dropped, thoughts have been dropped, now you are alone. Now simply be watchful of this watcher, be a witness to this witnessing. In the beginning it will be difficult again because we know only how to watch something -- a thing, a thought. Even a thought is at least something to watch. Now there is nothing, it is absolute emptiness. Only the watcher is left alone. You have to turn upon yourself.

This is what Jesus means when he says 'conversion' -- turning upon oneself. This is what Mahavira means when he says PRATIKRAMAN -- turning upon oneself. This is what Patanjali means by PRATYAHARA -- turning upon oneself. And this is what Sufis mean when they use the word SHAHADAH -- witnessing the witness . This is the secretmost key. You just go on being there alone. Rest in this aloneness and a moment comes when this happens. It is bound to happen. If the first two things have happened the third is bound to happen -- you need not worry about it.

When this happens, then for the first time you know what joy is. All those joys that you had known before -- the joy that happened when the tree was there and the thought had disappeared; and the joy that happened when the thoughts disappeared and you were left alone.... Yes, the second joy was a thousandfold greater than the first, but now something happens which is not only quantitatively different but qualitatively different. Now for the first time you know what Hindus call ANANDA -- the real joy. All joys known before simply pale out, simply don't mean anything any more. Those joys were something that were happening to you, now this joy is utterly different. This is you yourself; this IS SWABHAWA. this is your innermost nature.

It is not something happening to you so it cannot be t4ken away. It is you in your authentic being, it is your very being. Now it cannot be taken away. Now there is no way to lose it. You have come home.

So you have to unlearn things, thoughts. First watch the gross, then watch the subtle, and then watch the beyond that is beyond the gross and the subtle.

Sufism

VOL. 1, SUFIS: THE PEOPLE OF THE PATH

Chapter-8

A Certain Milieu