The second question

Question 2

OSHO,

I HAVE HAD LOTS OF EXHILARATING MOMENTS OF WHAT SEEMED TO ME TO BE REAL CONSCIOUSNESS, BUT THEN AS SOON AS I HAVE FELT CONSCIOUS I BEGIN TO FEEL UNCONSCIOUS, AND IT SEEMS MORE AND MORE TO ME THAT BEING CONSCIOUS IS A STATE ONE HAS TO JUST EXPERIENCE AND NOT RECOGNIZE.

HAVE YOU ANYTHING TO SAY ON THIS?

Prem Devo,

THE STATE of real awareness is not exhilarating. It has no excitement in it, it is absolutely peaceful. It is neither hot nor cold. You live in a world of coldness, dullness, hence your mind is constantly seeking for something exciting, exhilarating, elevating. You live always in dark valleys so you hanker for peaks, sunlit peaks. That is your desire, but that is not the nature of consciousness itself.

Consciousness is exactly in the middle. It is neither low nor high, it is neither a valley nor a peak, it is neither cold nor hot. Buddha has called it MAJJHIM NIKAYA -- the middle way. It is exactly in the middle, and it is in the middle that transcendence happens. It is neither positive nor negative, neither good nor bad, NETI NETI, neither this nor that. You have come to such a delicate point where everything is balanced. You are not leaning towards this or towards that.

It is like a tightrope walker who is exactly in the middle. If he leans towards the left he will fall; if he leans towards the right he will fall. He is neither a rightist nor a leftist -- both are going to fall. He is exactly in the middle.

It is like the pendulum of a clock. The pendulum goes to the left, to the far left, then it goes to the far right. Through its movement between these two extremes it keeps the clock running. You may not have observed it, but it has to be contemplated: when the pendulum is moving towards the right it is gaining momentum to go to the left. Apparently it is going to the right; deep down, hidden inside, it Is gaining momentum to go to the left. When it is going to the left it is gaining momentum to go to the right.

And this is so in your life. When you love a person you are gaining momentum to hate the person. That's why it is the same person you both love and hate; they are not two different people. Modern researchers have found the love relationship to be far more complicated than it was ever thought before. They call marriage an "intimate enmity"  -- intimate enmity! Two persons are quarreling in a very intimate way.

If you watch lovers you will see this phenomenon continuously. Like the pendulum they go on moving away from each other -- that's what fight is. Every night the pillow fight! It does not exist so much in the East because Eastern women have not yet learned the art of how to throw pillows; they are still old -- fashioned. But in the West it is almost a routine scene. Before love -- making the pillow fight is a must: that creates energy, that releases energy. First the lovers have to fight. By fighting they go farther and farther away from each other. They go as far as possible, as they were when they met for the first time -- it is a mini-divorce -- and once they are that far away, again the same attraction; a mini-honeymoon follows. They start coming close.

And this remains a constant phenomenon: coming close, going farther away, again coming close; asking for one's own space and then feeling lonely, then searching for the other, then being together and feeling bored with each other... The man cannot live without the woman the woman cannot live without the man -- and they cannot live together either! And this is so about all aspects of life.

Consciousness means stopping the pendulum in the middle. If you stop the pendulum of a clock in the middle, what will happen? The clock will stop. And it is very symbolic. If you can stop your consciousness in the middle, neither cold nor hot, neither dull nor excited, then your mind stops, because mind is time -- mind is your inner clock. And the moment mind stops, who is there to recognize? Who is there to say, "Now I am conscious"? If you say, "Now I am conscious," the mind has come back.

That's what has been happening, Prem Devo.

You say: I HAVE HAD LOTS OF EXHILARATING MOMENTS OF WHAT SEEMED TO ME TO BE REAL CONSCIOUSNESS...

It is not real consciousness -- they were exhilarating moments. But when you are exhilarated, soon you will slow down; you will have to go back to your original state.

You say:... BUT THEN AS SOON AS I HAVE FELT CONSCIOUS I BEGIN TO FEEL UNCONSCIOUS...

This is a great revelation if you Try to understand it. Why does it happen? The moment you feel conscious, why do you become unconscious? -- because to FEEL conscious means the mind has come in. Otherwise there is nobody to feel, nobody to recognize, nobody to say, "This is this" -- there is no labeling process. The mind is back, and the mind is always hankering to come back; any excuse is enough.

The moment you say, "Look! It seems this is real consciousness," the mind is back. The mind is not going to miss this opportunity. The mind will pat you on the back and will say, "This is great! You have done it. You have arrived. You have become enlightened. This is what Dionysius calls AGNOSIA. SO now this is the thing, the real thing! " And then the mind goes on and on, and you know that you have become unconscious. All those peaks are lost, that sun has set, that light has disappeared. You are back in your valley, in those dark spaces.

When you are really conscious there is no recognition You don't label it -- there is nobody to label. You are simply conscious and it is finished then and there -- the full point. But mind is not going to leave you so easily; it will come again and again. You have to become aware of mind's subtle strategies. You have to see and watch how the mind comes back. And it comes in such ways that unless you are very alert it will deceive you. It is a great politician.

Mind can live only when you are unconscious. To be conscious means the death of the mind -- and nobody wants to die. Mind exists only when there is deep unconsciousness; the deeper unconsciousness there is, the more nourishment for the mind.

A man goes to a doctor. The doctor's wife leads him into the office and explains that the doctor went out and will be back shortly. Sitting down with the man, the wife starts flirting with him. One thing leads to another, and in no time at all she is giving him a blow-job.

Suddenly there is the noise of a car and in great distress the woman exclaims, "Here's my husband -- let me go!"

"No, no, please!" pleads the man. "I am just coming  -- please continue a few seconds more!"

Just then they hear the key turning in the front door.

"Let me go! Let me go!" cries the woman.

"No, no, please! A few seconds more!"

But the woman violently tears herself away and manages to escape into the other room.

When the doctor enters, the man says, "Good morning, doctor. I heard you coming so I decided to undress in order to avoid wasting your time."

"Good," says the doctor, "but what are you doing with those two ears in your hands?"

Man lives in unconsciousness. He lives without knowing why, without knowing where, without knowing whence. He simply goes on like a robot. And if you watch yourself you will be surprised how you have lived up to now -- almost in a dream.

Maria and Giovanni are having their breakfast. Giovanni says to Maria, "Amore, I can-a understand-a that you are nervous about having your driving-a examination, but last-a night-a it was-a too much! With your mouth-a you were making the noise-a of the engine.and with your hand-a you were changing gears -- using my prick-a!"

But that's how people are living their whole lives, day and night!

Prem Devo, it is good that you have realized that:

... BEING CONSCIOUS IS A STATE ONE HAS TO JUST EXPERIENCE AND NOT RECOGNIZE.

But what will you do? Will you say, "I will not recognize it! No, it is not there! No, it is something else! No, I am not going to be deceived again"? But the mind has come in! Again it is there -- from a different door, of course.

Don't try to recognize, don't try to not-recognize.

And you say: It is A STATE ONE HAS TO JUST EXPERIENCE...

Who is going to experience? What is this "just experience"? If you try to experience it, even if you call it "just experience," you have created a separation between the state and yourself. And any separation between the state and yourself is enough for the mind to come in.

Just understand it and forget all about recognizing it, not recognizing it, just experiencing and not thinking about it. Forget all these things. When it comes, enjoy; when it goes, ENJOY. When it comes, live it; when it is not there, live its absence. Don't make much fuss about it, whether it is there or not. Remain calm and quiet, calm and collected, as if it does not make any difference at all.

Whether you are conscious or unconscious you are the same. If you evaluate Consciousness, if you say consciousness is better than unconsciousness, then there is bound to be difficulty because whenever there is consciousness, your mind in a subtle way will start clinging to it -- and the very clinging brings the mind in. Mind is a clinger.

You have to learn one thing: to live each moment as it comes, not asking for its opposite, neither clinging to it nor withdrawing away from it. When you are in a dark mood, live it in totality; don't be worried about it. What is wrong with darkness? It has its own beauty -- it is very velvety, it has its own depth. Live it, love it, enjoy it! Take as much nourishment from it as possible. Roots need darkness; without darkness roots cannot grow. So let your roots be nourished by it. And when you have sunlit peaks, let your flowers bloom. Enjoy that too. Flowers are yours as much as your roots are -- both are yours.

My own experience is this: that life has to be used in its totality, in all its dimensions. Yes, even the darker ones, they have their own share to contribute to the richness of life.

Whenever you make a division that "this is good and this is bad," that "this should be and this should not be," you are creating trouble for yourself. Life is one organic unity. When it is night, sleep; when it is day, wake up. Don't hanker for the night in the day; don't hanker for the day in the night.

Rinzai is right when he says that "Whenever I feel hungry I eat and whenever I feel sleepy I sleep. This is my whole SADHANA, this is all that I do."

And this is what I say to my sannyasins. When you are unconscious, nothing is wrong; when you are conscious, nothing is great. Bring them closer to each other to such a point where both weigh equal, then the mind will disappear. There is no need to recognize, there is no need to praise, there is no need to feel egoistic, elated; there is no need to brag about it.